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What He Needs More Than Sex – Impacting Righteously


What could a man need more than sex? Nothing, right? Well I would normally believe that as well. However, I know of at least multiple men who have pointed out that…drum roll, please…they need respect, even more than sex. Yes, for some (maybe not all) men, respect is more important than sex! This is very important for me as a woman to remember, whether single, in a courtship or married.

There is a reason that women are commanded to respect their husbands. God knows how He created a man. Men tend to crave and need respect. It seems to be the source of fuel that encourages and drives them onward. It is a great offense to them when they are disrespected.

God himself is love, and God himself is to be respected and feared in a healthy context. It is of no surprise that the husband is commanded to love the wife, and the wife is commanded to respect her husband.

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5: 33- NLT.

In order to respect my man, I should avoid doing the following:

1. Emasculating him.

Putting him down with disrespectful, hurtful, demeaning words. Insulting his manhood. Raising my voice at him should be completely avoided. Instead, I should use my words to build him up.

2. Being unnecessarily and overly critical.

Having a critical spirit is unproductive. Necessary discussion of issues in the right place, at the right time, and in a peaceful, respectful way is productive.

3. Failing to appreciate and admire him.

I should regularly acknowledge the good in him. Men understandably tend to enjoy being looked up to and appreciated for who they are and for all that they do.

4. Taking him for granted.

Treating him as if I am entitled, and not having a grateful attitude toward him is disrespectful. It’s important to show him that he is needed, wanted, and appreciated.

Some women have a husband who fulfills the noble role of a firefighter, police officer, military service man, doctor, nurse, and the list goes on. However, no matter what kind of work a man does, each man of integrity is noble. He is a hero in his own way, no matter what his status or occupation. He should be treated as the hero that he is.

5. Publicly shaming him.

Privately shaming him is no good either!  However, something may actually need to be discussed respectfully behind the scenes. The same thing discussed publicly could be humiliating to him. I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately. Even if there is a problem, there is no need to make him feel inadequate by bringing attention to it in the presence of others. Usually, it can and should wait.

6. Being bossy / controlling.

I am not his mother and he is not my child.
It is important to have a pleasant, peaceful, and cooperative spirit. Even if I do not agree with my man, there is a way to peacefully disagree. If I am in a courtship, I should be willing to compromise at times, as long as we are doing nothing wrong.

If I am married, I should have married only the man I know that I am safe with, and can trust.

We can try our best to come to an agreement. If not and we disagree, I aim to trust God that He is leading my husband to make the right decision, despite our disagreement. It would also be helpful for me to pray and ask God to help me to see things the way He sees them.

7) Nagging.

There’s a difference between bringing up a legitimate issue at the right time and in a peaceful way; and bringing up the same issue over and over again. It is good not to hound or harass a man about something. After initially bringing it up, perhaps a reminder will be necessary. After that, it is good to be patient and give him the time he needs to address the issue.

8) Not listening to him.

Not hearing him out, being dismissive of what he has to say, dismissive of his desires, concerns and suggestions is disrespectful. To have a sarcastic, diminishing attitude toward his input is disrespectful. It is important to be receptive to his valuable input- even his insights that I may not agree with.

9) Being contentious.

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman. – Proverbs 21:19.

I want to have a peaceful effect on him; not run him out of the house and into the woods.

10) Being unfaithful.

This is an obvious one. One of the greatest forms of disrespect is to be unfaithful, whether it be emotionally or physically. A major and very important way for a woman to honor and respect her man is to be faithful to him in every regard.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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