White lies are sometimes told to protect people’s feelings or to prevent conflicts. The absence of conflict however, does not automatically mean the presence of peace. Sometimes things left unsaid, creates internal conflicts that can manifest itself as illness and stress.
Paul cautioned us to speak the truth in love. This is not glossing over issues and pretending that everything is ok. I had a lecturer at university who coined the phrase ‘carefrontation.’ She felt that we often have to care enough about someone, or a relationship in order to be honest with people about how we feel. This however has to be done in a constructive way, which helps the person and not harm them. She also used the phrase, ‘say it straight or show it crooked.’ In other words if we are hurt, angry or upset about something and we choose to not say anything, it can manifest through our actions.
The advice was to carefully and skilfully, find a way to let people know how we feel, while trying not to hurt their feelings. We know that not everything that we think needs to be said and if our need to speak is to ‘get it off your chest,’ rather than to help someone or restore a relationship, then this is not the right motive.
Timing is important and being mindful of what is going on for other people, will also help us determine the best time to speak. Jesus taught his disciples that if they knew that a brother or sister had a disagreement with them, to leave their gift at the altar and go be reconciled to their brother or sister and then come and offer their gift (Matthew 5:23-24).
You have to be reconciled with others, to be right with God and sometimes being reconciled requires a honest conversation. Relationships grow out of difficulties and conflicts that are managed well. Let us pray to God for wisdom and ask God to show us anyone, who we maybe putting off having a conversation with. People are very rarely able to read our minds and guess what we are thinking. We need to clarify expectations, talk through misunderstandings and speak the truth in love. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18).
Published by Anneta Pinto-Young
I am a trained Social Worker who currently provides professional leadership on a programme to support Social Work students and Newly Qualified Social Workers entering the Social Work Profession.
Born and raised in Jamaica in a Christian family where my father is an ordained Pastor and Deacon who has served for over 50 years in the ministry. My father is also a trained musician and our family can be described as a musical family. I grew up in a small farming community in St. Peter’s, St. Andrew and my parents also have a small farm.
I credit my gift of writing to my father who I watched and listened to over the years as he wrote sermons, poems and other recitals in his capacity in ministry. English has always been an easy subject for me and over the years I have developed an increased interest in writing.
I am a Trainer, I sing and have a passion for worship, the spoken word and the free flow of the prophetic anointing. I am married to my best friend Andrew Christopher Young who is an advanced Musician and whose music you can find on YouTube and Facebook. I am a trained Coach and Mentor and I love experimenting with food so I love cooking. I enjoy trying cultural dishes from across the world and I view food as an entry into cultures and languages.
View all posts by Anneta Pinto-Young
March 8, 2022
Republished on Crossmap with permission from Anneta Pinto.