7 Signs You Are A Difficult Wife - Olubunmi Mabel
A female friend was telling me about her parents’ marriage.
I was shocked when she described some of her mom’s antics in the house.
I felt like her mom wasn’t doing well, but I didn’t tell her this because she sounded like she supported everything her mom did.
Well, before those conversations, I used to be so in love with her.
But it brought me back to my senses.
If she didn’t see anything wrong in nagging, unnecessary pettiness, and maximum distrust for her partner, it was a sign to me that she would be a difficult partner.
I remembered this quote by Socrates…
I decided I didn’t want to be a philosopher, so I ran for my life.
Today, I will require that you be critically honest with yourself as we go on this journey together.
Marriage usually has its highs and lows.
However, sometimes your marriage experiences more highs than lows because you may unknowingly contribute to the challenges.
In this article, you will be called upon to honestly review yourself as we explore the signs that you might be a difficult wife.
I will also include tips to deal with these behaviors and help you have a healthier relationship.
Most importantly, while this topic may be directed at wives, many of the points will address both genders.
So, regardless of your gender, please pay attention.
1. You are always critical
I firmly believe that every relationship, no matter how successful it already is, has room for improvement.
Honest and constructive criticism is what motivates couples to improve their relationship.
However, being critical all the time is no longer constructive.
A major sign of being a difficult wife is that you are always pointing out your partner’s flaws without ever appreciating him for the positive things he has done.
You nitpick, and it seems your partner can do nothing to satisfy you.
If he stays home during the weekend, you might complain that he spends too much time watching sports on TV.
If he goes out, you would still complain of abandonment.
Really, in marriage, you are meant to be your husband’s support system.
But if you are so critical that he can no longer confide in you because he fears judgment, how do you intend to fulfill this role in his life?
Like I said already, this article is a call to introspect honestly.
Ask yourself if you bring peace to your husband or if you are just another stress he has to cope with.
If, after this exercise, you have concluded that you nag and criticize a lot, here’s a solution for you…
In relationships, feedback is always necessary.
However, we must ensure that our feedback is constructive and not destructive.
If you have been too critical of your partner in the past, one of the things you can do is practice positive reinforcement.
Appreciate your husband for everything he does well, and gently point out the areas that may require improvement.
Practice this daily, and you will soon find that your husband no longer considers you a difficult wife.
2. You don’t communicate well
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship.
How are we expected to feel connected to our partners if we don’t communicate well?
If you realize you have a penchant for shutting down conversations or avoiding difficult topics, you may be a difficult wife.
The only way for a relationship to progress is when partners communicate effectively about everything, especially difficult topics.
If you don’t deal with the thorny issues, they could be the end of your relationship.
If you are the type of wife who avoids discussing difficult issues because you don’t want them to affect the relationship, you are a difficult wife.
I know you may be surprised because you wonder how “keeping the peace” qualifies you to be a difficult wife.
Well, difficult issues are meant to be dealt with sooner rather than later.
And it could be very frustrating when you don’t show the predisposition to talk about things even when your husband wants to.
The worst part is that refusing to discuss difficult topics or not communicating well, in general, can cause a lot of misunderstanding and resentment in the relationship.
If you are in this category, you need to practice active listening more.
Don’t just listen to respond; listen to understand.
Also, practice expressing your feelings openly.
Your husband should be your safe space and vice versa, so start sharing your thoughts and listening to him.
3. You always want to have your way
If I am asked to describe a difficult wife in one word, I will use the word “stubborn” to describe her perfectly.
Yeah, I know how people must have told you that you don’t have to compromise on your values to achieve what you want.
I agree that values are important and shouldn’t be compromised.
Values like honesty, diligence, and kindness are important in life.
However, compromise in marriage doesn’t necessarily require that you compromise your values.
It means you must realize that marriage is about “give” and “take.”
You can’t always take without giving.
It’s not possible.
You can’t always insist on having things your way in relationships.
Your way of doing things is not the only right way to do something; sometimes, it may not even be the right way.
But a difficult wife would insist on doing things her way, anyway.
