For the sake of clarity, there are plenty of women who do not value men. As a woman who does not teach men, I talk to the ladies about many issues I see disproportionately affecting women and girls.
This does not mean I do not care about the plight of men. I hope that mature, spiritually sound men are talking to the boys and young men. As some of you know, I address issues that affect women and girls on various topics. I also address women mistreating men; not just men mistreating women.
Many of these relational and other problems would not be so common if children were raised properly with the correct values and with proper examples demonstrated by parents and others. If this were the case, society would be a lot more healthy and happy.
I am as balanced as possible in addressing the issues. Not every issue is the same. The scales are not balanced. The world is not a level playing field, so I cannot present things as if everything is on equal basis for men and women. However, I make an effort to present things as realistically and fairly as possible.
Based on my own observations and also having received some insight from men, here are 9 reasons that some men do not value women:
1. Parental influence.
• Paternal influence:
• Some fathers do not instruct their sons in righteousness.
• Some do not model loving, respectful, faithful, behavior toward their wife in front of their son(s).
• There are some who do not properly instruct sons in the target area of sexual integrity.
• There are fathers who don’t teach their sons to respect and value women.
• Some fathers even proudly encourage their sons in womanizing.
• Or, they simply fail to counteract harmful societal influence by speaking out against these influences and programming their sons in truth.
• Other fathers are into nasty movies and dirty magazines that their sons may discover.
• Maternal influence:
• Some sons did not have a healthy relationship with their mother. It could be that she was abusive, absent, neglectful.
• Some mothers are emotionally abusive, manipulative, and controlling.
• It could also be that his mother pampered him and didn’t hold him accountable to the point where he doesn’t respect her or other women.
• An unhealthy relationship with his mother can lead to chronic insecurity in a son. These are some of many possibilities.
2. Societal influence.
– Locker room talks that objectify women as sex objects.
– Peer pressure.
– Music that encourages and glorifies male promiscuity, and expresses degradation and objectification of women.
– Movies and unwholesome TV or radio programs.
– YouTube channels, blogs, and other platforms dedicated to bashing women and glorifying womanizing.
3. Some men take women for granted.
There is an imbalance in the amount of quality, single, available women compared to quality, single, available men. This is inside and outside of the church. For this reason, some women practically throw themselves at men out of desperation. The women who do this are many.
Some men’s needs are met and their desires are fulfilled by lonely women, without these men having to put in the work. It is easier to take what a woman offers out of desperation, instead of working for her and working with her.
However, the way God wired a man, he typically cannot respect or appreciate whatever he has not had to work for. This shows too. He actually needs to put in the work. He can appreciate and respect the woman he has worked for a lot more.
Misogyny is passed down from generation to generation. A man whose father is a misogynist often becomes one himself. Because misogyny is passed on from generation to generation, some people get stuck in it.
This is not entirely their fault, unless they choose to remain stuck in it. Misogyny has to be unlearned by people who understand its toxicity. They must be willing to unlearn it. In fact, a person may not see anything wrong with misogynist ideology at all at first.
In addition, some women are influenced by misogyny and are in agreement with it. This was especially true in the past, but some women to this day are still in agreement with it, because it is how they are programmed from a young age.
Contempt of women is a global problem. Even in America, there are fathers and church leaders that start out demeaning women and programming young boy’s minds so that they slander women. I am a witness to this.
Some pastors and parents start programming the boy’s mind by taking out of context the story of Eve being deceived in the garden of Eden. They talk about Jezebel as if she is a representation of women in general.
The stories are repeated over and over again. I witnessed this in different churches I went to. They plant seeds in the minds of boys to believe that the woman is at fault for the wrongs in the world.
The woman is out to get them, to seduce them; the woman wants to control them, and she is the enemy. Hostility and suspicion of women is bred early on in some boys and girls.
In addition, in many other institutions, there is obviously a hierarchy of power that is corrupt. These environments typically are very macho and the women who work in them are sometimes objectified, sexually harassed, and under- appreciated.
5. Expectation based in male entitlement.
There are movies, songs, literature and books that imply that all a man has to do is play his cards right and the woman is his. There seems to be this underlying thought process that women are always desperate and needy to have a man. All he has to do is play the game just right to get her. He only needs to march through the right motions to win her over.
So often, this has turned out to be true in a man’s dealings with women. The tactics he uses works on nearly every woman he encounters. Some men become spoiled. There is little challenge in the process, especially once a man becomes accustomed to making the right moves, saying the right things and the women are conquered.
Because he is often very successful, he may automatically expect nearly every woman he is after to respond positively to his advances. When and if a woman doesn’t, it can provoke anger and bruise his ego.
Sometimes, when things don’t go his way, because of his feelings of entitlement and because of already being spoiled on getting what he wants, he may react badly. The underlying assumption could be that he should get what he wants, simply because he usually does.
It is so easy for some men to get women without much effort. It is more difficult for men to value what is in such great abundance and so easy to obtain. It is harder to feel appreciation for someone that he feels he is entitled to. It’s harder to be grateful for someone when he thinks that they owe him anyhow.
