You will always be treated as “The Problem.” – Divorce Minister

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This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse in this time in a doomed attempt to “save” the marriage.

At this point, the cheater is not interested in “saving” the marriage. All they want to do is score points on their way out in the hope of generating a more positive narrative for themselves over their exit.

Many are successful because many are not called to account for their infidelity as the most important marriage “problem.”

Instead, the cheater is enabled to bring up petty grievances as if they are on the same level as soul rape. It is sick.

“He doesn’t do his fair share of the house work,” says the Cheater.

“She only has sex with me once a week,” says the Cheater.

All the energy gets focused upon the cheater’s complaint(s) to the exclusion of dealing with the marriage ending sin of adultery. The Cheater is thereby encouraged to believe the lie that the faithful spouse is “The Problem” as opposed to their own sin.

If a cheater is still cheating and unwilling to stop, there’s no point to meeting to “fix” the marriage. In fact, if you do meet, you may be helping the cheater abuse their faithful partner more. So, just don’t.

Republished with permission from

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