9 Signs Your Relationship Is Not Going Anywhere - Olubunmi Mabel
Picture this: You’re at the bus stop with your suitcase, ready for an exciting journey.
Thankfully, the bus arrives, and you hop on with high hopes, but instead of heading to your dream destination, it keeps going in circles.
The scenery doesn’t change, the driver doesn’t seem to know the way, and all you hear is, “We’ll get there someday” and “Let’s see how it goes.”
That’s what being in a going-nowhere relationship feels like—frustrating, confusing, and utterly exhausting.
Relationships are meant to grow.
They’re supposed to evolve from first-date jitters to something meaningful, fulfilling, and maybe even long-term.
But what happens when the spark feels more like a flicker, and you can’t tell if you’re moving forward or just stuck on repeat?
How do you know when it’s time to stop waiting for a destination that doesn’t exist?
Well, let me be your hero and rescue you.
I’m about to break down the telltale signs that your relationship isn’t going anywhere.
From the red flags to the subtle clues, I’ll help you figure out if it’s time to stay and fight for what you’ve got—or gracefully walk away before you waste any more time.
Ready?
Hang on to my superhero cape, and let’s get started!
1. You always have to ask “What are we?”
If you have to constantly ask your partner, “Where is the relationship going?” then it most likely isn’t going anywhere.
A hill I’m willing to live on ( not die on because I don’t speak death to myself) is that if you have had to ask your partner, “What are we?” more than once, you’ve already overstayed your welcome in their lives.
Pardon my bias, but especially for ladies.
As a lady, if you’re with a guy who doesn’t define what you both share but would rather keep going with the flow, your time is about to be wasted.
This is because they’re most likely just using you to pass the time and are not ready for anything serious.
If your relationship is filled with questions about where you’re headed and defining what you share, it most likely isn’t going anywhere.
2. You go days without talking
Every time I see people online argue about whether they should speak with their partner daily, I know that they don’t have anything serious going on in the relationship.
Real lovers know that communication is a no-brainer.
When my husband and I were dating, we were in a long-distance relationship, yet we were carried along on each other’s lives even more than some people who lived together.
This is because we never stopped talking; we were always texting and calling each other all through.
Even on days when either or both of us got busy, we still managed to catch up or send each other text messages to ensure we were on the same page.
One way to know that life is leaving a relationship is the absence or exit of good communication.
If every conversation feels like pulling teeth, it could mean your relationship is slipping away.
Communication should flow naturally, even during disagreements.
When it starts to feel like you’re talking to a stranger, it’s a red flag.
Perhaps you both once shared everything, from your dreams to your daily ups and downs.
But now, conversations revolve around mundane topics, with nothing truly meaningful exchanged.
When meaningful talks fade, so does the foundation of the relationship.
3. No plans for future
If the only plans you’re making together are for next weekend, not the years to come, it may signal that your relationship has stalled.
Long-term couples naturally talk about a shared future, whether it’s planning trips, buying a home, or dreaming about marriage and family.
My friend, Jane, who had been with her boyfriend for three years, started feeling anxious because they’d never talked about a future together.
She realized that while she envisioned growing old with him, he was still avoiding the topic.
A relationship should be filled with hope and excitement for what lies ahead.
She had to bring herself to the painful point of realizing that they didn’t have a future together.
If either of you in the relationship finds yourself struggling to imagine a joyful future together, it’s a serious sign that things might not be right.
4. You’re both seeing other people
I’m always amused when I see people in relationships who are seeing other people but still holding on to the relationship.
Why not just break up and live your life the way you want to live it?
I mean, isn’t that wiser?
But their life, their choice right?
A relationship where one or both parties are flirting with or dating other people has no future.
The lack of respect and commitment tells you all you need to know already.
In a situation like this, even if you both plan to get married, it’s still as good as a directionless relationship because you’re both headed to a terrible destination – a marriage built on unfaithfulness.
5. You’re together but lonely
Relationships are supposed to make you feel cherished and supported, so if being with your partner makes you feel lonelier, something is amiss.
Feeling lonely when you’re with someone points to a lack of connection.
Maybe they’re not supportive of your choices and growth, or can’t bond with you in the ways you desire.
A partner who you can’t connect with and doesn’t support your goals isn’t willing to grow with you, which leaves little room for a meaningful future together.
6. Endless arguments
Relationships are like a hub of arguments, even healthy ones.
You’ll argue about different things, big and small, but they’re not meant to happen all the time or be about the same things.
Having the same fight over and over can leave you feeling exhausted.
If there is no progress and no willingness to resolve issues, it will be like spinning in circles with no way out.
Healthy relationships involve learning, adapting, and meeting each other halfway and not constant conflict about the same issues.
If you find yourselves arguing about everything from money to household chores, with nothing ever getting resolved, then you’re stuck in a toxic loop.
The relationship won’t move forward.
At least, not until you break free from old arguments.
7. You don’t look forward to spending time together
When you always prefer your own company or time with friends over time with your partner, it’s a sign that something is missing.
While alone time is essential, constantly avoiding your partner shows there’s a deeper issue at play.
Sophie, my old flatmate, used to find herself making plans with friends every weekend just to avoid going out with her boyfriend.
She said that spending time with him feels like a chore yet they didn’t break up.
If you dread time together, it’s a clear signal that the relationship is losing its appeal.
They kept forcing the relationship until Sophie found out one day that he had proposed to another girl.
8. Different values
When couples grow, sometimes they grow in different directions.
If you find that your core values or goals in life are drifting apart, it might be a sign that you’re not meant to share the same future.
People evolve, and sometimes, that growth pulls them in different directions, and that’s okay.
Perhaps you’re ready for marriage, but your partner is more focused on a carefree lifestyle.
When you’re not aligned on important issues like this, it becomes difficult to find common ground.
If you and your partner have become strangers to each other, it may be a sign that the relationship is no longer a good fit.
9. One-sided efforts
In relationships, both partners should be willing to work on issues.
If you’re the only one putting in effort, or neither of you is trying to fix things, it means there’s a lack of commitment to making it last.
Perhaps one person stops being open and vulnerable; they’re always on their phone, and when the other tries to talk, the answers are short and uninterested.
You don’t expect one person to be doing all the work and not get tired.
The connection will be one-sided, and the relationship won’t move forward.
A relationship without mutual effort is like a ship without a captain, and such a ship is destined to drift.
As you read through, perhaps one, two, or more of these points stood out to you because it’s happening in your relationship, and you’re already downcast.
Don’t worry!
Spotting the signs of a stagnant relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world.
It’s your chance to evaluate, reflect, and decide if it’s time to pump the brakes or get off the bus entirely.
It’s a step toward finding happiness and fulfillment, whether that’s together or apart.
It might even be the wake-up call you need to redirect your energy toward someone (or something) better.
You will be okay.
You just have to trust your instincts and honor what you truly need.
