That Time I Found Myself Sitting With My Feelings - Grit & Grace

I remember it as if it were yesterday. That time I let myself do the whole sitting with my feelings thing.

An opportunity came up to attend an event last summer. It was a tea-tasting, part of a summer series of events hosted by a local publication I contribute to as a writer. I knew that it would be something I had never done before, surrounded mostly by people I had never met. I’m old enough to know that these sorts of events usually come with a “let’s go ahead and share a little bit about ourselves to the group” component. Before I could do any sitting with my feelings, I’d have to step out of my comfort zone in a big way. I’d have to talk about myself in front of people.

After some of the usual pre-event mingling while we waited for everyone to show up, it was time to sit down and get started. Joy. *insert sarcastic tone here.

I noticed a few things.

For starters, in a sea of cute sundresses, I was the only one wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and cap. It was my glittery with rhinestones spelling the word “hope” cap, mind you…but still. My awkward discomfort alarm started to prepare for blast off.

There was no point in dwelling on that, especially since I didn’t have a spare cutesy sundress and sandals outfit in my car. It was time to press on, but not before I noticed that I was sitting at one of the ends of the table. Guess what that means? Unless they decide to do around the table intro’s all willy-nilly random selection style, I had a pretty good possibility of being first. The awkward discomfort alarm has officially launched.

Thankfully, they decided to start with the young lady sitting across from me. That meant there was a nice long line of intro’s to get through before it would be my turn. Dodged a bullet. Maybe.

I noticed a few more things.

As I sat there listening to each introduction, I noticed a common thread to what everyone was sharing. Each person was an entrepreneur/business owner of some sort. I’ve earned an income as a freelancer in some way, shape, or form for nearly 20 years. I’ve just never really thought of myself as a business owner in the traditional sense. (I fleshed out a little bit of how my thoughts on business ownership/entrepreneurship have evolved in this interview for VoyageMIA.)

What did I have to share? I’m just a homeschool mom, writer, and fitness instructor. I don’t even write specifically about homeschooling or fitness. What I do and who I am seemed rather disjointed compared to what everyone else was sharing. Their business brand and platform was so cohesive and on point. My thoughts were starting to spiral. I started to think about ways I could phrase things to fit more in line with what everyone else was sharing.

Before I started with those thoughts, some other ones started to bubble up instead.

That time my two-part post turned into a three-part post.

The original word count for this blog post got to 1200, and showing no signs of slowing down. I had to make a decision: stick to my original plan, or see where the word flow would take me. Both of these options were making the people-pleasing perfectionist in me very uncomfortable. That kind of sealed the deal for me.

Here’s to an unexpected opportunity towards recovery for this people-pleasing perfectionist.

And here’s to continuing to sit with my feelings as I write just a little bit more about sitting with my feelings.

Becky is a Miami native, and has lived here all of her life. Married to her husband for over 20 years, they lead a very active lifestyle along with their three teenagers and Riley, their rescue dog. Becky loves to teach, and has had the awesome privilege of home educating her children for over twelve years. When not teaching academics, Becky loves to equip, encourage, and empower women through the teaching of her group fitness classes. Becky and her husband lead various ministries, and their family loves to serve the community through the countless opportunities provided over the past twenty years+ in their local church. She enjoys filling her "free" time with reading, writing, watching movies, and just spending time with the family. Becky has a passion for living her life with grit and grace, and encouraging others to do the same.