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A Woman’s Right To Choose


(Photo: Unsplash)

I sympathize with women because of the many difficulties plenty have in their relationships. I cannot identify with witnessing physical abuse between my parents. I cannot identify with girls who have grown up watching their mothers bringing different men in and out of the house or those who have a father that cheated on their mother.

Seeing dysfunction in the home as a girl can normalize it for some. Some girls witness all kinds of things and for them, it becomes normal. I understand. However, I want to continue to encourage women in knowing that these behaviors are not normal or ok and that there is a better way

There are still young ladies growing up without proper guidance. I observe proof of this frequently. It is a matter of knowing and choosing a better way. Personally, I know I have not only a right to choose, but it is my obligation to choose wisely. Based on observation, I believe that for many women, the majority of their problems come from their romantic relationships or marriages.

I will continue to proactively encourage those who have not yet married. This post is about a woman’s right to choose to do right or wrong; to choose misery, or make wise decisions that will not rob her of peace and joy in life. A woman has the right to choose to be an enabler of bad behavior in her man or to be an enabler of only the good in her man.

She can choose to protect the life of her innocent, unborn child or simply prevent pregnancy in the first place. A woman can also be an enabler of her own mistreatment. Or, she may choose to love herself, set high standards and healthy boundaries instead. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.

What is it that women want in a man?

As I always say, women are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior, but we are responsible for our own behavior and for how we allow ourselves to be treated. Women are also responsible for treating their men and others well.

It goes both ways. One thing it appears some women are looking for in a man is exciting over boring. I suppose whether or not a man is “boring” or “exciting” is subjective.

Overall, I believe that plenty decent men out there are not boring. They may seem comfortable and safe. This is a good thing. For some women, not having a lot of drama in their relationship equals boring. Some women seem to be more interested in their man being “exciting” above overall good quality in their relationships.

Some women want men who are edgy, perhaps even dangerous, cocky and chased by many other women. In the eyes of these types of women, those things are appealing.

Personal preferences seem to rule some women’s choices when it comes to who they decide to partner with or marry.

I have had conversations with some women. Some women place a man being funny as one of the top priorities in their criteria. I’m not knocking humor. There is nothing wrong with being funny! I enjoy a good laugh myself. Yet, somehow some women’s personal preferences for superficial traits trump preferences for a man’s positive character qualities.

I have heard from several men that when they were out playing the field and mistreating women, they attracted a lot of women. Now that they are not interested in playing games anymore, the women are not around.

Interesting, to say the least. The men said they keep to themselves, because they are no longer interested in games. Preferring men who are not good for them is what gets a lot of women in trouble. I have lost track of how many times a woman has dreamily said, “He makes me laugh!” when asked why she is so into a man or what she appreciates most about him.

Some women chase a man’s wallet, instead of being drawn to his integrity. There are influencers who encourage women to believe that a “high-value” man is one who has a lot of money and material goods. Often the type of man being described as “high value” is a wealthy man who is also a womanizer.

A man’s noble character is far more important than his material wealth. Yes, a man can be noble and have money. They are not mutually exclusive. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of money.

The problem is when people (in this case, some women) idolize money. It is a problem when women chase or desire men primarily because of their money. In fact, these types of ladies will often settle for a toxic relationship or marriage, just as long as he is materially rich and they will have nice things.

Some ladies are being cheated on, but they stay with the wealthy man who is cheating. These ladies are also reinforcing to those men the idea that all a man needs to do is have money and he can get away with doing women wrong.

There are already too many who believe they can use money as a weapon to control women and believe that money gives them a right to cheat on and mistreat women in general. It is not a wise thing for women to be reinforcing their ideology by putting up with it.

If a woman has impure motives in her reasons for becoming involved with a man, things can backfire. Like women, men don’t like to be used either. Why should they? A man does not deserve to be used for his money, status or anything else any more than a woman should be used for sex, her money, status or anything else.

It is good for women to be self-aware when it comes to the the types of choices we are making, our motives behind our choices and potential consequences.

