9 Characteristics of a Godly Man to Look for While Dating - Intercession For A Generation Blog
After establishing who we are as single believers and walking out our process of wholeness, we need to have a clear vision of what we want in a spouse. For single Christian women, I share 9 characteristics of a godly man to look for while dating. I’d like to add that for us women, we must embody the characteristics we are looking for as well. This article is for those who have been doing the work to become the best version of themselves.
Does your godly man have an intimate relationship with God?
This is one of the most important and foundational things to look for. If a guy shares that he is a Christian; don’t be afraid to be curious and ask questions. You may ask something like, “when did you decide to give your life to Christ?” How did that come about? Or, when did you get serious about your relationship with Christ? You’re in a process of exploring. This is fun! You’ll get to know his story in a fun and non-interview type of way. The conversation should just flow.
At the same time, you’re learning about the depth and richness of his relationship with God. You’ll also learn whether it is surface, deep or brand new. Having a genuine and intimate relationship with God is so helpful as the Holy Spirit and the Word of God assist with the relationship. Also, this type of person may be more open to correction and support from other believers that can walk with you through the relationship.
Does he embody the character of a godly man by showing humility?
Humility is a breeding ground for growth. It’s the willingness to have a realistic view of one’s self. Our view of ourselves should not be too high or too low. It should be honest. This means we know we do not have all of the answers. We understand we are still learning and growing daily. We are willing to humble ourselves and listen to others. We realize we aren’t always right.
Humility is an open door in connecting with people. People want to connect with someone who values what they have to share. A prideful person on the other hand is self-absorbed. It’s all about him and his image. Prideful people are often hard to connect with as they build up walls keeping people out who disagree with them. Humble people know how to navigate in the uncomfortable spaces in life by just being. They aren’t trying to put on a show to impress people.
This is a great dynamic to have in a relationship as your voice will always be valued by a man of humility. A man of humility will be self-actualized in seeking wise counsel as well instead of assuming he has it all figured out.
Does your godly man submit himself to accountability?
What does his community look like? Does he submit himself to wise counsel? Does he have other godly men in his life modeling healthy relationships who can pour into him? Does he realize the importance of this? Is he just caught up in the cycle of surviving? Some men aren’t bad. They just simply have not learned or considered certain things. The conversation is key in evaluating a potential partner. What a man does with the conversation after he leaves the conversation is just as important.
If you date a man who has not considered the idea of accountability, observe what he does with the conversation. Does he bring it up to you again saying that made sense? Does he also begin to seek that out on his own? Is he consistent with healthy community and accountability after seeking it out on his own? These could be good signs that he simply just never thought about the idea, but now realizes the importance of it all. Don’t avoid the voice of the Holy Spirit when someone is taking on a new healthy trait. We want to have peace that it isn’t just being done for us, but him as well. It’s also important that he takes accountability for when he is wrong owning up and making corrections.
Does he love himself?
It is so important that the man we commit our lives to has a healthy relationship with himself. It should be obvious from the decisions he makes that he loves himself. He should not place himself in harmful situations devaluing his life. For example, he should not be involved in things like gang life. He should not abuse himself with substances not caring for his body. He should consistently invest in himself by exercising, eating healthy, and growing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
A man who intentionally cares for himself will intentionally care for others especially his future wife. See Ephesians 5. The contrary should be an immediate red flag. A man will need healthy spaces to share his insecurities and vulnerabilities. Look for healthy friendships that embody safety and wisdom for the potential beau.
Ask about how he handles difficult situations as the conversations get more serious. You want to know that he has safe spaces to run instead of unhealthy vices. Men who do not have healthy places to process pain and insecurity often abuse themselves and their women. You do not want to become the vice for a man’s dysfunction. You were not made to be abused, but to be a help-mate. This means that you come alongside him and walk with him. You cannot walk with someone abusing you, however.
Does he have a vision and does he execute his vision?
This is not a requirement for him to be perfect or have everything figured out. We all are walking out various processes figuring things out. Does he have a template or blueprint in his mind of where he wants to go? Is he taking real steps to get there? There is something that we teach in my field of work called SMART goals. A SMART goal is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. This means there needs to be some concrete evidence of the vision that your potential beau is speaking of. If he doesn’t put in any actionable steps that can be measured over a period of time; he may not be serious about his vision.
Does your potential beau display the characteristic of a godly man called discipline?
What is the specific evidence that shows your potential suitor is disciplined? Does he purchase everything he wants right away with no preparation for the future? Has he had a period of remaining single and walking in discipline sexually?
Can he delay gratification for the reward that will be yielded in his future? What is the evidence that shows your potential is disciplined? How does he treat you? Does he respect your boundaries? Does he make excuses for having no self-control? If we have gone through a process with the Lord to go on to maturity in this area—we know our counterparts can do the same. A developed lifestyle of discipline shows a readiness to steward well. It may not be that a gentleman is a bad person if he lacks discipline. He just may not be ready to steward a season of dating.
Does he possess a diligent work ethic that models stability?
There is a lot of talk about men making six figures nowadays. However, it isn’t the dollar amount that a man is currently bringing in as much as it is the work ethic. A diligent work ethic with a well-executed plan will always engender more than enough. More than enough if what we need. This is part of the abundant life Christ died for us to have. However, we have to be disciplined enough to build financial stability.
A man needs to make room for a woman in his life. Thus, he will need to have a stable place to stay with the capacity to support himself, his future wife, and his children. Life happens to everyone and sometimes men fall on hard times. God has a promise in his word as it relates to this for men who are willing to take on the responsibility of a wife. God wants men while offering their best to trust him to provide stability and sustenance during unstable times. God’s favor is a guaranteed promise to men who take on the responsibility of a wife. However, a man will need to be wise enough to take advantage of this gift.
Is your godly man respectful?
Is your gentleman respectful? How does he treat others? Does he respect everyone or only those who can do something for him? This is a general rule. Does he respect authority or is he always pushing the limits? Every human being is worthy of respect. A person of respect should have boundaries set for themselves that they will not cross over with people. A pattern of disrespect can be a red flag. Even if he isn’t disrespectful toward you, he can be one day. Some people know how to play the role until they get what they want.
Does he operate out of honesty?
There is freedom that comes with honesty. That freedom allows trust to be built and the relationship to flourish. On the contrary, there is a nagging of distrust that comes with dishonesty. Any dishonesty in the relationship must be dealt with to get to the root of where the dishonesty is coming from. Dr. Henry Cloud shared that some people lie out of fear and self-protection while others lie out of a dishonest character.
The latter is done for selfish motives and should never be tolerated while the other can be resolved if the person is willing to grow. Read “Boundaries in Dating” and get the help of your community, therapist, or counselor to determine if you are dealing with a dishonest person versus someone who made a one-time mistake out of fear.
Don’t forget the simple things like kindness and the ability to give and receive love. Just because a man is spiritual or religious doesn’t mean he is a good catch. Examine the fruit. You will know the tree by the fruit it bears.
What are some characteristics you’d share to look for in a godly man? Leave your responses in the comments below.
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