10 Habits Of Couples Who Make Marriage Look Effortless - Olubunmi Mabel
Marriage can be called many things, but effortless is not one of them.
Scratch that.
Staying happily married can be called many things, but effortless is not one of them.
When I was in uni, one of my professors once said, “Marriage is like a walk in the park… except the park is Jurassic Park.“
He was joking, but I didn’t find it funny and didn’t agree with him because I thought he was painting marriage in a bad light.
But brethren, having been married a few years myself, I now see what he was saying to a large extent.
I still love marriage, and I enjoy being married.
However, I can tell you for free that it is not an easy journey.
This is why I stop to observe whenever I see couples who make it look easy.
I know that they’ve hacked this thing called marriage, and my husband and I love learning from such people to make our own marriage better.
Having observed such marriages for years, I realize that although they make it look so effortless, a lot of effort is actually being made.
When you see a couple like that, it’s easy to assume that they’ve found some magical formula or that they’re just lucky.
But spoiler alert: it’s not luck.
It’s intentional habits, little things they do every day, that keep their relationship strong, fun, and, yes, seemingly effortless.
And I bring you the secret today, condensed into this article.
Did I hear you thank me?
Oh, you’re welcome!
1. They forgive
Before you think you know what I’m talking about, read through.
Offenses are a part of daily life; they occur more often than you expect.
That is why the ability to forgive is one of the key ingredients in marriage.
Effortless partners know that holding onto grudges is exhausting, so they don’t do it.
If one person offends the other, say, they forget their anniversary, forget to take out the trash, or say something hurtful and apologize, they try not to dwell on it; they just forgive and move on, sometimes even without the apology.
I’m not saying they can’t be hurt; they do get hurt because, in marriage, your partner will annoy you like hell.
But instead of letting it ruin the relationship or dwelling on the mistake, which is a waste of energy, they let go and move forward.
I learned this one from my parents, too.
My dad never took offenses to heart.
He’d humorously say, “If you keep being mad at your partner for the same offense, when will you give them a chance to annoy you again? Forgive on time so that you can move on to the next annoying thing because it never ends.”
Couples like this have mastered the art of laughing things off and getting over it early.
I had to actively learn this because I used to have a problem letting go of offenses.
I’d hold on to them and keep bringing them up at every opportunity.
It turns out that doesn’t help anybody’s marriage.
It only ruins it.
Forgiveness is more about protecting the marriage than winning an argument.
2. They’re determined to enjoy their lives
Couples with a seamless marriage have a mutual mindset: “Life is meant to be lived.”
They both believe in enjoying life and having a good time, and they do it together.
They have fun, laugh, and enjoy the good things of life together.
They say couples who laugh together stay together.
You’re unlikely to see them panicking about stuff all the time; they’d rather handle what they can, leave the rest, and laugh about it.
These couples find joy in the silly, everyday moments; they’ve learned not to take life or themselves too seriously.
3. They do a lot of talking
Couples who seem to have it all figured out in terms of marriage are that way because they have a lot of discussions behind the scenes.
These people don’t just talk; they truly communicate like pros.
They listen to each other with intent, speak with kindness, and don’t bottle things up.
If you’re like the former me who would rather keep things to herself and keep an attitude, then you’re not ready to have this kind of marriage.
These people talk about any and everything; they’re literal besties.
After a long day of work, when they’re both tired and even irritable, instead of snapping at each other, they’d rather sit down with a cup of tea and unpack their day together.
If there’s ever an issue in their marriage, either of them can bring it up without the other getting defensive.
This habit makes them address issues before they fester into resentment, and it contributes to making their marriage easier.
From talking about serious things like money to little things like what to eat for dinner, they keep the lines of communication open.
Even when they fight, they focus on the issue, not attacking each other.
4. They sacrifice
You see them and think they have it all together because they have each others’ back.
These couples make compromises and do a lot of meeting each other halfway, all to the end that their marriage flourishes.
Couples who see everything as a competition and are never willing to lay down their desires or choices for each other can’t attain this level of unity.
When you see a couple that seem to effortlessly be making things work, they do a lot of putting each other first.
The nature of this kind of sacrificial living is that it makes them value each other more and desire to sacrifice for each other even more.
It’s like one party sees the sacrifices the other makes and is motivated to do even more for them.
