8 Things Your Husband Wishes You’d Notice About Him - Olubunmi Mabel
“Men are simple creatures,” my friend Funmi said, waving her spoon dramatically during one of our lunch dates.
“Feed them, love them, and they’re fine.”
But as I watched her husband’s face subtly light up when she complimented his new tie, I thought, Are they really that simple?
Truth is, while men might not always voice their feelings, there are tons of little things they secretly hope you’d notice about them.
They may not always say, “Hey, I need you to see me,” but deep down, they crave recognition too.
And that’s only normal, c’mon!
They’re human beings with feelings, desires, and insecurities.
Part of building a wholesome marriage is getting to understand each other better and trying to meet each other’s needs.
So, if you’ve ever wondered how to up your game in marriage and make your husband feel seen, loved, and valued, this post is for you.
Let’s demystify the things that your husband silently hopes you’d notice, and it just might be what makes a world of difference in your marriage!
8 Things Your Husband Wishes You’d Notice About Him
1. His hair cut
I remember one time my husband came in from work, and I noticed that he was looking quite sharp and nice, which was rather unusual because he’d usually look tired and ready for a hot shower and bed.
But if I didn’t say anything about it, I just welcomed him with a peck as usual and breezed past him, focusing on my TV show with the kids.
He didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t happy.
Days later, he opened up to tell me that he had spent a few extra minutes brushing his hair and adjusting his shirt and tie in the car after work before coming into the house because I had commented on previous days how unorganized he usually looked every day he came from work.
So basically, I had noticed when he wasn’t looking well-kept, but the day he put in the effort to look nice, I didn’t notice it.
That kinda made me feel bad honestly, so I apologized to him, explaining that I had noticed but didn’t get to say it for whatever reason.
But it got me thinking: isn’t this the kind of stuff we always say only women do, get upset that he didn’t notice our new nails, hair, or dress?
But here’s my big, strong, tall African husband doing something similar.
Look, men might seem like steel on the outside, but they’re still human beings with feelings.
And sometimes, a simple “Wow, you’re looking sharp today!” can make his whole day.
Sure, he might not spend hours in front of the mirror, but that doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t care about looking good.
He wants you to notice the effort he puts into his appearance.
2. When he does the laundry
Your husband wants you to see the little things he does around the house.
I do not subscribe to the mindset of people who say their husbands “help” around the house.
The word “help” is what I have an issue with.
He’s not “helping;” that’s his house too, so he’s only doing the same thing you do when you do the chores: being a responsible adult.
However, I understand that family dynamics differ, and in some situations, especially in homes where the husband is the only provider, the responsibility of chores and housekeeping may mostly fall on the wife.
In situations like that, when the man takes it upon himself to still do these things, in a way, you can see it as “help.”
So, I understand where some people are coming from when they say a husband helps with the chores.
But I digress.
The main topic now is about noticing and appreciating when that man does those things, and I believe it should even be both ways.
Like anyone else, husbands want to be appreciated for the small tasks they perform to keep things running smoothly at home.
I know some wives whose husbands clean, cook, fix broken stuff around the house, do the laundry, etc, yet never say “Thank you” or “You’ve done so well, I appreciate you.”
3. The sacrifices he makes for you
I’m a firm believer that compromise and sacrifice should be a natural part of relationships, especially marriages.
Both parties should constantly be willing to lay down their desires for their partner, their partner should come first.
It might sound unhealthy, but it only is when it’s a one-way street, when both parties are actively seeking to put each other first, it’s a beautiful thing.
Some men work very hard for their families and go over and beyond to make their wives happy.
They prioritize her happiness and well-being over theirs and will do anything to make her comfortable.
If your husband is one of such men, then know that whether he says it or not, he wants you to see it and appreciate him for what he does.
You’re also human, so put yourself in his shoes.
If you constantly put yourself second so someone else can take first place, and that person never notices you, would it feel great?
4. His good sides
Some women have this magical ability to only see their husbands’ flaws and imperfections.
I think it’s even a human thing; generally, we’re quicker to notice the negatives than the positives.
But I’ll tell you for free that if your husband has some good sides or is trying hard to be a better version of himself, he’ll appreciate it if you see it.
Your husband doesn’t just work hard to provide for the family; he’s also striving to improve himself, and it’s not always easy.
It could be picking up a new skill, staying fit, or managing stress better, but the idea is that he’s making an effort to grow.
He might not always express it, but the man you married wants to know that you notice his effort.
A simple acknowledgment can go a long way.
5. His need for a little space
Like every human being, husbands also go through different highs and lows in life and they handle it in different ways.
He may not talk about it, but sometimes, he might need a little space to process it all, perhaps through working out, going for a drive, or simply zoning out in front of the TV.
It is a good thing to pay attention to your husband and observe how he handles stress so that you know not to add to his stress.
If your man needs a bit of personal space when he’s trying to cope with life’s pressures, understand that it’s not because he loves you any less; he just wants to recharge.
And when he handles stress in a healthy way, commending his efforts to cope can make him feel like you’re in tune with his needs.
6. How much he cares about your happiness
When I started writing this article, I asked my husband, “What are some things husbands wish their wives would notice about them?”
His response was simple: “How much he loves her.”
It completely melted my heart.
He said some women don’t notice just how much their husbands care deeply about them and want to make them happy and it makes them trivialize his love.
It’s easy to think that men just want to “fix” problems, but the truth is that good husbands care deeply about making their wives happy.
He may not say it outright, but when he brings you your favorite snack after a stressful day or surprises you with a date, it’s his way of showing love.
Sometimes, a small thank you or a smile can make him feel like the effort he puts in is truly seen.
7. When he subtly expresses his emotions
It’s no secret that many men struggle to open up about their feelings.
But just because they don’t always express themselves doesn’t mean they don’t feel deeply.
They do!
It could be about the marriage; perhaps he feels in need of reassurance from you or wants to spend more time with you.
It could also be personal, such as him going through some struggle and desiring a listening ear.
Those times when your husband hints at his feelings or finally opens up about something, he wants you to know he trusts you enough to be vulnerable.
Moments like that are rare and precious, and instead of brushing them aside, acknowledge him, and he will feel supported and appreciated.
8. How much he misses you when you’re apart
When you’re not around, your husband misses you more than he lets on.
While he might joke about “enjoying some peace” when you go out with friends, deep down, he craves the comfort of your presence.
I noticed how sober my husband gets sometimes when I have to travel for work.
When we speak on the phone, he just wants to keep talking forever; I have to force him to go back to his day and work.
When I get back home, he’s happier than ever.
Sometimes, acknowledging that your husband misses you even when you’re only gone for a little while can make him feel seen.
If there is one thing you should take out of this article, it is that your husband may not ask for your attention directly, but deep down, he’s hoping you’ll notice certain things.
Taking time to observe and even celebrate these things isn’t about walking on eggshells or stroking his ego.
It is about acknowledging him and showing him that you care.
