Single & Over 40 & Unbothered!

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Single & Over 40 & Unbothered!

I’m single, over 40, and unbothered. Why is that? Because I know who I am, I’ve found purpose in my experience, processed my pain, and remain hopeful and open to love. We live within several cultures that attempt to label women and shame women for where they are in life. However, as adult women, we have the responsibility to see ourselves properly. Out of the proper view of ourselves will come the daily strength to face each day.

I know who I am and my single status doesn’t devalue my worth by any means. 

I am still a daughter of God, beautiful, healthy, and worthy of love. We have a responsibility to carry ourselves as worthy of love and all that this Christ-centered life has to bring us. I read a book, “The Five Love Languages, Single’s Version” that shared a beautiful principle that what we feel we lack we should sow into others and it will come back to us—due to the Biblical principle that says we reap what we sow. Because I am well aware of my need for love and genuine affection, I sow that into others.

After all, the scripture tells us to love others as we first love ourselves. I’ve faithfully used my single time to prepare myself and develop into a well-rounded loving woman. These things that I’ve sown will come back to me. They come back to me even now in forms of love that aren’t yet romantic. I have interests who would be suitable partners if there was mutual attraction and readiness on both parts. All of these things are reminders that I am on the right path. So, I keep going. When you know who you are; despite what the labels say—you continue with confidence and strength. Because our confidence isn’t rooted in temporary things, but it is rooted in Christ and all of the Biblical principles of wisdom and grace we’ve learned over the years.

So, no. My singleness is not something to be ashamed of at this age. It is something that a qualified man has to attain. When you know who you are; you only entertain the qualified.

I’ve found my purpose within my singleness.

If I had gotten married younger, I would not have had such an impact as I’ve had as a single woman. How ironic that I became an adult during a time when 50% of Americans would be single. Where many would lose hope that a healthy relationship is even possible. Where women would begin to act like men in taking on unnatural sexual prowess just to not be alone. During dark times, the righteous shine as lights. This is us. Women like me who have been single for a long time, but have maintained our character all of these years.

Not only have I maintained my character, but it has grown stronger. God uses my victories in singleness to encourage other singles that they can do it too. They can find joy and purpose in this life as a single woman or man or a married woman or man. Neither is better than the other. It’s just where we are at the time. I’ve been able to share with others through my books, blogs, small groups, and speaking engagements how I’ve been able to navigate singleness successfully. Sometimes people assume that successful singleness means you avoid being single for a long time. However, successful singleness can be maintaining your wholeness, joy, peace, and hope during singleness for a long time.

I’ve processed my pain.

Yes, I have not always felt as confident. I’ve been very vulnerable at times. There is something about getting older and losing those close to you through death. The loss of family and friends that make you feel safe as a single woman—takes away from the sense of security enjoyed when they were alive. I’ve felt a little more alone in the world.

However, this was also an opportunity to band me together more closely with those who are left. It is also an opportunity to grow a little closer in my trust in the Lord. I’ve been astounded at God’s ability to heal me of the unique pain of getting older and losing loved ones as a never-married single woman. I’d hoped to have experienced that type of pain with a closer connection of support. However, life doesn’t always work out the way we hope. Yet, in Christ, we persevere.

We also learn to see painful experiences as opportunities for God to grow and expand us. How are you viewing your singleness at an older age of 40 or above? Do you have a support system around you to help in maintaining a positive outlook. Join my Facebook group, “Singles Living for Christ.” Or, sign up for my email list to learn more information about my upcoming coaching program for Single Christian Women to Walk in Wholeness Who Desire Marriage.