The Faith Shaping of Your Teen, Part 1 - Bravester

Your teen is a wonder. You agree, right? You wonder how
he/she will turn out. You wonder if he/she will ever grow in responsibility to
clean the bedroom.  

You also see the wonder of God in that teen of yours. There
are moments you are overwhelmedly awed.

God is shaping your teen. Faith is developed, or shaped (as
I like to say), in your child all along the way.

So much of this faith shaping happens in the teen years—which
is why I’m still a youth pastor. I get to see God’s active hand in lives all of
the time (!!!!)—with everything being
the possibility of this being the moment or this nugget of understanding
changing a behavior or this decision to trust God to the extent that their face
changes.

This isn’t just happenstance. There are so many factors God
uses along the way to shape our faith. These factors actually have some order
to them. I discovered this order from a book I read originally in 1987 but was
first published in 1978. I find this faith shaping to be just as true today as
I did back then. The book is Faith
Shaping
by Stephen D. Jones.

When first reading these tasks I had so much fun looking
back and seeing God’s hand all along the way of my life. You will too. You will
see how your faith has been shaped and so much of it will make sense to you.
And you will smile.

#1 – Experiencing

Experiencing is defined as providing a continual reservoir
of spiritual experiences from which a faith can grow on. This is the making of
memories such as leading an Advent responsive reading to “big church.” Or going
on a youth retreat and laughing so hard that the anxiety is set aside for a
while so you wonder if Jesus is real. Or serving at a soup kitchen and seeing
poverty for the first time and wondering where Jesus is in this poverty world.

Think about the role that memories have played in your own
life. Go as far as to make a graph of your own spiritual journey. I guarantee
it will be marked with times of memories, the good and the bad. It is those
memories which have formed who you are today.

These are the basic categories of memories. You will not be
able to help yourself as you categorize your own memories as you read these.

  • Headline memories – These are the big emotional
    experiences.
  • Personally touching memories – These are those
    unexpected moments when something in church choked you up, when you felt heard
    AND understood by an adult, when you got an answer to a question you dared to
    ask.
  • Repetitive memories – These are church
    traditions. This is a Good Friday tradition. This is the taste of the communion
    bread. This is that uber-happy greeter at your church door who gets laughed about
    as well as greatly appreciated because he/she says your name every week.
  • Significant relationship memories – These are
    who is in your circle. Hopefully your teen also has wise saints of your church
    family who beeline to talk to your teen every week.

I believe a youth ministry is more than just providing
experiences. Youth ministry is faith shaping and experiences are just the
beginning. But this task is an important one because if teens have no important
memories of the faith, of the church, of an experience with God, of worship, or
of spiritual feelings, they will find themselves in a faith vacuum as young
adults.

That last thought still makes me shudder.

Task #2 – Categorizing

Categorizing is defined as consolidating emotions,
clarifying values, and shaping attitudes. It is the taking of these experiences
and categorizing if this life of faith is for me or not.

The picking and choosing of what one likes about God has
always been a faith shaping task. Always. Before this post-truth world. Definition
of post-truth is there may be an absolute truth, however they don’t care about
the truth if it gets in the way of personal preferences. Teens and young adults
are okay picking and choosing from other religions and belief systems and are
okay about their truth being their truth just for them.

Categorizing is only Task #2 of seven tasks. Too many
teens–and adults–are getting stuck in this task because they think
categorizing their experiences is making a faith decision for themselves. That the
deciding of what is true for you is not true for me is a faith decision. Not
yet, even though they will adamantly say this is what they believe. Because
this categorizing does not follow with behavior change.

One important thing to remember here is that this is a step
that your teen must take. He/she is the one categorizing the experiences and
the growing beliefs. If you categorize for them…I can’t even finish that
sentence because it is not possible to categorize for someone else. You do see
how a choice of following Jesus has then become something “my parents made me
do.”

Your responsibility is to provide a safe place for your teen to do this. You can also provide honest feedback as you pass on your faith. You also can’t accept or affirm a sinful lifestyle that may be a part of their beliefs, no matter how much you want to find common ground with your teen. They need to fall in love with the true Jesus. There are ways to provide acceptance and affirmation that upholds Biblical truth. This is so tricky to define in words so I implore you to trust that Holy Spirit wisdom along the way. This may be the very reason that parenting teens is sooooo intimidating.

I must also add this quote from a book from 1996 that shaped
me, Family-Based Youth Ministry by Mark
DeVries. “Teenagers’ isolation from adults has left many of them unable to
think critically. They are easily swayed by what feels right at the moment,
whether it is going to church, buying a $200 pair of shoes or having sex.
Without the habit of critical thinking, our teenagers become easy prey to
anyone who has something to sell.” Use the gift of your church family as a
resource for you so they may continue to categorize and gain critical thinking
skills.

Task #3 – Choosing

Choosing is defined as valuing, deciding, and shaping a
belief.  This is the natural progression
from categorizing as the teen chooses to believe what has been categorized as
good, true, or what he/she likes. Yeah!…we all celebrate. Except realize this—the
teen is not invested in this choice
yet.

Teens Experience, Categorize, and Choose beliefs based on
what is right for them in whatever current emotional state they are in. If they
are in “love” with the boy at the party, they will choose what they believe is
right for that situation. If they are in need of purpose, they will choose the
belief that God has created them for a higher call. Emotional decisions are a
large part of adolescent development (which is why there are minor laws to
protect them). (Which is also why they drive us soooooo crazy.)

This is the big reason I have taught other youth ministers for over twenty years that teens don’t bring their decision of faith into adulthood.

Part of Choosing is simply personalizing one’s faith. This
is a big and normal part of middle adolescence development. It is similar to
the adolescent development step of achieving emotional independence from parents
and other adults. Personalizing one’s faith is creating a faith that is
something of their own, a step more than categorizing.

When teens are personalizing their faith, they come off as
being wrapped up in themselves or self-centered. There is the teen who is just
flabbergasted that her mother stays over occasionally at her boyfriend’s home–and
let’s her mom know of this sin at every moment she gets–while this teen drives
her own car like a speed racer. Teens really are wrapped up in themselves. But
it is just for a stage. Sorry and have hope, it will pass.  

Choosing is different from Categorizing because their
categories for their faith experiences do affect their lifestyles. (Praise
God!)

There is more. Tasks #4, #5, #6, and #7 are found in this article. You are seeing how your own faith has been shaped, right? Isn’t it fascinating to see God’s hand in your life the entire time? Especially as we move forward.

(Photo credit: Pexels.com)


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