9 Reasons Husbands Stop Taking Initiative In The Bedroom - Olubunmi Mabel
When I was a kid, I used to eagerly anticipate growing older and getting married.
This was not because I was so eager for love.
Nah, it wasn’t love I wanted; it was sex.
Topics about sex used to be so forbidden, and I couldn’t but dream about how fulfilled I was going to feel after enjoying it with my wife.
Now, I am all grown up, and I think sex is just one of the many pleasurable aspects of being married.
If you are married to a man who is always after sex, you can almost conclude that whenever he says “I love you”, he means “I love having sex with you”.
On the other extreme, there is a husband who has stopped taking the initiative in the bedroom.
He doesn’t initiate sex, and whenever you do, he doesn’t seem to respond as he used to.
This extreme is harder to understand.
However, that is why I am here.
I want to help you make sense of what is happening in your bedroom and how it affects your entire marriage.
Beyond this, I want to show you how to change the status quo of your marriage.
Come along!
1. You have rejected him one time too many
I know that men are wrongly painted as sex-hungry and women as the guardians of sexual pleasure.
It is wrong because having strong sexual urges is not limited to a specific gender.
However, some marriages have actually gone through that phase of the man consistently initiating and the woman constantly rejecting him for various reasons.
What constant rejection does to a person is that it makes them anxious and insecure about trying again.
To save himself from the constant disappointment, he has decided to no longer initiate physical intimacy and just wait for when you want it.
That way, he would be saving himself the pain of rejection.
I know this because I sometimes behave this way with other matters.
If I have consistently been ignored and snubbed by someone, I just stop attempting to get their attention and wait for them to approach me instead.
You don’t remember rejecting him?
Well, it doesn’t have to be a recent occurrence.
He could still be holding on to the painful memory of the rejection, and he is not ready for a repeat episode.
2. He has a lower libido than you
This is one major reason why your partner seems to have stopped taking initiative in the bedroom.
If your partner has a lower libido than you do, it means that the odds of him wanting to have sex so bad that he has to initiate it are low.
This is because whenever he is ready to be intimate with him, you are, and even when he isn’t ready, you are still ready.
Baden-Powell would have considered you a perfect fit for the Boy Scouts because their motto is “Always be prepared.”
If your husband used to initiate intimacy at the beginning of the marriage but no longer does, it could be because he has a lower libido.
This can be caused by a lot of factors, including fatigue, stress, or depression…
These things are likely to happen as we age.
3. He has a passive personality
You knew him when you married him.
He is a very gentle person who calmly goes through life.
He is easygoing and basically doesn’t like to take charge of anything.
He is not the active image of a man that society has created for you, but you loved him enough to marry him…
Even if he left most of the decision-making to you.
It’s funny that you expect someone who lets you run every other aspect of his life to take initiative in the bedroom.
If your husband doesn’t seem to take initiative in the bedroom, it may just be his personality.
I know you find it really frustrating, especially since he displays the same passiveness in other areas of his life.
You can actually do something to change the dynamics of your marriage.
The first thing you need to do is to be direct and tell him what you have noticed.
After doing this, you should stop trying to be in control of decision-making and encourage him to participate in the decision-making process of the family.
Also, you should try to never be dismissive of the things he says even when you are strongly tempted to.
With time, he would become more involved and start taking more initiative in the relationship, generally.
4. He just likes it when you initiate
It is weird, but many men actually have this fantasy where they are pursued by women.
I know that you have heard that men love to do the chasing.
It is true for the most part.
However, almost every man has had a fantasy about being seduced by a woman.
So, if your husband stops taking initiative in the bedroom, it may be a sign that he wants to be chased by his wife.
He wants his wife to seduce him because it gives him so much pleasure and serves as an ego booster.
If you haven’t been vocal about how you don’t like this pattern, he may just be assuming that you are enjoying it, too.
Hence, you need to tell him what you feel about it.
5. He doesn’t want you to feel he is forcing you
As things stand in our world, you can never be too careful with how you treat others.
Consent is a great thing, and you should never do anything without a person’s consent.
However, many men really don’t know what behavior crosses the thin line of consent.
