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10 Great Reasons To Abstain From Sex Outside Of Marriage


(Photo: Unsplash)

This post is to give encouragement to make decisions that will not only be pleasing to God, but will make life less stressful and complicated. I see the pain, I see the hurt. I have witnessed the heartache, stress and how hard life can be when consequences come for decisions made. I understand that not everybody is a follower of Jesus Christ. I speak based on my own belief in God and His ways. My belief system is based on the word of God and His will.

Furthermore, none of us are without faults and without having made mistakes. I have made plenty mistakes. Thank God for His goodness, grace and mercy. Through my experiences and observations I realize more and more why all of God’s commands are so beneficial for us.

God is Holy, but He also is a God of grace, mercy, and forgiveness! Repentance is key. When we confess our faults to Him, He will forgive us and cleanse us of our unrighteousness (1 John 1: 9). There is no need to feel condemnation and to beat ourselves up over mistakes we have made in the past.

What is helpful and most important is to confess our faults to God and move forward in compliance to Him. In this post, I will discuss ten important and beneficial reasons to abstain from having sex outside of marriage.

1. To avoid fornication and please God by doing so.

Fornication is sexual immorality. The Bible says to flee fornication (1 Corinthians 6: 18-20).

2. The possibility of being abandoned after becoming pregnant.

If unmarried and having a child, the chances are greater for solo child rearing. Parenting was never meant to be a one-man or one-woman task.

3. Single motherhood.

Being a single parent is probably about twice as hard as parenting should be. Single parenthood sets the wrong example for the child to witness. God’s plan is for a married man and woman to both bring up godly seed for His glory. 

Ideally, a child should be able to witness this example and grow up within circumstances being raised by both loving parents. I know that due to circumstances, this is not always possible. However, it is ideal.

Waiting for marriage is safer in many ways.

4. Pregnancy and childbirth can be risky.

At the very least, a woman should be in a loving marriage where she is provided for, loved and cared for by her husband, before she decides to have a child, along with all that it entails. After childbirth, during recovery and post-partum depression, it is better to have a loving and supportive husband through it all. 

Pregnancy and childbirth are not illness or a medical emergency under normal circumstances. However, childbirth has been interfered with by many man-made and often unnecessary interventions. This can greatly complicate things. In addition, some women have pre-existing conditions that they have no control over. This increases risk.

Other women live rather unhealthy, sedentary lifestyles, which doesn’t help. Being in optimal health as much as possible is very important. God built women to birth and it is a natural process. Regardless of what a woman does or doesn’t do to be in optimal health, an emergency can arise anyhow.

There are genetic factors, conditions, and other things that can happen that are outside of a woman’s control, but under normal and healthy circumstances, many women do just fine. Things can become complicated when people unnecessarily induce women, do unnecessary C-sections and also have women giving birth on their backs, working against gravity. But that’s another story.

Some women find it works out better doing a home birth with midwives or a doula, rather than giving birth in a hospital setting. Regardless, of all the possibilities, it is good for a woman to have the support of a loving husband while she goes through it all.

5. Within a healthy marriage there is more security, stability and accountability.

At least, if a woman is married and something goes unfortunately wrong, she can have things in order legally for alimony and child support. Child support can be pursued as a single mother, but I believe it can be more difficult in this kind of situation, since she is not legally bound to her child’s father. If she is not married to him and he messes up for example, these are stranded , then she cannot get alimony.

The father may also move around, change jobs frequently or not work at all, in addition to not being legally bound to her in marriage. Therefore, it may be more difficult to pursue and receive financial support.

6. Avoiding STDS and other infections.

Yes, no sexual contact means no chance of contracting any of the many diseases and infections that are being passed around.

Some of these conditions are chronic with a need for continual monitoring and treatment. Having an std while pregnant or giving birth can put the baby’s health at risk as well.

Even if it is not technically a sexually transmitted disease or virus, many women end up in the doctor’s office to treat infections that they get from dealing with men. Due to carelessness and lack of proper sanitary practices, some men can cause bacterial infections in women.

Freedom from emotional and spiritual bondage is very important.

7. Avoiding soul ties.

If sex is avoided before marriage, this particular kind of soul tie can be avoided as well. Soul ties are a form of spiritual bondage in the present and the future for the people who are tied.

8. Abstaining is self-care.

Women should take good care of themselves- spirit, mind, and body.  Single motherhood can be greatly stressful for a variety of reasons. Historically, a lot of girls and women have suffered a lot by not knowing how to take better care of themselves.

Many did not or do not know how to take better care of themselves when it comes to relationships. They may have low self-esteem. Loneliness plays a big role. Ladies have risked and suffered a lot in their quest for love and to have a man. It ought not to be. God’s desire is for a woman to be loved and cherished; not mistreated and undervalued.

I would love to see girls and women doing things differently so that their decisions enrich their lives. Many women have looked to a man to validate them. But is the man worth having? Not if he is the average user, abuser, disrespecter and mistreater of women. Being in a relationship or married does not validate someone. The sad thing is, some ladies lives are way more stressful instead of them feeling fulfilled in their relationships.

9. For the child’s sake.

It is best for the child’s all-around well-being to be in an environment with a loving father and mother who are married. Children need the stability, structure, security, and right example that this union displays.

10. God’s way works best for men, women, children, and consequently, for society as a whole.

For anyone who is a single parent, they can do a great job in their circumstances. In fact, many do! I pray they keep up the good work, by the grace of God. Also, just because someone becomes a parent, it doesn’t automatically mean that they should marry the person they have a child with.

It is a mistake to marry the wrong person because of already having a child with them. I like to address things from a preventative standpoint, so this is an important topic. Girls and young ladies need all of the warnings and knowledge ahead of time, if at all possible.

There is a lot at stake. We have all done some things we regret. We have all done things when the timing was simply not the best. God’s grace is sufficient. It is important to learn lessons so that knowledge acquired can be applied in future endeavors.

Children are not a mistake. They are a gift. Still, there is a time, place, and the right situation to have them in. Many parents love their children, but wish that they had them under different circumstances. Sadly, some parents have voiced regret at even having their children.

May God empower parents all around the world to bring up their children rightly and safely. I pray that all who desire it will grow in wisdom, grace and knowledge of our Lord, and surrender to doing things His way. There is divine purpose in doing things His way.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”
Ecclesiastes 12: 13.

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.” Malachi 2: 15.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”
Psalms 127: 3.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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