Near and Dear: Cultivating Closeness in Friendship - Grit & Grace

Closeness in friendship can get a little uncomfortable sometimes.

This extended season of social distancing has impacted so many areas of our lives, and friendship is no exception. Now more than ever, I’m realizing that being close to someone is so much more than just physical proximity. Relationships that depended solely on being in the same physical space have struggled so much during this time. While there’s a part of me that understands why, an even bigger part of me wonders why. I mean, if a friendship fades because you can’t physically be together anymore, was it a true friendship? Faithful friendship is about being in it with someone, and finding ways to be in it with them even when you can’t literally be there. Social distancing has been teaching me a lot about what true closeness in friendship might look like.

A true friend sticks by you like family.

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

Are you that friend? The kind of friend that is never too far away, regardless of how many actual miles separate you. The friend that pursues relationship. The one who steps in.

I’m usually most aware of that closeness in friendship during the tough times. But choosing to enter in to what my friends are feeling and experiencing doesn’t have to be limited to just the not-so-good times. Empathy in friendship demonstrates a tangible nearness to our friends in a way few other things can.

You don’t have to see each other all the time or talk every day. True friends are just a part of your life. They stick by you like family should.

A time to step away, and a time to step in.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, or sitting in a small group, and felt alone and so far apart from everyone around you? You were close in proximity, but couldn’t be further apart in spirit and relationship.

How close are you to your friends? Being near to them distance-wise is one thing, but do your friends know that you’re there for them? Sure, you’re there when your friend calls or texts with a need. “Pray for me.” But how often do you press in and make the call or text before you’re needed, just because?

I know, everyone is busy. Reaching out to our friends and maintaining that closeness takes a backseat to all the other things that are priorities in our lives. Believe me, I get it.

There are seasons for everything, and that includes friendships too. I do not have the same level of closeness with every friendship. I have not maintained the same level of closeness with every friendship over time either. This used to upset me so much. Yes, it’s true. I expected friendships to never change. Not very realistic at all, I know. But I’m a work in progress in this area.

I’m learning there are times when I need to pull away, and it’s okay. There have been times my friends have needed to pull away. I’m learning to be okay with that too. Seasons change, and friendships change right along with those changing seasons sometimes.

For those friendships that are near and dear to us, when was the last time we stepped in? Have we ever been the one to pursue closeness in friendship?

Practical ways to cultivate closeness.

What are some ways we can cultivate closeness with friendships that are near and dear to us? Here are a few things I’ve been challenging myself to grow in lately:

  • So much of our communication with friends is online these days. Whether it’s through a text, email, or scrolling through their social media feed, it can be extremely challenging to feel very closely connected with friends. I read recently that listening is required to make media social. I’ve started to pray while I scroll. Nothing draws you closer to someone and helps break down those communication barriers than when you pray for them. Something else I’ve noticed a few friends do is that they respond to DM’s or texts with a video or voice memo recording. It helps to add a personal touch to our communication when it’s not in-person, which helps to bridge the gap between just text on a screen. I’m challenging myself to love louder online.
  • It’s easy for us to hide behind an answer of “Fine” when asked the standard “How are you?” Think about how our answers would change if we were asked “How can I support you?” I mean, what if we asked ourselves this question. Do we know what types of things communicate support to us? Here are some other great questions to ask: What are you thinking about? What’s wrong? Is there something I can do to help you with this?

(A little note about asking questions: so many times I just answer “nothing” when asked anything like this. Am I the only one that struggles with this? It may take a few times of asking the same thing before I’m able to formulate the words, so please dig a little. Take the time to ask the second question.)

Speaking of ways to support friends…

I thought I’d share a few ways I’ve recently discovered communicate support to me.

  • When I’m self-critical, reassure my value.
  • Show encouragement and understanding when I show self-doubt.
  • Be the one to reach out first sometimes.
  • Transparency.

Reading through and understanding these things about myself has encouraged me to do a little digging into how others feel supported. Whether I know my friend’s Enneagram number or not, it’s helpful to find out how others feel supported, and not just plowing ahead with whatever makes most sense to me.

I’d love to hear from you – what are some ways you have found to cultivate closeness in friendship during this extended season of social distancing?


Becky is a Miami native, and has lived here all of her life. Married to her husband for over 20 years, they lead a very active lifestyle along with their three teenagers and Riley, their rescue dog. Becky loves to teach, and has had the awesome privilege of home educating her children for over twelve years. When not teaching academics, Becky loves to equip, encourage, and empower women through the teaching of her group fitness classes. Becky and her husband lead various ministries, and their family loves to serve the community through the countless opportunities provided over the past twenty years+ in their local church. She enjoys filling her "free" time with reading, writing, watching movies, and just spending time with the family. Becky has a passion for living her life with grit and grace, and encouraging others to do the same.


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