6. Lack of accountability.
A lack of accountability can lead to lawlessness and entitlement. For some men, there has been a lack of accountability, sometimes beginning in their childhood. Later, they date women who don’t sufficiently hold them accountable.
One reason women can be too tolerant is because at a young age, many girls are indoctrinated to expect less of boys and men, while being taught to hold themselves, other girls and women to a higher standard. They are programmed to focus less on overall integrity for a man, but to focus on and expect him to have money and possessions.
Another reason for overly high tolerance in women is because many girls have been indoctrinated to believe that their worth is largely attributed to male approval, getting attention from boys, and being married.
Whoever is most desired by the men must be cream of the crop among women supposedly. Long ago was the false ideology that a woman’s worth came from being the property of a man. There was so-called reproach on women who had not been chosen by a man.
In the sight of God, there was not a reproach on a single or widowed woman, but in the sight of some men there was a reproach. This is important to understand: those thought processes were not of God and served to manipulate women.
A woman’s worth supposedly came about as a result of her being married, and in particular, if she gave birth to sons. Again, this is not God’s thinking. He has given people value irrespective of their relationship status or their ability to bear sons or children in general.
Although the previously wrong thought processes are not as prevalent nowadays in America, there are still remnants of the thought processes deeply engrained in many girls and women.
Specifically, in the present, having a man is still the ultimate goal for some women. Others have learned differently. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a man and having a husband can be a blessing. However, it is about quality.
For some, there remains this idea that a woman’s worth is attached to her having a boyfriend or husband. To this day, some women seem to be in a panic and in a frenzy to find a man when they are single.
“Where is your man?”
Some people ask women this in a mocking and ridiculing way. Women should understand that having a man or not having a man says nothing about their worth.
Hopefully, more girls and women will learn to see through manipulative comments and malicious questions. Also, for as long as it takes, hopefully they will be able to stand strong as singles who desire God’s best and are willing to wait for it.
• There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman desiring a man in a healthy way. It is natural.
• God is a God of relationship, so it makes sense that a man or woman would desire love and desire to be married.
• The problem is when the desire becomes obsessive, unhealthy, and idolatrous. This is dangerous.
Since the earliest of times, women were seen as property whose value was based on whether or not they had a husband and gave birth to sons. In addition, the implication was that a woman needed to be “rescued” from being single.
As if the man was doing her a favor by marrying her, but what about her marrying him? Was she doing him a favor? Some women begin to look at men as their savior or as a god. For some men, this is an ego booster. In some religious groups also, these thought processes still exist.
It is no wonder that throughout history plenty women became obsessed with having a man around at all times, no matter the cost. This has a lot to do with socialization, conditioning.
Of course, this conditioning is not based in God’s truth. However, it was convenient for certain people to program girls and women’s minds this way. It is mind control and therefore it controlled women. These perspectives have caused so many women to become desperate and also have caused women to be pitted against each other in their quest to have a man.
For some ladies, other women become the opponents, because they are seen as competition and potential interferences. When a woman feels worthy based on being married or having a boyfriend, she is much more likely to put up with things that she should not be putting up with from her man.
7. Women who don’t value or respect themselves.
In short, it is very difficult, if not impossible for the average man to value a woman who does not value herself. When a woman doesn’t value herself, her standards drop. Her tolerance is too high and the self-love is not there.
When a woman does not value herself, a man can spot this. He picks up on it. Consequently, she may attract predators and any type of men who will not be good to her or good for her, but are looking to take advantage of her. Some women present themselves in such a way that some men are more likely to sexually objectify them because of their own lack of self-respect.
For the women who do value themselves, they are a repellent for the predator or any type of man who wants to take advantage of them and will not respect them. Please do not feel bad if you repel men because they see that you are confident and have high standards.
A man who is repelled by a confident woman of integrity is the kind of man that a woman should want to repel. It is no loss that this type would bypass a strong, feminine, confident woman who respects herself. It is a gain to “lose” that kind of man.
There are men who have been hurt by their mother and or other women. What I have observed is that men do not seem to process pain or handle it as well as women do.
On average, women seem to have a higher threshold for both physical and emotional pain. When it comes to emotional pain, I have observed that many women can get hurt over and over again, but are still willing to take the risk for love.
However, when a man gets hurt, he may turn into a lifelong player or become permanently bitter and angry at women. He may marry and mistreat his wife. This is not every man, of course.
In addition, some men do not seem to ever get over emotional pain from their relationships with women. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, rage and even violence.
9. Lack of integrity.
This sums it up. Bottom line. The previously mentioned reasons some men don’t value women all relate back to a character problem. Men who lack integrity do not value women. As always, a woman should know her worth. She should value herself and this will be known by others.
When she values herself, she can repel those who do not value her. Even if they are not repelled, she will not settle for less than she deserves when she values herself.
Obviously, a woman of integrity should respect and value men as well. Last but not least, they may be harder to come by, but there are men out there who do value women.
“May integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you.” – Psalms 25: 21
Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.