Adultery Damages More Than the Faithful Partner – Divorce Minister

David Derksen

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Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

-Job 2:13, NIV

Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as well.

Sure, the couple is primary in both of those days and events. However, the emotional joy and pain is shared across the family and friend systems. It is not just a “private” affair. The pain shocks reverberate through the whole community.

Plus, think about the parents of the faithful spouse:

I will never forget how my father experience my first marriage’s demise. He told me that his own mother’s death was easier on him.

We, parents, feel the pain of our children. That does not even mention the pain caused to the children who have to sort the pain done to the family by the abandoning cheater.

Adultery is SO more than a “private” sin.

This is why I get annoyed at those who trivialize adultery and its damage. It is so painful. Plus, that pain is felt across the family (and friendships).

Those that teach adultery as if it is enlightened relationship behavior are enabling cruelty, in my opinion.

There is a new popular country song that prompted this post.* It is about dating and breaking up. While that is more trivial than a divorce, I appreciate how the singer talks about the community cost of a relationship ending.

The song is “More Hearts Than Mine” by Ingrid Andress. Here’s a link:

*A version of this post ran in 2019. Still, it is a good song. I had a lovely, refreshing spiritual retreat. It is good to be back, too.

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