11 Signs Your Husband Has A Secret Life - Olubunmi Mabel
I had an uncle who was a chronic womanizer and drunk.
He was married with two lovely daughters and had a beautiful family, but unfortunately, his drinking didn’t make him last long.
He died at the age of 45 in a car crash.
What happened at his funeral is one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen.
A woman walked in with two boys (twins) just a little younger than my uncle’s girls, and she announced that the boys were my uncle’s sons, he had married her in another city.
The mourning quickly turned to shock, confusion, hurt, and pain.
We all had so much to say, but one thing we couldn’t say was that the woman was lying because those boys were the exact image of my uncle – his literal clones.
To date, his wife still talks about how shocked she is that her husband had another family outside, and she did not have the slightest clue.
Now, such scenarios don’t play out every day, nor is it a usual occurrence, but they do happen often.
It may not be to the same degree or intensity or the same nature of the secret, but many women have somehow been confronted with the horrifying news of their husbands having a secret life that they do not know about.
Perhaps something in your marriage has given you reasons to suspect that your husband is hiding something major, like a secret life, from you.
Do you smell a rat, or is it fish?
You don’t know, but you need to find out.
The only way you can know with a hundred percent certainty is when you get physical, tangible, undeniable proof.
However, pending when you get those, these signs can help you know if there’s really something to dig out or you’re just being paranoid.
1. You suspect that he does
This is all that’s needed sometimes TBH!
The mere fact that you suspect that your husband may be hiding something major from you is sometimes all the sign you need that, indeed, he is.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a few things in how he acts or speaks.
Or maybe it’s something about the circumstances surrounding your marriage that makes you believe so.
Perhaps it’s just your intuition telling you strongly that this man has got a secret life.
More often than not, if you think it’s happening, it most likely is.
There’s no smoke without fire; your suspicions are not baseless; something is up.
But you don’t want to rely on your suspicions alone, so let’s examine more signs that strongly indicate this is indeed the case.
2. You don’t have any access to his devices
I’ve stopped engaging in the debate about whether couples should have each other’s mobile phone passwords.
However, one thing is a fact: if you don’t have your husband’s password and he’s intentionally keeping it away from you, he’s hiding something.
The crazy thing is that what he’s hiding can be anything.
It can be as harmless as a surprise birthday party he’s planning for you or as major as him having another life in another city that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he is overly protective of his phone, computer, or other devices, frequently changing passwords and not allowing you to see his screen, he may have a secret life.
3. He travels often and for extended periods
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if your marriage is characterized by frequent unexplained absences by your husband, there’s a secret.
A story once broke out on social media about a woman who discovered that her husband had been building houses and amassing properties in another country, but she wasn’t aware of it.
They lived paycheck to paycheck, and she genuinely thought they were broke.
However, she discovered that her husband was a baller who had accumulated wealth in another nation.
When asked if he did anything to make her suspect, she said the only thing she noticed was that he frequently went out without explaining where he’d been or giving vague, inconsistent answers about his whereabouts.
He would often disappear for extended periods without a reasonable explanation, making it difficult for her to know his whereabouts.
When asked, he’d claim he had to travel for work to help them make more money.
Alas, he wasn’t lying, but he was somehow still far from the truth.
4. He’s a cheat
When a man is a chronic philanderer, nothing is impossible with him.
A man who feels comfortable cheating on his wife won’t feel guilty keeping other secrets from her.
If your husband has the habit of stepping out of your marriage with other women, if he gives you other reasons to suspect that he’s hiding more, he most likely is.
5. You don’t know where his money goes
This is like a gold standard test for most men who have secret lives.
Unless your husband is a billionaire who can easily fund different lives without it affecting his finances much.
If he’s not rich-rich, then one sign that he has a secret life may be his spending habits.
There may be unexplained or hidden expenses on his bank statements, credit cards, or financial records that he cannot for the life of him account for.
He may be earning a decent amount, but you just can’t figure out where it’s all going.
It’s probably because where it’s going is a place he doesn’t want you to know about.
6. He’s very secretive
He’s not only hiding his bank statements and phone passwords, he’s hiding more.
He makes and receives mysterious calls or messages or makes calls at odd hours.
He’s also secretive about who is contacting him, often stepping away to take calls in private.
If your husband keeps receiving calls or messages from unknown contacts and is secretive about them, this can strongly suggest that he’s communicating with people he doesn’t want you to know about.
7. He acts weird
Although some people have become masters at pretense and can run double lives comfortably without one affecting the other, the truth is that if you’re observant enough, something about their behavior will give it away.
Depending on the kind of person your husband is, you may be able to tell from his routine, interests, and even appearance sometimes.
If the secret is a new one, it could reflect changes in your husband’s behavior.
There may be sudden changes in his daily routine or schedule without a reasonable explanation.
This might be due to new activities he doesn’t want to disclose.
He might also have developed new interests or hobbies out of the blues that he doesn’t share with you or explain.
Or he might start paying more attention to his appearance, buying new clothes, and improving his grooming habits.
Some act in other weird ways such as creating multiple or hidden social media accounts that they keep from their wives or behave differently on social media compared to real life.
You have to be smart and observant to pick these changes sometimes.
8. He lies a lot
Don’t we all sometimes wish everyone around us was Pinnochio or had a lie detector attached to them?
Especially when it’s our significant other.
This is because lying, when it becomes habitual can be dangerous in any relationship or marriage.
It is not normal for people to lie to their partners more so when it’s frequent.
It’s usually indicative of an underlying issue.
And no matter how smooth of a liar a man is, if you listen long enough, you’ll be able to pick out the discrepancies.
Something is wrong if your husband keeps giving inconsistent or conflicting explanations for his activities.
Perhaps he always uses work or other things as an excuse for traveling a lot, staying up late, or spending the weekend away.
These signs can indicate he’s not being truthful about his actions.
You can’t have a secret life without lying.
9. He is not present
And I don’t mean this physically alone.
I mean emotionally and mentally.
If your husband always seems distant and acts disconnected from you when you’re together, something else is taking his attention.
Perhaps he no longer acts interested and enthusiastic about intimacy and quality time with you.
He acts like his attention is diverted elsewhere, showing less interest in spending time together or engaging in meaningful conversations.
10. Unexplained possessions
Finding random new items, such as gifts, clothing, or personal effects, that don’t belong to you or your household is another sign that your husband might have a secret life.
It’s usually a sign that something is going on that you’re not aware of.
These items or belongings that are not accounted for or seem out of place should make you raise an eyebrow.
It’s worse if he cannot or will not explain, or becomes unusually defensive or hostile when asked simple questions about it.
If he overreacts to questions about his day or activities or demands more privacy, he might be hiding something.
11. Avoiding future plans and accountability
This is usually a classic and many times, dangerous sign that a man has huge secrets.
If he’s refusing to make long-term plans with you as his wife, that’s an issue.
Marriage is literally for life, so making future plans should be a usual part of a couple’s life.
If your husband is unwilling to make plans with you, he may have another life.
This might be because he’s uncertain about his future with you.
He might also be unaccountable, distancing himself from mutual friends and family, possibly to prevent them from discovering his shadiness.
Usually, it’s not so difficult to tell when a man has a secret life.
Granted that some men are great at lying and pretending, but you can pick out a green snake under green grass if you’re subtle enough.
You mustn’t conclude based only on these signs, even though they’re strong indicators.
They may be pointing to something else going on in your husband’s life.
So, it is important to patiently observe the situation and communicate with your husband first before taking further steps.
