This post is inspired by a conversation I was involved in recently. The conversation showed me the opinions of people who are also propagating false information based on those opinions. They are sharing false information to both men and women. It is the same false information that has been planted in the minds of people long ago. It is a double standard.
People have a right to have their own views. I respect that. But some views are very harmful. These views are harmful because they are wrong according to the righteousness of God. This means they are wrong period. It is not a matter of subjectivity. Bad ideology is pushed because certain people benefit from it.
The topic at hand was cheating and how a man can love a woman; yet cheat on her.
He can? Before I get into it too much, I understand that everyone, including myself has made mistakes. I have never cheated, but I’ve made my share of various mistakes. I understand some people cheat and they eventually stop.
Other people could still be cheating, but there is hope for them. There is always hope for positive change, as long as someone is still alive and willing to change. I’m not here to put individuals down or to attack any person, but the act of cheating itself is deplorable.
That said, in this recent conversation, a woman was saying a man loves a woman and still cheats on her, but the woman doesn’t love or respect the man when she cheats on him. Some men were agreeing with her. This woman gives relationship advice to women. Her perspective sounded familiar to me. I have heard it before.
There have been plenty men and some women who claim that it’s “different” when men and women cheat, because men can “love” a woman and still cheat on her. But if a woman cheats on a man, it means she doesn’t love or respect him, and she is worse because she gets attached.
So what they are saying is, it means the man loves and respects his woman by cheating on her? Really?! These are the kinds of double standards I was exposed to from a young age.
As I became older, I learned quickly through common sense, basic human decency, and studying the word of God that these beliefs are WRONG. Certain double standards are so ingrained in many of us. Generationally, they are passed down.
If we take the topic of cheating back to the word of God, these double standards have no basis in scripture. But the double standards were created by some men, reinforced by some women. Yet, some people hold fast to these beliefs. Actually, there are both men and women who reinforce double standards.
A reminder to ladies is that despite what we may have been taught, despite what the culture says, despite what is popular or common, love does no one any harm. Men do not cheat on their wives or girlfriends out of love and respect for them! Of course, women do not cheat out of love or respect for their men either, but people tend to already admit this.
“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” Romans 13: 10.
Men do not cheat on their woman while loving her or being in love with her. You can cheat on someone when you don’t give a flip or a flap about them. You can cheat on some because you may like them the way you like your sneakers.
You may “love” them the way you love a piece of cake that you indulge in. But you are not in love with them and the affection you feel for them is likely based off what they do for you. This is not actually loving the person in a real and pure sense.
All excuses, justifications and rationalizations aside, a man does not cheat on a woman because he loves her. Neither does he cheat on her while actually loving her. Some women were taught that a man loves a woman and cheats on her because he can’t help it.
Teaching women this has influenced some of them to basically give their men a pass for cheating. And this is exactly what has happened in a lot of relationships. Many women have been putting up with their men cheating .
The Bible speaks out against fornication and adultery and never implies we should be more lenient on men when it comes to sexual immorality.
“Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11.
It is a very low quality counterfeit of “love” that produces such behavior as cheating. A man does not cheat because he “accidentally” cheated. He doesn’t cheat because it was a mistake. Cheating, whether it is by a man or a woman, is very intentional.
Despite men’s cheating being watered down and some girls and women being conditioned to be tolerant of it, it is a terrible betrayal. It it is no more holy when a man cheats than when a woman cheats.
I hope ladies process and understand that being cheated on is not something they should take lightly. They can and should forgive it. However, forgiveness does not mean remaining in the situation.
If a woman is dating or engaged and gets cheated on, she would do well to very seriously reconsider the relationship. It is shocking to me how much some of the men who cheat, despise a woman cheating on them and may spend their whole lives not forgiving her or forgetting it.
Yet, some of the same men act like it’s a casual thing when a man cheats on a woman. I find this deplorable. Ladies, cheating is not love! Neither is there any excuse for it.
Many of you know this. It is not relevant whether he loved the woman he cheated with or not. Love has nothing to do with it. We understand that many of them sleep around with no affectionate emotions attached. This has nothing to do with their cheating somehow being more of a minor offense.
Cheating is not accidental. Cheating on someone can get the cheater and worse yet, their spouse exposed to STDs. Not to mention the fact that it is a terrible, terrible betrayal. It is not something that many relationships can recover from.
The reason some relationships survive cheating, is that often, it is women keeping the man around when he cheats, because many women and girls have been indoctrinated to expect less of men and to tolerate more from them.
In addition, there are complications such as women already having had children with cheating partners or women being married and not wanting to disrupt their marriages. I understand that marriage is a serious thing and is a covenant that is meant to be permanent between the husband, wife and God. Sometimes, a man is cheated on and stays as well.
However, the marriage may never, ever be the same after such betrayal, even if the couple stays together. Both men and women deserve to have faithful spouses. That’s all there is to it. People do actually know this, but some people push a different and one-sided narrative to give themselves a pass.
It is past time for certain (especially unmarried) women to stop reinforcing certain double standards by putting up with cheating. Marriage is a serious and sacred institution and requires among other steps, serious consideration and prayer for guidance on how to proceed after infidelity.
Because there are some women out there giving other women very bad advice, that many more women, giving right and good advice is necessary. I find it necessary to touch again periodically on these topics.
This has been a reminder for women not to settle for less. We live in a biased world that still has double standards. Ladies should know their worth, have dignity, and love themselves in a healthy way. Standards and boundaries should be set accordingly. And women cheat too! Fortunately, not a lot of men are tolerant of women cheating on them. I believe without a doubt that a man does not love a woman if he can cheat on her. If people would follow this Bible command, they wouldn’t cheat:
“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7: 12 (NLT).
Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.