God did not fail as the head of the marriage! - Divorce Minister

She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery.

-Jeremiah 3:8a, NLT

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church….

-Ephesians 5:23a, KJV

When pastors and elders choose to blame marriages ending on men failing as “spiritual heads,” I would like them to answer a question for me:

The obvious answer is that God did not.

This has theological implications. It means you have to adjust your divorce theology to include instances where the divorce is not caused by male leadership failure.

Even God does not control the issues of our hearts, He gives us freedom to choose righteousness or sin. The same goes for wives and husbands who ought to reflect this freedom to be in a truly godly marriage.

In fact, I would maintain the theology that teaches male headship to the extreme where such failing is “impossible” is an abusive teaching. We are not meant to be that controlling of another adult.

The husband is not Holy Spirit (and vice versa). That role is already taken. It also means that either party can choose to defy Holy Spirit in the marriage.

When a spouse–husband or wife–defies God and commits adultery, that sin is completely upon the adulterous party. We answer for our own sins before Christ is what the Bible teaches us, not our spouse’s (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).

*A version of this post ran previously.