For people who are single and desire marriage, it is always important to remember that there are still decent people who would make an ideal spouse. Not everyone means you or me harm. I could never fairly and truthfully say that all men are no good. No one can ever truthfully or fairly say that all women are no good. It’s simply not true.
Every individual must be selective.The key is to learn to recognize those who mean us harm and guard ourselves accordingly. It is best not to become involved with them. If involved already, at least, be willing to let them go, forgive, heal, and move forward.
As always, this means having high standards and setting healthy boundaries. An individual should know their own worth. Consequently, they should value themselves, and not settle for those who do not also value them.
We have a common enemy. When we do not allow God to be our matchmaker, the enemy works as our matchmaker to help pair us up with the wrong person. I desire for God to be my matchmaker.
The adversary is a thief. (John 10: 10). One of the main ways he steals joy and destroys someone is by using another person or other people against them. When it comes to dealing with problems, I focus a lot on prevention as much as possible.
I share about warning signs to look for based on my experiences, observations, and Bible knowledge. I acknowledge what right standards are, based on the word of God. Even for those who do not read the Bible or are not Christian, basic logic, healthy self-esteem, and using common sense helps a lot.
In particular, a lot of the young ladies in their teens and young women in their early twenties are ill-informed. Some are going through many relationship hardships, and have become disillusioned.
I have taken note that some women who are in their late twenties and beyond have been through enough hardships that they are becoming more guarded and raising their standards. This is wonderful! Yet, prevention is best.
As I continue to learn, I enjoy learning from other women as well. My prayer is that women will continue to become more supportive of one another, encourage each other, share with each other, and build one another up. Women continue to be significant influencers in the grand scheme of life, including relationships.
For each individual woman with high standards, there are many women who have low standards.
• There are some men looking for the easy and convenient life at the expense of their women. There are women looking to do the same with their men.
• Some men tend to choose women with high tolerance, low self-esteem, and low standards. They have many women to choose from.
• This often leaves good quality women who desire to meet the right man single for undesireably long periods of time.
• It appears that from generation to generation, due to ungodly patriarchal influence, many people put far more effort into training girls well to be women of integrity. This way, they would be enjoyable women for their husbands.
• I believe this is one major reason why throughout time, men have typically had an easier time finding a decent woman, than women have had finding decent men.
• Also, some girls were conditioned to believe that they needed to be “rescued” by a man. Being single and unmarried was an “undesirable” situation that she needed to be rescued from.
• Women were conditioned to believe that the man was doing them a favor by marrying them, instead of acknowledging that it is a mutual blessing and a bonus (not social necessity) when two people who are right for each other get married.
• At the same time, it appears many people did not train their boys to be men of integrity who would be enjoyable husbands for their wives.
• Often, emphasis for boys and men has been placed on prestige or general corporate success; not as much on righteous character and learning how to cultivate, maintain, and value healthy relationships.
• In addition, it was not as often seen as a reproach if a man was unmarried. He was seen as a bachelor. Even if he was unmarried, he likely would not stay that way for a long since he would typically have a plethora of options to choose from.
• Quality, available women appear to far outnumber quality, available men.
• This has caused some decent women to drop their standards and settle for less, in order to have a man. It is easy to get a man, but not so easy to to acquire a quality man, because there is such a shortage.
• Some women get tired of waiting, so they settle. They should understand that by settling for less, they are perpetuating the deficit of decent men.
• The supply of decent men available is lower than it should be. Again, this is in part because of many boys being improperly trained, and not having a man (or men) show them the right example. Despite beginnings, in the end, it is an individual choice not to do better though.
•Due to unfair social conditioning, the demand from a lot of women for a man to reasonably measure up has often been lower than it should be.
Therefore, the deficit of decent men is partly a result of a lack of demand for quality individuals. Maybe some women feel decent men don’t even exist. Perhaps, they believe decent men are so rare that they may never meet one, so they compromise on their standards to have a man.
Decent men do exist. Never settle on foundational values or for less than you deserve.
Trust in God. No matter how long the wait, at the right time, meeting the right one can happen. The woman who desires a loving relationship that leads to a healthy marriage can have it.
A godly woman can meet a godly man and have the chemistry, compatibility, and mutual interests she needs in order to move forward with him. It takes time. Sometimes, it takes longer than one might imagine. It is key to be content in every season.
Being single, more often than not is a misunderstood blessing and a safety net. Put God first and keep kingdom standards, no matter how long the wait. As a standalone, high quality woman, you should eventually stand out to the right man for you.
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6: 9.
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” Philippians 4: 6.