Can I be honest with you all right quick?
I guess by now I shouldn’t feel the need to ask you all this. However, sometimes that really quiet, insecure, and reserved Cristal tends to peek her timid little head out every now and again.
She never really does goes away. And while she is hidden a lot more these days with my newfound confidence, she’s still…very much there.
But to get to it—and I’m sure as most of you who are on this journey with Christ know by now—this walk is so very lonely.
I’ll admit that I’ve grown to enjoy not needing the people in my corner and being in “Lonelyville” as my Church Mother Golden calls it. But it does contain the word lonely for a reason, right?
You see there were times when I was more than okay with it—being alone. Getting those people out of my inner circle that truly meant me no good, housed secret jealousies, and really didn’t want to see me elevate was so freeing for me. I stopped needing others to pat me on the back and started doing it for myself.
But, let me tell you how much it hurts when you realize that the people that you’ve held the utmost respect, love, and support for—the ones you really considered as genuine friends—when those people prove to be untrue…well that hurt brings about a different kind of loneliness.
And I know. I know that Judas was necessary. I get it!
But I don’t think that his betrayal hurt Jesus any less simply because it was necessary for what was to come next.
No. Disappointment hurts. Especially from the ones you hold so near and dear.
I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve cried from this very fact here.
But now—now this feels so very different.
It’s interesting to see how many people are all “for you” and here to hype you up—but just as long as you stay at a level that they are comfortable with. And as soon as that changes…so do they.
Normally I write from a place of confidence in order to encourage those who are reading. But right now, I just feel the need to be transparent.
Because as I’ve said time and time before—and will probably say many times again—I haven’t gotten this down pat just yet. We are truly in this together.
So where do we go from here?
Because up until now, it’s been a little depressing, no?
Well…I think we have no choice but to move forward.
You see, Jesus said it best: “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” (Mark 6:4 NLT)
We’ve heard this message before, but let me say it to you this way:
Just as we know that Judas’ betrayal, no matter how necessary it was, hurt Jesus. We also know that his rejection by those he was closest to—his friends and family—hurt just as much.
However, this did not stop Jesus. This did not keep Him from pressing forward with His mission.
Jesus could have had His little pity party (I guess like I’m having now) and He could have sat back, shrunk Himself, and stopped doing miracles because of what others thought of Him.
“Who does He think He is?”
“We know Him! That’s just Mary and Joseph’s son!”
“Does He think we don’t remember who He used to be?!”
He could have allowed those words and behaviors of others to cut Him down and keep Him silent. And if He had, what a sad state of affairs the world would be in now. You see, Jesus not only faced rejection from his friends and family but also from the very ones who claimed to have a personal relationship with God. But this did not stop Him.
He did what He could, and He kept it moving. He did not drop his mantel because of folks. And let’s be honest—well let ME be honest—with me knowing who I am, I can say I probably would have. Because being delivered from folks is a lesson that took me years to learn. (And clearly STILL learning.)
But Jesus knew that it wasn’t people that He needed to please. He was there to save the lost and please His father. And His father was well pleased with Him.
Isn’t that something in knowing that maybe you are not man’s favorite, but you are absolutely God’s favored?
That ought to make you want to run.
So, yes…to echo my sentiments from the beginning of this post: It’s lonely. And yes, lonely sucks. And there will surely be disappointments, betrayals, and upsets along the way. But, let that be a promising sign that you are on the right track.
Because while it may be physically lonely and utterly discouraging down here, know that God will never leave you alone spiritually and physically. Literally.
Jesus is your roadmap.
Frustrated sometimes…but He still did it.
Disappointed every now and then…but He kept pushing.
Wishing it could have been anyone else but Him…however, He said not HIS will, but God’s will be done.
Remember, no matter how personal it feels, it’s just not about you. And trust me, I know that is easier said than done, but if we know anything from the example of Jesus is that it can be done.
So, have your moment as long as you need, and then go pray to God to give you the strength to keep pushing. And when you are done, wipe those eyes, square those shoulders, and persevere! Because if you give up now, your assignment will not be completed and those that you are going to help encourage are not going to get it if you walk away because your feelings are hurt.
It hurts, but let it push you.
It’s painful, but do not stop.
You’ve been wounded, but it’s a part of this walk.
It broke your heart, but let it be a reminder that you are on the exact path you need to be.
And maybe it isn’t a paved road with modern technology like stop signs and stoplights. But it is a road that only you can travel with God alone. And that’s the most beautiful part.
Lonely but chosen.
Nothing more wonderful than that; nothing more worth it.
Welcome to Lonleyville!
Republished with permission by Cristal Pittman, 944 Blog, www.ninefortyfourblog.com.