Dear Pastor’s Wife (Part 2)
Three Revive Our Hearts Ambassadors who are also seasoned ministry wives are back with advice for pastor’s wives on how to support their husbands. Not a pastor’s wife yourself? Read and consider how you could support your pastor’s wife in her ministry to her husband, her family, and your church.
Dear Pastor’s Wife,
Do you ever wish you had someone on speed dial who could answer all of your questions about conflict in ministry, friendship, or finances? Someone who could be a safe place for prayer and encouragement, especially when it comes to the delicate issues of life as a pastor’s wife?
In yesterday’s blog post, you met three Revive Our Hearts Ambassadors: Joette, Kayce, and Kim, women who have empathy for the challenges ministry wives face and who are passionately committed to seeing women thrive in the places that God has called them. One way these Ambassadors serve is by regularly meeting and talking with pastors’ wives just like you. As you read part two of their interview, picture yourself on the phone with them, dear sisters with the deep desire to encourage you in Christ.
K: What advice would you give to a pastor’s wife who is struggling with discouraging feedback from church members, or who may be facing fallout from a difficult decision that her husband has made?
Kim: If you are struggling with discouraging feedback, I would pray with you and ask the Lord to help protect you from bad feelings toward that person. I would ask God to help you forgive, to not hold grudges, and to allow you to look at these times as opportunities to put Christ’s love on display.
If you are facing fallout from a good but difficult decision that your husband has made, I would encourage you to pray for him and the situation. My hope is that you would encourage him to continue standing for truth, even if it means he may be misunderstood or feel like he is standing alone.
If you are facing fallout from a bad decision that he has made, I would suggest that you pray that the Lord would reveal that to him. Instead of just blaming him, you could ask some thought provoking questions that may help him see the results of his decisions.
Kayce: My advice is to stay rooted and grounded in God’s Word every single day. Keep a soft heart by worrying about yourself and trusting the Lord with everybody else! Hold fast to God’s character, and believe that He uses every circumstance and struggle for our good and His glory. He has a plan and a purpose, and we can trust Him because He is a good Father. Practically, when faced with difficult conversations or backlash, be quick to listen with an open mind and soft heart, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Take time to listen, but then take it to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him for wisdom, grace, and guidance.
Joette: Seek to support (not criticize) the direction that church leadership is moving. Keep that discussion at home and on your knees before the throne. Protect your personal margins: spend time with Jesus, just to be with Him. Find a sister and friend outside of your church. I am blessed with three who know me deeply but differently. Each brings a unique perspective, wisdom, and richness to my life.
K: What boundaries do you recommend pastors’ wives implement to protect their hearts, their homes, or their priorities?
Kayce: The best way to protect our hearts and homes is by daily being in the Word and seeking the Lord for guidance with our time and priorities. He knows our needs and when we need to say yes and when we need to say no.
Kim: Priorities are very important: God first, then family. Family is our first ministry, and then is ministry outside the home. When that gets out of order, it’s very easy for resentment to set in. To make sure you are protecting your home, it is best that before committing to and saying yes [to outside ministry], you pray about it and discuss it with your husband.
Joette: Do not feel you must attend every event. Empower others to pursue their passions and give them freedom to use their gifts. Never listen to complaints about your husband—gently and lovingly stop the conversation and direct them to your husband personally and then to the elders. Remind others that your children are just normal kids!
Go out for coffee with the girls and just be one of the girls!
K: It can be difficult for pastors’ wives to know who to turn to when they are weary and needing encouragement. What wisdom would you share for finding a trustworthy friend or mentor like this?
Joette: Find a friend who is grounded in the Word, loves you enough to address the hard stuff, and knows you well enough to see the difference between “this is a real problem” and “I need to get this off my chest.”
Kim: To find a trustworthy friend, the best way is to ask the Lord to reveal to you who would be a good friend. In the meantime, be the kind of friend to others that you are wanting to find. Start by seeking out a wise, godly woman who would not be afraid to tell you the truth—one who displays the fruit of the Spirit.
Kayce: It takes time and just as much work (if not more) on our part to make safe and solid relationships. We have to be willing to do the hard work and invest in people and show them we are trustworthy. We have to be willing to be raw and real and trust the Lord with all of it.
K: Why should a pastor’s wife reach out to the Revive Our Hearts Ambassador in her area?
Kayce: Because these ladies can be that safe space, point you to Christ, be that friend you are looking for, as well as give you resources to do what the Lord has called you to!
Joette: Your Ambassador can give you the safe place you need to pour out your heart and hurt. We can’t fix the issue itself, but we can encourage you to hold on to the One who is more than able. We can point you to His promises and unchanging character.
Kim: Reach out to an Ambassador if you are feeling lonely, discouraged, ready to call it quits, or just need a little encouragement. We would love to come alongside you and help by holding up your arms as Aaron and Hur did for Moses. We would love to encourage you by praying with and for you, and to connect you with other pastors’ wives that would understand what you may be facing.
K: As an Ambassador, what is your prayer for the ministry wives you serve (and the pastor’s wife reading this blog post)?
Kayce: May she have a deep and meaningful relationship with You. May she spend time in the Word daily and make it a priority. May she have a strong desire to serve the people You have called her to serve, and may those people love and serve her back! May she have a strong, solid marriage that can handle the stresses of the ministry and all areas of life. May she understand that this life the Lord has given her may lead to some of the lowest lows and greatest greats, but that all of it will be for Your glory and her good.
Joette: May she have perseverance to run the race marked out for her. As the deer pants for water, may she thirst for righteousness. May God strengthen her out of His glorious riches and through the power of the Spirit that lives within her. May her inner being be strengthened each day out of His glorious riches and through the power of the Spirit that lives within her. May she be strengthened each day as she wakes up to Your steadfast love every morning.
Kim: I often pray Colossians 1:9–12:
For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven’t stopped praying for you. We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light.
Amen. To find a Revive Our Hearts Ambassador in your area and experience the joy of being known and loved by leaders like Kayce, Joette, and Kim, visit https://www.reviveourhearts.com/ambassadors/connect/.
From your garden to your favorite small business, you know it’s true: good things grow from the ground up! That’s why here at Revive Our Hearts, we count on our grassroots team of Ambassadors to share their enthusiasm for the ministry while supporting pastors’ wives and women’s ministry leaders in their regions and communities. We’re looking for more women to help sow the message of freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ in locations near and far. Could it be that God is calling you to serve in the ROH corner of his vineyard as an Ambassador to your community? Visit ReviveOurHearts.com/Ambassadors to find out!