– Some women admit they fell for a man because he had all the right things to say. Words have been used as a weapon against women for a very long time.

You may or may not be familiar with this quote. I think it is humorous, but there is a lot of truth to it. “Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear makeup and boys lie.” Anonymous.

– It is common to hear from women that their man must be six feet plus. While personal preferences are okay, men under six feet are no less deserving of love than taller men. Tall is great! But a shorter stature is also good.

– It is common for some women to express a desire for their man to make six or seven figures.

– Some women are heavily attracted to and swayed by superficial charm.

Almost every offender I know of who harmed women was later spoken of by survivors and others as a charmer. I hope ladies pay a lot of attention to such patterns. A person having a lot of superficial charm can be a big red flag.

– There are ladies who want a man who talks a good game and has swag. But are these things really so important or necessary for a healthy relationship?

– There are Christian women who get pretty excited when they meet a man who quotes Bible verses.

Truth of the matter is, a person can know the Bible from cover to cover and not know the Lord.

Guess who else knows how to quote Bible verses? Yes, Satan, and he is no Christian. He never has been and never will be a Christian, but he knows the Word of God.

It is also important for ladies to remember there are men who are aware that some women are told to meet a man at church. I think it is a mistake to tell women this. I believe women should be reminded to be led by the Spirit, instead of being told look for a man at church.

Sure, a woman may meet her husband at church, but I think church buildings are a common place for some people to prey on others. These people know that there are Christian singles in churches who are open to meeting their spouses at church.

One of the common expectations of some Christians is that they will meet their spouses at church or at a church function. Because this is known by people who prey, they may attend church services and prey on unsuspecting Christian singles.

At the same time, it is perfectly all right and possible for authentic Christian couples to meet at church. For those of us who rely on God’s guidance and pray, seeking God’s guidance and protection ips of the utmost importance. This way we do not become deceived or led astray.

It is also good for ladies to keep the following in mind:

▪︎ It does not mean a man is uncool or boring just because he is not a player. If women don’t tend to notice him, this does not mean he is not desirable.

▪︎ A godly does not mean boring. Godly people can and should enjoy life and have fun.

▪︎ Authentic men who have a respectful, “plain” presentation, instead of the glib charm and flattery deserve a chance at love as well.

▪︎ A man is not a bad catch because he is not cocky or a player. Instead, it’s quite possible he is a good catch.

▪︎ It doesn’t mean a man is boring just because he is not all up in everybody’s business.

Yes, there are some men out there who are not ideal, but women choose who they become involved with. They choose to remain in or leave an unhealthy situation. Some women simply don’t know any better. Some may just be a bit careless. We all make mistakes. There is no shame in that.

▪︎ Excessive conflict and drama is not “exciting.”

▪︎ A man does not have to make a six or seven figure income to be worthy of having a wife or a lady in his life.

As long as he is responsible and provides to the best of his ability in a sufficient way, this is what matters.

▪︎ A man doesn’t need to be aggressive and violent to prove his masculinity. I understand that there are times when a man must defend and protect himself or others. I’m not talking about that.

A man should be courageous, have integrity, know how to be a gentleman and act like one. This is healthy masculinity. For Christian women, most importantly, they should desire a God- fearing man-one who is a follower of Jesus Christ.

Conclusion:

The truth of the matter is, some women’s personal preferences and consequent choices are what is continuing to get them into lots of trouble.

As women, it is important to check our own motives and perspectives in the decisions we are making.

We are responsible for the choices we make. It is easy to blame the other person for the unpleasant outcomes we get caught up in.

Reality is, women have a say. We get to make our own choices. In the free world, for the most part, we determine our own plights. It is not beneficial or enjoyable for me to live life as a chronic sucker for punishment. It is important to learn from any mistakes I make and not repeat the same ones over and over again.

Misery resulting from prioritizing personal preferences to make less than ideal decisions is quite optional. With these reminders, I am encouraging myself and the beautiful ladies out there to always pray.

Seek and obtain knowledge. Apply it in life. Keep God first, keep motives pure and use wisdom and caution in making decisions.

“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19: 14.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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