What Do You Do With the Pain of the Past and Present? — Broken & Hopeful

Today as I write, I can’t help but think of a woman who has been treated like an object her whole life–used and abused for whatever the abuser wanted to take from her.

And a girl I know who is sitting in a hospital as her husband dies from cancer. Her kids are little bitty, and I can’t imagine staring down the grief which she is right now. 

And I think of the woman whose husband just left her for another woman, whose world is rocked to the core as she is abandoned by one who was supposed to be there for life. 

And the man who feels torn apart because of the wrong done to him as a child, the thing eating him alive as he struggles to feel anything but anger and resentment. 

Or the woman who feels her days are empty and bleak because all the joy has gone out of her life and the small moments hold no miracle anymore. 

I hear these stories every day, and yes, I carry them sometimes in my heart and cry throughout the day as I think on them. Some tell me I’m supposed to be detached from them, but I disagree. And really, I’m not sure how you enter the most sacred part of a person in their story and pain, and leave without some sense of attachment. 

So, what do I tell them? What do you say to someone who is rocked so deeply by the hurt in their past and present?

I point them to Jesus.

He is the bearer of sorrow, the one who understands pain unlike anyone else. He has been hurt and scarred, suffering the worst of humanity’s betrayal and anger. He is compassionate, kind and patient with our hearts. Jesus walks with us every step of the way, allowing us to grieve and calling us deeper with Him. He is the strength that sustains us to get out of bed each day to meet the new mercies He is bringing. He sees our weakness and is not disgusted by it, but rather celebrates it because weakness allows more of His strength to be at work. We don’t have to be enough for whatever situation is at hand—we get to trust Jesus’ Life within to be enough. 

Sometimes when we are hurt by someone else, we want justice. And we don’t want to forgive until that person has suffered equally. The problem with this unforgiveness is that we are trying to be God and sit as the judge to mete out punishment for the crime. God’s justice is real and true, but He alone knows hearts and makes good judgements. Whenever I try to do that, I mess it up. Now, I’m not saying for one minute what the people who wronged you have done is ok. But there is a difference between deciding something wasn’t bad and forgiving. They are mutually exclusive. You don’t have to have enough strength for forgiveness. You just make the choice to do so (not because someone deserves it), and look to God for His strength to fill in all the gaps around your choice. 

You are not the victim of your pain, whether it be a choice you made or a choice made for you. Nobody gets to tell you who you are except God. And if you allow your past to control you, the people and circumstances of that past are feeding you identity messages all day. They tell you that you are worthless, unloved, invisible, alone and a giant failure. The pain of the present just adds into that and feeds it. Don’t let anything but God tell you who you are. He is the only One who created you and knows you intimately, and He is the only One who loved you enough to have Jesus die for you, rise again and live within you to empower you to do daily life. That’s a lot of love.

Pain is a real part of life, both past and present. But you are not alone in it. Now, what are you going to do with the present? Will you allow the pain to continue to dictate your life or will you look to Jesus for hope for today in His Life?

As for us, we have all of these great witnesses who encircle us like clouds. So we must let go of every wound that has pierced us and the sin we so easily fall into. Then we will be able to run life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has been already marked out before us. We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection. His example is this: Because his heart was focused on the joy of knowing that you would be his, he endured the agony of the cross and conquered its humiliation, and now sits exalted at the right hand of the throne of God! Hebrews 12:1-2

Beloved friends, if life gets extremely difficult, with many tests, don’t be bewildered as though something strange were overwhelming you. Instead, continue to rejoice, for you, in a measure, have shared in the sufferings of the Anointed One so that you can share in the revelation of his glory and celebrate with even greater gladness! 1 Peter 4:12