How Does The Other Woman Feel When He Goes Back To His Wife? - Olubunmi Mabel

As a side chick, it is usually sweet and sour to be the hidden treasure in someone else’s life.

However, when that person is married and constantly goes back to his wife, it can leave the side chick feeling a range of emotions.

I can tell this categorically because I have been there but not anymore.

I learned my lesson the hard way.

Being a side chick might feel exciting initially.

It may feel thrilling to be the hidden treasure in someone else’s marriage.

The man may make her feel like she is getting all the attention and love that she deserves.

This is because the man makes the woman feel like his safe haven.

But as time passes, reality starts to set in, and she soon realizes that she will never be his priority.

She starts to become their second choice, as it had been from the beginning till she finally falls off the wagon.

It is hard to watch someone she cares about constantly go back to their wife, knowing that she will never have a place in their life outside of the affair.

She may even start questioning her worth and why she is settling for being the “other woman.”

This post is not about being the side chic but the fact that the married man has already chosen to return to his wife.

So, how does the other woman feel when he goes back to his wife?

1. She Feels Inadequate

When the married man decides to go back to his wife, it can make the other woman feel inadequate and unworthy.

She begins to question her worth and wonders if she is not enough for him.

She even mentally compares herself to his wife, wondering what areas she is deficient in.

She even begins to think of things she does better than her.

But eventually, she realizes her abilities and higher strength are not the issues. 

Even if he says he loves her, it’s not as much as he loves his wife, or he wouldn’t be going back to her.

It’s his decision to go back to his wife that hurts her the most.

2. She Feels Used

Being the “other woman” can make a woman feel used and disposable.

She makes herself available because he has made her feel special, and she believes he sees something in her that his wife doesn’t have.

He tells her how much he appreciates her and how his life would be incomplete without her.

But in reality, she is just filling a void for him. 

He may not truly care for her as he claims but rather sees her as someone to pass the time with until he goes back to his wife.

She starts to question if it’s her own fault for being in this situation and if she is worthy of love and respect. 

Eventually, he goes back to his wife, and she is left feeling used, empty, and worthless.

It’s a cycle that can repeat itself unless she breaks free from it.

3. She Feels Guilty

Being the “other woman” also brings a lot of guilt.

She knows deep down that what she’s doing is wrong and goes against her morals and values.

She may justify it by saying that his marriage was already broken or that they weren’t happy together, but at the end of the day, she is participating in infidelity.

This leaves a heavy weight on her conscience and can affect her mental health, especially when the reality of his going back to his wife hits her.

The constant guilt can eat away at her and make her question her own character.

She may start to believe that she is not a good person for being involved in this situation.

Furthermore, the guilt can lead to feelings of shame and self-blame.

4. She Feels Sad

A woman who has been the side chic to a man who has promised to be with her for the longest of times starts to feel sad when he leaves her for his wife.

This development for her is going back to square one or starting all over.

She might have convinced herself all along that the man would eventually leave his wife for her, but the reverse happens.

This becomes a tale of heartbreak and disappointment for her.

She may start to question if she was not good enough or if she did something wrong that led to him going back to his wife.

The sadness can also stem from feeling like she has lost someone who made her feel special and loved.

In reality, it can be difficult for her to process and accept that the man chose his wife over her, even though he had promised otherwise.

5. She Feels Angry

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

After investing her time, emotions, and possibly even money into the relationship, finding out that the man has chosen to stay with his wife can result in intense feelings of anger towards both him and his wife.

As ironic as it sounds, a woman in this situation may feel angry because of the betrayal or manipulation she has experienced through the man’s promises and lies. 

She may also feel angry at herself for falling for someone who was already taken and believing his words over his actions.

However, these actions often only lead to more pain and do not bring any real resolution.

6. She Feels Confused

Being involved with a married man can leave a woman feeling confused about her own identity and self-worth.

When a married man returns to his wife, it can make a woman question her value and wonder if she was not good enough for him to leave his marriage.

This confusion stems from a place of what to believe or how to move on.

She might be hanging on to the hope that he will eventually leave his wife for her again, but this can be a dangerous and false belief.

Although going by his previous words or actions can seem like a ray of light for her, that could lead to more confusion if she tries to juxtapose it with her current reality.

In many cases, a married man may say all the right things to keep his mistress hooked, but his actions will speak louder than any promises he makes.

7. She Struggles with Trust

When a married man goes back to his wife, it can be difficult for the other woman to trust him or anyone in the future. 

First, she feels betrayed by the married man, and then she may struggle to come to terms with the reality before her.

Imagine having someone who has promised to be with her forever, only to realize that they were never fully committed in the first place.

It’s not as if she didn’t know he was still married, but I guess she believed his words and actions that he would be with her till the end of time.

This betrayal can leave scars and make it hard for her to open up and trust someone again fully.

The sad truth is that the man might have really intended to be with her, but somehow, he found himself loving his wife again.

Also, she may find it hard to trust her judgment after falling for someone who was already taken.

8. It Hurts Her Self-Esteem

Being in a relationship with a married man can also have a negative impact on a woman’s self-esteem.

This is particularly true for a woman who has a dent in her sense of worth in the first place.

At first, the whole relationship will always be hidden as a sacred truth that should not see the light of day because it is a “forbidden act.”

When others talk about having their partners around and enjoying happy moments together, she won’t be able to fit into that conversation.

It simply means she is not the man’s first choice, which is a pointer to the fact that she is not good enough or desirable enough to be someone’s first choice.

This may not be the case, but the feelings are not invalidated.

She may constantly question what it was about her that made this man choose his wife over her, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

Furthermore, being in an affair with a married man means constantly living with the fear of being exposed and judged by others, which can further damage a woman’s self-esteem.

I have deliberately addressed this to the other woman in third-person pronouns.

However, if you’re the one dealing with all of these emotions, I want you to understand that it takes two to tango, and you didn’t commit the act by yourself.

If the man is not crucifying himself, there is no need or point for you to kill yourself over the fact that he has moved on.

It will be best for you to dust yourself and move on from your present state to a more settled state of mind.

It is okay to fall but not okay to remain down.

I hope you pick the lessons from this phase of your life and apply them as you move on.

See you in the next blog post.