Men who generally suffer from anxiety or passivity may find it difficult to initiate things.
Unless you directly express a desire to be intimate, your husband may feel that trying to initiate anything may later be interpreted as aggressive or unwanted.
I remember coming across a social media post by a guy who was sharing his experience at a lady’s place.
They were both attracted to each other…
At least, he was attracted to her.
So, when he got there, she wasn’t giving off the vibe of someone who wanted to get intimate.
He kept his hands to himself respectfully throughout the hangout, only for her to send him an angry message about how spineless he was because he didn’t make any moves on her.
The fact is he wanted to avoid any allegations of harassment, and it was a good choice.
You shouldn’t think it is a terrible thing for you to initiate intimacy if your husband is not making the moves.
Plus, you could also help your husband know when you are receptive to sex by making suggestions, winking, or being outrightly naughty.
This way, you are helping him know when you are receptive to a romp in the bed.
6. He is upset about something you did
When a man is upset about something you did, I can assure you that the last thing on his mind would be getting physically intimate with you.
This is not even gender specific.
It happens to all.
Have you ever been so angry at your partner that you forget that you love them for a moment?
The answer to do is yes, and that may be what your husband is feeling presently.
If he stops taking initiative in the bedroom after you have done something to offend him, it could be a sign that he is upset with you.
How do you know that this is the case?
He seems really cold and curt to you.
He may ignore you or talk to you angrily.
The fact is that wives know when their husbands are angry at them, regardless of how much they try to hide it.
7. He thinks you are upset with him
On the flip side, the reason he stops taking initiative in the bedroom could be because he feels you are angry at him.
Perhaps he offended you, and he thinks you haven’t forgiven him.
It would be very difficult for him to think of initiating physical intimacy with you.
In fact, I can’t decide if a man who tries to initiate lovemaking with a woman who is angry at him is courageous or just unwise.
If you were angry at your husband for something, you could let him know that you have forgiven him.
The poor guy may be sex-starved just because he thinks you are still angry at him.
8. He no longer finds you attractive
This is one of the worst-case scenarios, and it may sound like doomsday to you if you are still very attracted to your husband.
However, if your husband stops taking initiative in the bedroom, it could be a sign that you are beginning to lose your sexual appeal to him.
He is simply no longer attracted to you.
Now, before you start fretting, this is not necessarily the case if your husband responds eagerly when you initiate sex.
If he is cold or “too tired” every time you initiate sex, you may need to start considering this unpleasant reason.
9. He is cheating on you
Really, if a man is not initiating physical intimacy in the marriage, then it could be a sign that he is getting it elsewhere.
This is the worst-case scenario.
Infidelity is a betrayal that can cause deep pain to the victim in a relationship.
So, I am sorry if this is what is happening in your relationship.
I wish you didn’t have to face the trauma of being betrayed.
It is not a good feeling.
When your husband stops taking the initiative in the bedroom and reacts coolly and mechanically whenever you take the initiative, it could be a sign of infidelity.
Especially if this is combined with other suspicious behaviors like treating his phone like it is an appendage to his body, going on weekend trips, or making calls at odd hours, and several other suspicious behaviors.
In the situation of cheating, I believe that infidelity is a deal breaker in any relationship, but you still have the responsibility of deciding if your husband is repentant and there is a future for the marriage.
However, if your husband stops taking initiative in the bedroom, you need to talk to him about how you feel.
This shouldn’t be done in an attacking manner.
You could just tell him how much you wished he would take the initiative more in the bedroom.
You should both be ready to discuss your preferences when it relates to sex, and you should let him know how insecure it makes you feel when you have to initiate sex all the time.
Also, while discussing, clear boundaries should be defined.
It should be crystal clear to your husband when you are not in the mood so he doesn’t have to fear that he may be harassing you.
If it seems like your husband is no longer attracted to you, you may need to get past the hurt and look at things objectively.
Have you let yourself go over the years?
Have you stopped taking care of yourself?
You need to trace those things that you used to do in the past and start doing them.
Start paying attention to your attention, and you may just see a great change in your sex life.
I hope you get to enjoy your sexual life…
Turning blind to the fault of your husband is not an option, though.
