Wishing Him Dead ... and Now He Is

Have you ever been betrayed by someone close to you? If that person had been your spouse, the impact was probably enormous. You likely experienced a range of emotions, one of which was probably rage. I certainly did.

In my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce, I tell about driving the freeway, pounding the steering wheel, and yelling all the obscenities I could think of, frustrated I didn't know more! I confess there were moments I wished him dead, suggesting the Lord “roast him and toast him.” "Time wounds all heals," I often quipped.

Time has passed and, thanks be to God, I've been able to move  on in big and little ways. The other day I received a call from my son. “Dad died today,” he said. I heard resignation in his voice.

I was not surprised, knowing my ex had been ailing for a while. Throughout our twenty-five year marriage, I’d encouraged him to take care of himself but he’d refused. I felt sad for our son who had inherited his father’s high intellect and sense of humor. They'd been close in the early years but had been distant in the many years since. Any opportunity to change that is now gone forever. And, since our son is an only child, is single, and has no children, his dad's passing means he is left with significantly fewer family connections.

As for me, I’d forgiven my ex of his emotional abuse and betrayal long-ago. I feel sad he was never able to overcome the abuse he received as a child. But, I’m also happy for him. I believe he’s finally at peace in his Father’s arms, feeling the unconditional love he longed for and never found here on earth.

​Blessings,