What should be difficult becomes effortless, and it just flows.
5. They create time for their marriage
Effortless couples make time for each other, no matter how busy life gets.
They don’t joke with their “We Time.”
It’s how they connect, bond, and love up on each other so much that their union seems so perfectly blended.
They know that relationships need nurturing, just like a garden.
So even when life gets super busy, they find a way to create time for each other.
My friends Musa and Halima are a perfect example.
With three kids, demanding jobs, and a hyperactive dog, their lives are chaotic.
Yet, every Friday night, they have a standing date.
Sometimes, it’s dinner at a fancy restaurant; other times, it’s Netflix and takeout.
The key is to protect their “us” time fiercely.
6. They’re each other’s biggest fans
Couples who make marriage look easy are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
They celebrate wins, no matter how small, and offer support to each other during setbacks.
They’re not one of those marriages where the wife sets out to start a business or something tangible, and the husband just says, “Good luck.”
Nope.
In this case, the husband helps her brainstorm ideas, attends her events, and even volunteers to be her staff whenever it’s needed.
When her business faces challenges, he reminds her why she started, and this gesture flows both ways.
These couples don’t compete or belittle each other’s goals.
That’s toxic, and it’s not their vibe.
Instead, they create a safe space where both of them can grow and be better.
They know that when one of them wins, the team wins.
7. They’re teammates
For them, it’s “Divide and Conquer.”
Effortless couples know that marriage is a partnership, and they split responsibilities fairly.
You’re not likely to find them arguing about who should do what because these things flow naturally in their marriage.
They tackle responsibilities based on their strengths and don’t pay attention to gender role wars.
They’re a team, and in a team, you’re not keeping scores because you’re not competing against each other.
Instead of arguing over who does more, they focus on sharing the load once they figure out what works for them.
This simple habit seems insignificant, but its absence causes stress and chaos in many marriages.
8. They don’t stop dating each other
Many couples seem to think that once they get married, they have to morph into this very serious set of individuals who only think about bills, work, and responsibilities.
They stop all the cute stuff that goes on during dating and face marriage like it’s war.
While I understand that marriage is a whole new ballgame and seasons have changed, it doesn’t mean that dating should stop.
Couples who make marriage look effortless don’t stop being curious about each other.
Even after years together, they still act like they’re just getting to know each other.
They ask questions, share their desires, and keep discovering new things about their partner.
This keeps their relationship fresh and exciting.
In life, people change over time, even your partner that you think you know, so staying curious helps keep the marriage fun.
9. They express gratitude often
Couples who make marriage look easy never take each other for granted.
They show appreciation for the little things, day in and day out.
This is how they’re able to seem so easygoing and natural.
A lifestyle of gratitude has a way of making a person’s life look perfect even when it’s not.
These couples appreciate each other for the little and big things; they also show gratitude to God for their marriage.
They see their marriage as a gift and treat it as such.
Gratitude creates a positive atmosphere in their marriage and reminds them of why they fell in love in the first place.
This helps them focus on the good, even during hard times.
That is why even when things are hard, they still seem to be doing good.
It’s the spirit of gratitude.
10. They choose to love and respect each other daily
Contrary to what novels and movies have taught us for years now, love is a choice.
You have the power to choose who to love.
When you see couples who have been married for years, decades even, yet still love each other like high school teenagers, you may wonder how.
It’s because they choose to.
Notwithstanding their feelings for each other or the lack of it, on some days, they make the conscious decision to love and respect each other.
Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows; it’s hard on some days, but effortless couples make a conscious decision to choose love.
Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
And so is respect.
They hold each other in high regard and choose to respect their individuality within the marriage.
Yes, they’re now One, but they’re still individuals who have personal needs.
They allow each other space when it’s needed, which helps them maintain their identities and bring fresh energy into the relationship.
A healthy marriage is built on two whole individuals, not one person losing themselves in the other.
With these few points, I believe I have convinced you that if the marriage looks effortless, the people involved are putting in effort behind the scenes.
They’re not chasing perfection; they’re just pouring into their marriage and watering it right.
So, if you’ve ever wanted to crack the code and turn your relationship or marriage into one of those “effortless” marriages everyone admires, you’ve been handed the secrets.
It’s not rocket science, practice these habits, and you’re good to go!
