Denigrating sharing by cheaters – Divorce Minister

David Derksen

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“She was being unfair. Jane knew just what a good soldier her husband was, but a woman who has deserted her man and stolen his fortune soon learns to denigrate his memory as a justification for her actions.”

-Bernarnd Cornwell, Waterloo (#11) (Sharpe Book 20), New York, New York: Penguin Books, 1987, pp65.

The above quote is from a book I have been reading that is historical fiction. In this book, Jane is cheating on her husband, Sharpe. She has just said something unflattering about Sharpe to her lover and then this piece of narration is delivered.

Based on this quote, this worldly author of fiction, Bernard Cornwell, seems to understand the dynamics of infidelity better than the seasoned pastors that interviewed me a decade or so ago about my cheater!

Cheaters are not unbiased assessors of character when it comes to the partner they are spurning. It is to their “benefit” to denigrate rather than speak the truth about the faithful party.

Sadly, some Christian pastors are naive about this dynanic.

They think hearing “both sides” of the story will help. This tired “wisdom” is truly a waste of time once infidelity is in the picture.

Do they not understand that such an approach is just an invitation to a cheater to lie and attack their faithful partner more?!

The temptation for a cheater is to provide a highly negative picture of their faithful partner and the marriage. A person seeking to understand the truth will understand the cheater’s perspective remains tainted and distorted, at least, until he or she repents of the adultery and lies.

It is a waste of time asking the cheater’s opinion of their marriage and the faithful spouse. Their cheating speaks for them. They lost all objectivity once they started violating their marriage vows!

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