5 Reasons Some Women Are Happier After Divorce - Olubunmi Mabel
No one walks into marriage thinking, “I can’t wait to get divorced someday.”
Absolutely no one.
Divorce sometimes is like a storm you never saw coming.
Even though divorce is tough and painful, some women are happier after their divorce than they were in the marriage.
While society might paint divorced women as sad or bitter, that’s far from the full picture.
In fact, many women thrive after divorce, and here’s why:
5 Reasons Some Women Are Happier After Divorce
1. They Rediscover Themselves
Even in the most beautiful marriage, it’s easy to lose yourself.
I wrote about it in this article.
Now imagine an unhealthy or toxic marriage where you’re constantly sacrificing your needs and happiness for the sake of your spouse or children that you forget what made you happy.
After a divorce, it’s like looking in the mirror and asking, “Who am I, really?”
Some women rediscover passions they had left behind, such as painting, writing, acting, singing, pottery, drawing, traveling, or dancing.
Others try completely new things, like taking a solo trip, starting a business, learning a new skill, taking fitness classes, going back to school…
You know what a bad marriage does to you?
You’d be so focused on fixing the relationship that you forget to focus on yourself.
You’d be too drained to even think about pursuing your passions or discovering new ones.
But after a divorce, you have the opportunity to choose yourself and your own happiness.
You no longer have to put someone else’s needs above your own.
You can finally give yourself the attention and love that you deserve.
And this often leads to picking up old hobbies or trying new ones.
Maybe you used to love painting but gave it up because your partner didn’t appreciate it.
Now, you can pick up a paintbrush again and create beautiful pieces without any judgment or criticism.
Or maybe you’ve always wanted to start your own business but never had the time or support in your marriage.
After a divorce, you have the freedom and motivation to pursue your entrepreneurial dreams.
No, you are not necessarily forgetting the past or pretending it didn’t matter.
You are only realizing that you’re so much more than your marriage.
You’re a whole person with dreams, desires, passions, giftings, and endless potential.
So, while divorce is painful, it can be the key that unlocks the door to rediscovering that woman again.
2. Freedom to Make Their Own Decisions
Remember the freedom that comes with being single?
Oh, many of us married people miss it!
I usually tell my husband that the reason I’m not a digital nomad is because I’m married.
I have a family that needs me.
I have kids that rely on me.
I’m grateful for my family because they give me stability.
Being single might be hard, but it also comes with the freedom to make choices and decisions without considering another person’s needs or wants.
In fact, some people don’t want to get married because they fear losing that autonomy.
And honestly, they’re not wrong.
Because even in a great marriage with a loving and supportive partner, your decisions are never entirely yours.
There’s always a conversation, a compromise, or a consideration of someone else’s feelings.
But after a divorce, that sense of freedom comes rushing back, especially if you had a controlling partner.
Suddenly, you don’t have to check with anyone before making plans.
You’re in the driver’s seat, and there’s no one in the passenger seat asking, “Are you sure you want to take that route?”
It’s not just the big decisions either.
Even the smallest choices feel empowering.
Want to have cereal for dinner three nights in a row?
Go for it, darl.
Feel like binge-watching your favorite rom-coms without anyone groaning about “another chick flick”?
Grab the popcorn.
Life suddenly becomes about what you want.
Of course, there’s an adjustment period.
After years of having a partner to check in with, making decisions without consulting anyone else might be strange.
But as you settle into your newfound independence, you’ll start to realize the beauty of being a single woman.
You have complete control over your time, desires, space, and choices.
No more compromising or sacrificing for someone else’s happiness, and this makes some women happier post-divorce.
3. They Stop Walking on Eggshells
If you know any woman in a terrible marriage, you’ve probably noticed the constant tension in her shoulders…
The way she measures every word before she speaks…
The carefulness in how she moves as if one wrong step might set off an explosion.
That’s exactly what walking on eggshells in your own home is like.
Mere writing it sounds suffocating and depressing, and that’s because it is.
When you’re in a toxic marriage, you’re constantly second-guessing yourself.
Should I say this?
Will this make him angry?
Will this lead to another fight?
Even silence feels risky because you’re not sure how it’ll be interpreted.
It’s a never-ending loop of trying to keep the peace while slowly losing your voice.
And after divorce?
You realize just how much you’ve been holding back.
You start to feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders as you finally have the freedom to speak and act without fear of repercussions.
You can finally let your guard down.
You’re no longer waiting for the next criticism or outburst.
Even though the realization hits that you wasted so many years trying to please someone who was never satisfied.
Years that could have been spent growing and thriving.
Years that can never be regained.
Yet, despite the pain and regret, you can’t help but feel a sense of relief.
Relief that you no longer have to walk on eggshells.
Relief that you can finally be yourself without judgment.
Relief that you can focus on your own happiness and well-being.
It’s a bittersweet feeling, really.
4. A Fresh Start
Starting afresh is never easy.
In fact, some women are stuck in a terrible marriage because they are afraid to start over.
But being divorced is a fresh start for some women.
It’s a chance to rebuild your life on your own terms.
To discover who you truly are and what you want for yourself.
To pursue your passions and dreams without anyone holding you back.
Will it be scary at first?
Yes.
But you now have the power to create the life you deserve,
A fresh start doesn’t mean everything will magically fall into place, but it does mean you get a blank page.
And guess what?
You’re the author of this next chapter.
It’s your chance to build a life that feels like you.
5. Quality Time with Kids
One surprising silver lining of divorce is that it creates more intentional, meaningful time with your kids.
I know it sounds strange initially; after all, nobody enters a marriage or family thinking, “I can’t wait to parent in separate houses.”
But when you’re no longer in an unhappy marriage, you often get to focus on your role as a parent in ways that were harder before.
In a strained marriage, the constant tension, arguments, and emotional exhaustion affect how you interact with your kids.
You’re so caught up in managing the relationship or keeping the household together that sometimes you feel like you’re running on fumes.
Your energy is spread so thin that you feel useless to your children.
After a divorce though, you get the chance to fully dedicate the time you have with your kids to just them without the emotional baggage of a troubled marriage weighing you down.
Because when you’re sharing custody, the time you spend with your kids is more focused.
You’re not distracted by constant arguments or simmering resentment with your spouse.
Instead, you’re present.
You have the energy to really listen to their stories, play their favorite games, and be there for them emotionally.
And because you’re in a healthier space mentally, you’re also modeling better behavior, teaching them how to set boundaries and prioritize happiness.
The time apart during custody exchanges makes the moments even more special.
You’re more intentional about planning activities or creating memories because you’ve learned to value every second because these moments are less about routine and more about connection.
The best part about this is that your kids notice when their mom is happier and more at peace.
That happiness creates a ripple effect in your relationship with them.
When you’re no longer stressed or walking on eggshells, they feel it too.
Your home becomes a space of love, peace, comfort, and joy, and that strengthens your bond with them.
No doubt, divorce is painful, but not as painful as staying in a toxic marriage.
And it’s why some men are happier post-divorce.
