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Choosing a Partner Wisely but Realistically.


(Photo: Unsplash)

No one is ready made. When someone  meets the right person, that person will be flawed just like anybody else. They won’t be perfect, but are the perfect person for the one they are suited for. Healthy relationships consist of imperfect, compatible people who happen to love and respect each other.

Typically, they will be attracted to each other and have a significant amount of things in common. Shared faith / core values are very important. Similar political beliefs are helpful. Some common interests such as interests in certain hobbies, goals are important. All interests will not necessarily be the same. However, the couple will have enough in common that they are compatible.

I intentionally and frequently remind myself of this because it is easy to become distracted by my experiences, expectations or checklists. While I  have standards for myself and a potential partner, I want to also have realistic  expectations.

My standards and expectations for a partner must be seasoned with knowledge, wisdom, grace and understanding.

I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and continue to make some mistakes. I have a work in progress. So are other people. We all have been exposed to different environments and have different backgrounds. These factors have helped to shape our perspectives and behavior.

It is actually unfair for me to compare myself to someone based on their background or experiences. Backgrounds and experiences can be so different. That said, it is important to keep reasonable and high standards, set those healthy boundaries and have compassion and show grace at the same time.

Grace, understanding and empathy is good alongside wisdom, caution and standards.

It is a delicate balance. For me, it takes prayer and wisdom from above to get it right. Or even partially right. Besides wisdom to guide me, I look for progress in myself and in others. If we are moving forward, it should be evident. We may stumble along the way, but the important thing is to get back on track and keep moving forward.

I stand firmly on core values because they cannot be compromised. Personal preferences can be compromised.

An ideal partner for a woman does not have to be 6’3. He doesn’t have to earn six or seven figures annually. His biceps don’t have to be the biggest. For ladies who want to end up in the right relationship, the focus should always be on that person’s character.

That person’s character will not be perfect. If they are doing the right thing, they are learning from mistakes, repenting and moving forward. A healthy couple learns, makes mistakes and grows together.

I noticed that some women are stating personal preferences as their top priorities. This is concerning.

They mention the man needing to be funny, the man’s height and other aspects of his body as well as his high salary earnings. There is nothing wrong with having a preference, but it should not be prioritized over standards which are rooted in values. His character matters most.

As a woman, I know I must be very careful to prioritize character. If the character is right, the rest will fall into place. A man with the right character will not be lazy. He will be responsible if he has the right character. If he is a follower of Jesus Christ and God fearing man, the rest will fall into place.

I don’t personally have to pick apart how much he makes. As long as he works to the best of his ability or potential, and is a responsible adult, he is doing well. I must also do my best and be a responsible adult. If he is ambitious and moving forward in the corporate world, he’s doing fine.

Yes, the ability to earn, save and budget wisely and efficiently is important.

With the word of God as a guide, and through prayer and using discernment from the Holy Spirit, a woman will not be led astray. A God-fearing couple who has integrity, has mutual love and respect for each other along with other compatibilities should do just fine.

A woman needs to feel safe and know she is safe with her man. My trust is in God, and I want to be prudent in prayerfully observing and vetting a man. A woman’s safety should be one of her top priorities. It is more important to be safe, loved and have a faithful partner than to have a funny partner who has the “perfect” body. Preferences are okay, but should definitely take a back seat to having healthy standards and boundaries.

I was pondering these things recently as a reminder and reality check for myself. As a Christian woman, my concern besides him being a follower of Jesus Christ is, is he safe? Well, if he is who he says he is, then he will be safe. A person who follows Jesus Christ will manifest that by the love that he shows (John 13: 35).

Love does not harm anyone.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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