If you never attempt to meet your husband halfway while trying to make major decisions, it is a sign that you are a difficult wife.
Your refusal to compromise on certain things may be putting a strain on the relationship.
If you are ready to work on yourself and change, you need to identify areas where you need to be more flexible.
Then, you need to work on your mindset.
Compromise is not losing.
It is not the coward’s way out.
Instead, it is an attempt to find a solution that works for both of you.
4. You are self-centered
There is no place for selfishness in a marriage.
If you are married and want the marriage to be successful, then selfishness must go.
This doesn’t mean you won’t still consider your well-being.
Of course, you will.
It just means that you have others to consider.
If you are the type of wife who only considers her needs and desires, you may be classified as a difficult wife.
The only thing you are concerned about is your satisfaction.
You don’t even care if your satisfaction may not benefit your husband.
If your needs and desires always take precedence over those of your husband, it can lead to an imbalance.
Recall that I mentioned a lady friend in my introduction.
Well, one of the things her mom usually did in the marriage was satisfy her needs at the expense of her husband’s.
She didn’t care what he had to do to satisfy her needs.
She only cared about being satisfied.
Her daughter also believed that it was the husband’s duty to satisfy his wife’s needs, and while I agreed with this, she also said that the wife doesn’t have a similar responsibility to the husband.
Such selfishness shouldn’t find a place in any marriage.
A successful marriage is built on mutual consideration.
If you are a difficult wife, you need to learn empathy.
Put yourself in your husband’s shoes.
Then, learn how to make decisions that benefit both of you.
5. You have a long list of every mistake he has made
Some people have very long memories.
And it is a problem when all they have is long memories of negative things.
They don’t remember the positive things.
You are a difficult wife if you keep a long list of all your husband’s mistakes.
It’s almost like you have a diary in your brain where you file away any mistakes he has made to be brought out whenever you quarrel with him.
Growing up, my dad used to be like this.
He would argue with my mother, and rather than hash out the present conflict, he would go into the archives to resurrect other issues.
This shows you that this is not just for wives.
It is for everyone in relationships.
Holding onto past grievances and bringing them up during conflicts can prevent healing and growth.
You must learn to forgive your partners when they wrong you.
You need to learn to let go of past hurts and resolve conflicts constructively.
6. You weaponize sexual intimacy
Some wives have this terrible behavior.
They have weaponized sexual intimacy and now use it as a weapon to keep their husbands in line.
While women, of course, have the prerogative to decide what they do with their bodies, consistently denying your husband sexual intimacy is not advisable.
If this continues for some time, it can create emotional distance between partners.
There is also the fact that when men are sexually dissatisfied in their marriage, they may end up cheating.
What do you do instead of denying your husband sexual intimacy because you are upset with him?
Well, a suitable alternative will be to tell him you are angry at him.
Tell him why.
Sometimes, wives keep quiet when their husbands offend them and expect them to apologize, but the actual truth is that the men don’t even know their wives are angry at them.
Sexual intimacy should never be weaponized.
7. You are controlling
Most of the time, people link the controlling nature to men.
However, it is something that both genders share.
Women can also be controlling.
A sign that you are a difficult wife is that you always want to be in charge.
You want to be able to dictate what your husband does or doesn’t do.
Really, it’s not a nice attribute to have.
Apart from the fact that it makes your husband feel caged and restricted, it also makes him tired of the marriage.
Stop trying to stifle your husband’s independence and personality.
Instead, you should try showing him some trust.
If you don’t trust your husband, you shouldn’t be married to him in the first place.
Trust your husband to make his own decisions sometimes.
You can share your opinions and suggestions, but trying to dictate to him all the time does neither of you any good.
To be honest, there are times when we are all difficult partners.
No one is perfect.
However, we should all strive to be better every day.
If the signs have you pinpointed as a difficult wife, don’t fret.
Apply the tips shared consistently, and your transformation will soon wow your husband.
Dear men, if you are reading this post and you know you are a difficult husband, the tips apply to you.
With enough determination to be a better spouse and patience from your partner, I believe you are well on your way to enjoying a successful marriage.
