“We NEVER talk!” cries Cheater.
The irony about this sort of statement from a cheater is how their own failure to talk with the faithful spouse is by design.
Whether emotional or physical or both, the affair was a relationship cloaked in secrecy. The cheater did not communicate this critical information–namely their cheating–to the faithful spouse.
Yet, now, the cheater wants to complain about “communication issues” as if their side does not hold the greatest share of such issues!
I would not recommend continuing a conversation with a cheater who is stuck in this mentality. They have already chosen to blame you for their sins.
The marriage is over. They are not going to repent in that mindset.
A wise pastor can spot this and help the faithful spouse avoid further abuse by stating this sad reality about the marriage. It is not in the faithful spouse’s best interest–emotionally or spiritually–to continue conversations where the cheater blames them for the marriage issues while refusing to repent for cheating.
A repentant cheater understands they blew it and their marriage concerns pale in comparison to what they just did to their spouse. They respect that. Then they put their partner’s needs to heal first.
Unrepentant cheaters whine and repeat their pet, marriage grievances completely cold to the damage they’ve done to their partner. That is what this “cheater-speak” reveals–i.e. an unrepentant cheater.
Republished with permission from www.divorceminister.com.