10 Reasons A Married Man Likes You But Talks About His Wife - Olubunmi Mabel
Love can be a very complex and simple emotion to understand at the same time.
That is why, when Rihanna said we found love in a hopeless place, I didn’t think she was out of place.
As much as I like to admit that some things do not follow the rules, like love, I also believe that some lines are not to be crossed.
No matter how much we claim that there is no one-size-fits-all to love and loving, there are limits that should not be crossed.
In this blog post, I’ll touch briefly on one of the most crossed limits in love and relationships: being in love with a married man.
This is basically not about being in love with a married man but more of the “pre-love” stage.
I share the sentiments that you can be attracted to anyone and vice versa but that doesn’t mean you should always act on it.
Imagine if you had to act on your impulse every time.
It would be a disaster and maybe a blessing in some instances.
But in this case, you cannot want to share someone’s husband and complain that his wife is the center of your conversation.
In all of your quest and thirst for love and companionship, know that when you are with a married man, and he brings up his wife at every given opportunity, there is a reason behind it.
I can’t say they are positive or negative, but I’m sure they’d help you navigate and define your relationship with the man.
1. He is being friendly
Every relationship that exists finds its root in friendship.
And no matter how much you want to defend that your relationship with a married man started on the note of love or attraction, you cannot eradicate the fact that friendship must have come into the picture.
Have you ever asked if you are the one who actually loves this man, even though he likes you on a platonic level?
This is because a happily married man will definitely bring up conversations about his wife with his friend.
The man likes you, and he’s sharing a part of his life, which is his wife, with you because he probably wants your insights.
At this point, the man’s fondness for you has translated into one where he trusts you with his personal life details.
Believe me, only a man who trusts you will discuss his wife with you.
It is up to you to respect whatever he shares with you or weaponize it to your advantage.
2. He notices mutual interests
As I said above, friendship is the genesis of most relationships.
When a married man says that you share similar interests with his wife and he is comfortable with your friendship, he is likely to mention his wife in this situation.
It is not a game of comparing who is superior or inferior.
It is just a thing of finding someone who enjoys what his wife also enjoys doing.
This is a very natural occurrence.
He then touches on mutual aspects of your lives and relationships.
Basically, you are not in a competition with her, and neither is he creating one for you, except you choose to make it one.
In my opinion, this kind of conversation can even create depth in your relationship.
On the other hand, he might just be trying to project his wife on you so as to help him nurture the friendship you have.
3. He is seeking advice
You will be surprised at how clueless men can be when it comes to understanding women.
It doesn’t matter if they have been married for long, but when a man perceives that you possess a high level of understanding of a certain problem he is facing in his home, he might bring it up with you.
At this point, you are more of his guiding light.
Sometimes, it might be to gain perspective on how the female mind works so that he can better understand his wife.
This is just him exploring potential solutions or venting his frustration in a safe space.
4. He is unhappy in his marriage
Contrary to the popular belief that men do not express or feel emotions, they do.
They feel emotions so deeply that you’ll be surprised at how much they are affected by what their spouse can do.
At this point, they tend to express their own happiness and grievance to someone they trust.
Sometimes, it might not be based on the fact that you are trusted.
It might be because he wants to ‘thrust you.’
From empathy, he knows that he will probably gain access to explore either the root cause of his unhappiness with his wife or his desires with you.
Most men have validated their infidelity based on the fact that they are unhappy in their marriages.
5. He is seeking validation
There is a thing about validation and appreciation, and I really cannot explain it fully.
I know that validation from the right person can mean everything to the one who wants to hear it.
Imagine a man who goes over and beyond for his family, especially his wife, without any appreciation from her.
He is likely to go where he is appreciated and validated.
It is just like having daddy issues where your father does not show you any form of love or appreciation.
You’ll most likely tilt towards your mother or your partner, who shows you all the love you want.
It is almost the same in this scenario.
A married man who discusses his wife with you probably likes you because you validate every little thing he does for you.
You show him how much you value his friendship, and somehow, he keeps going on and on about how disregarded he is in his home by his wife.
The reassurance you keep giving him makes him keep talking about his wife with you in that light.
Also, the fact that you make him understand that his feelings are valid will also make him open up to you about his wife.
6. He wants some attention
Some men are born attention seekers, and this may be an underlying emotional need that is not fully met within their marriages.
Help me understand why a married man will see attention from another woman outside his marriage just because he’s not getting enough from his wife.
Don’t be surprised.
His wife may be doing her bit, but it might not be enough for him because he is so needy.
So, it is a case of summing up all the attention he is getting from different quarters to fill his attention tank.
If you ask me, that is sick.
On the other hand, he may have an unmet emotional need that he is seeking an emotional connection or outlet to express.
This is why knowing your emotional compatibility with anyone is essential before you get entangled with them.
His desire for companionship has made him like you, so he often discusses his wife with you.
7. He is insecure
Most men deal with insecurity in their marriages more than they ever admit.
This is why a man seeks validation from strangers in the marriage and anyone else who cares to give him attention.
This insecurity at this point could be a lack of confidence or doubt within the marriage.
When his confidence is already chipped and his doubt has risen so high, he will look for someone who will feed his insecurities.
At that point, he brings up conversations about his wife, and whoever cares to listen and is sensitive to how he presents his case will see through him.
This is just him trying to gauge his feelings and, in a way, validate his emotions to alleviate his insecurities.
He could say things like, “My wife doesn’t appreciate me” or “She never supports me in my endeavors,” making it seem like his wife is the cause of all his woes.
He just wants someone to assure him that he is worthy and important.
8. Lack of Boundaries
Some people assume their place in people’s lives, and as such, they believe that they have no boundaries regarding what they can discuss or not discuss with them.
This can be the same case with this married man.
Because of your friendship, he believes he can discuss anything and everything with you, so he does not hesitate to discuss topics and conversations about his wife.
This is simply because there are no boundaries, or he is finding it difficult to adhere to the boundaries you set.
His lack of boundaries maybe because he has always been like that with people and doesn’t see it as a big deal.
9. Misinterpretation
Sometimes, what seems like romantic interest or inappropriate behavior could actually stem from a genuine misunderstanding.
This misrepresentation can be a result of the familiarity that already exists between you two.
It is established that the man likes you, and he might think you are giving him the green light to have a romantic affair with him.
If he happens to be a man who says there is no issue with having an affair, he wouldn’t mind bringing the topic of his wife up with you.
He might do this out of impulse or his feelings.
It is a way for you to build a fondness for him.
Another thing that causes misinterpretation is simply misreading signals.
You might just be treating him the way you’d generally treat anyone you respect, and he might think you’re in love with him.
It’s better you clear things up if you have no ulterior motives.
10. Emotional Connection
Humans naturally seek emotional connections with others, and these connections can sometimes go beyond the boundaries of traditional relationships.
When a married man begins to share personal details about his life, including their marriage, he might be starting out an emotional affair with you instead of a romantic interest, as you might have imagined.
This connection is often deeper and more meaningful than physical attraction, as it involves a level of understanding and empathy that can be lacking in a marriage.
If the man has been able to establish this kind of emotional connection with you, conversations about his wife will definitely come up.
