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DM, How do I get past this? – Divorce Minister


Do you have any teachings on when the ex spouse who cheated marries the affair partner and then they start going to church and never repented or tried making amends to the spouse and children left behind.

I’m struggling immensely trying to process how the ex and affair partner all the friends and the family have left the kids and i in the dust and have even bullied us while simultaneously rooting on the relationship and marriage of two adulterers.

Even the church (Baptist) blindly praise them, worship and celebrated their nuptials.

I can’t seem to get past this.

This whole thing has really shook me to my core, and it’s been ongoing for years now, but the betrayal just never seems to cease, with the willful sins. I think that’s the hardest part for me.

Are they all delusional or am I the delusional one, am I to report to their pastor how hurtful it is to me to see a leader of a church perform their wedding ceremony, am I just too judged…just never stops, and everyone just moves along with how swell they are.

-Struggling

My heart hurts with you. What an incredible amount of betrayal! I am sorry that you’re all going through this. It is not how true followers and lovers of Jesus are to act.

You wrote,

Are they all delusional or am I the delusional one, am I to report to their pastor how hurtful it is to me to see a leader of a church perform their wedding ceremony, am I just too judged…just never stops, and everyone just moves along with how swell they are.

I do not think it will serve you to contact the pastor of the Cheater’s church.

It sounds like they did not reach out to you prior to celebrating your ex’s wedding; so, I doubt they are open to listening to the harm they have done to you and the kids.

Best not to throw pearls before swine here (Mt 7:6).

As to the “friends” and family celebrating this, I would recommend shifting your relational energies elsewhere. These people are NOT your friends. They are people engaging in active harm, clearly. Such people need to be marginalized in your life for your own healing.

One of life’s hardest lessons is the lesson that we only control our own actions and decisions.

This means we don’t control how other people respond to us or the cheater. We are best served focusing on ourselves. When we focus on what we don’t control–namely, others’ behavior–we will make ourselves miserable.

Plenty of religious people are going the opposite way from God. Matthew 7:21-23 talks about how some people will claim Jesus as Lord and even do miracles in his name, but he will tell them to depart from him! These are religious people that Jesus is teaching on here.

My point is we need to understand that people might say the right things but be in broken relationship with Jesus.

Clearly, God is not confused about your situation. He does NOT celebrate your ex’s remarriage as God does not celebrate sin. His heart breaks for you and the kids. That church and all who celebrate with them are out of step with God in these matters.

Once again, I am sorry you find yourself surrounded by so many Judases. Remember to focus on what you do control–i.e. yourself.

You are not the delusional one here. They are living the lie–namely, that God blesses sin. Never forget that.

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Republished with permission from www.divorceminister.com.

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