How Long Can A Marriage Survive Without Physical Intimacy?- 7 Signs Your Marriage May Not Survive The Intimacy Drought - Olubunmi Mabel
Growing up, we knew next to nothing about sex.
Some of my age-mates who were a little more adventurous and lived with parents who were less careful would say it was pleasurable.
We all couldn’t wait for adulthood when we would marry and start enjoying that pleasure.
Some guys, like me, even wanted to break Solomon’s record in the Bible and wondered how he kept up with his numerous wives.
Well, now I am older, and I understand what my principal meant when he said, “Sex is not food. When you marry, you won’t have sex every day”.
The truth is that in every relationship, there are ebbs and flows in physical intimacy.
Fairy tales usually make us believe that relationships are “happily ever afters.”
However, reality shows us how a relationship is always a work in progress.
Couples have to put in the work by loving, trusting, respecting each other, and consistently showing up for each other, even in the little things.
Physical intimacy is a significant pillar of marriage; without it, it is not unusual for the marriage to feel the impact of its absence.
It is certain that every marriage will feel the impact of no physical intimacy.
However, the question of how long a marriage can last without physical intimacy is one that can’t be exactly answered with certainty.
The truth is that every marriage is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question.
While some marriages survive and even thrive despite the absence of physical intimacy, others may struggle to endure.
After taking the uniqueness of every marriage into consideration, it is important that you recognize the signs that your marriage may be in danger of not surviving a drought of physical intimacy.
Let’s explore these signs together.
1. Emotional detachment
Married couples can be intimate in several ways.
Physical intimacy is great, but emotional intimacy is even better.
Emotional intimacy is what helps many couples get through long periods without physical intimacy.
It involves connection on a level far beyond the physical.
My first ever relationship was a long-distance relationship.
We dated for a long time without even seeing each other physically.
We didn’t hold hands or hug each other, but I feel like I connected with her more than any other person since then.
And it’s not the “first love syndrome,” in which most people feel really strongly about their first love, and every other relationship pales in comparison.
This was real.
It was because we spent a lot of time connecting emotionally.
We knew each other so well by the time we finally met that we could predict each other’s moves and reactions.
Anyway, my point is that the moment you begin to notice a distinct sense of emotional disconnection setting in, it could be a sign that your marriage is already teetering on the edge of an abyss.
Physical intimacy usually complements emotional intimacy.
So, most of the time, a decline in physical intimacy translates into a decline in emotional intimacy.
While some couples are exceptions to this rule, it is important to keep your eyes open for any sign of emotional distance in your relationship.
If you realize that your conversations no longer have depth, it could be a sign of a widening emotional gap.
You no longer have deep and meaningful conversations.
In fact, it feels like you and your partner are just strangers sharing a house.
You no longer know each other.
You don’t even know what’s happening in each other’s lives.
This feeling of disconnect could be a sign that your marriage can not survive much longer without physical intimacy.
Something needs to be done about it, and really quickly, too.
2. Rising resentment
Most times, couples usually experience a lack of physical intimacy because one partner seems to be avoiding it.
Growing up in my hometown, I saw a lot of men complain about their wives refusing them sex.
I stayed in a semi-rural community, and many people didn’t know how to behave in a civilized manner.
Couples would have a fight and start washing their dirty linen in public.
They would start exposing each other’s secrets at such loud volumes that it would have been impossible to ignore even if you wanted to mind your own business.
That’s how I got to know that many men usually complained about their wives refusing them sex.
The problem with lack of physical intimacy is that if both partners have not agreed to the absence of physical intimacy, it means that one partner is getting rejected all the time.
People say we should be able to take rejections in our strides, but that doesn’t apply to this situation.
If either partner feels continuously rejected, they can start feeling resentment.
Resentment is like a slow but deadly poison.
It is usually slow to act, but when it does, it can destroy your relationship.
Many people are enjoying an uneasy peace in their marriage.
There is this undercurrent of tension in the air, and there is no knowing when the fragile peace may end.
This is because, at this point, resentment is still building up.
If your partner has been complaining about the lack of physical intimacy, it is a sign that they are not cool with it.
If you continue to ignore their complaints, then those unaddressed grievances may morph into something more disastrous for the relationship.
Resentment and anger could be the end of your marriage.
If you are already seeing signs that your partner resents you for the lack of physical intimacy, it is a sign that your marriage may not survive the physical intimacy drought.
3. Increased arguments
Pent-up sexual tension could lead to short tempers and frequent fights.
It’s just normal.
While disagreements are a natural part of relationships, it is an important sign to note when your marriage is experiencing a lack of physical intimacy.
If you have noticed an increased frequency of arguments recently, it is a sign of deeper dissatisfaction.
The arguments may be about something very trivial.
You would be making a mistake by taking trivial matters at face value.
You may be arguing over trivial matters but the real source of the arguments may be something much more deep-seated.
In any relationship, constant bickering is a sign of unresolved tension.
In a marriage experiencing a lack of intimacy, it is an outright sign that your marriage is straining under the tension of the absence of physical intimacy.
This sort of tense atmosphere is bad for your marriage.
It puts a strain on your marriage.
If you notice this sign in your marriage, it is a sign that you and your need to take steps to rekindle the passion in your marriage.
4. Avoiding physical contact
Even if full physical intimacy is not happening in your marriage, it doesn’t mean that there should be a total avoidance of physical contact.
There are several physical gestures that display affection and intimacy in relationships.
Gestures like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling can help couples maintain a sense of closeness.
Everything about physical intimacy doesn’t have to revolve around the bedroom.
However, if these gestures are also absent in your relationship, it is a sign that something is wrong.
When couples stop touching each other and literally avoid physical contact with each other, it is physical evidence of the widening emotional chasm between them.
It shows that the lack of physical intimacy is having a significantly negative effect on the quality of your relationship.
Regardless of how people say emotional intimacy is more important than physical intimacy, the truth is that, more often than not, they are interwoven.
You really can’t separate them, most of the time.
And when one takes a hit, the other feels it, too.
If this sign is evident in your relationship, it is a sign that the lack of intimacy is taking its toll on your marriage.
5. Feelings of inadequacy
One time, I spoke to a man, and he confessed to me that in his younger days, he used to be a high sexual performer.
According to him, no lady he had sex with had any complaints.
Well, later in his life, he got married, and his wife too didn’t have any complaints in the beginning.
However, after some years of marriage and two kids, she stopped showing any inclination to enjoy physical intimacy with him.
In fact, at some point, she started refusing him.
Initially, he tried to understand.
It was obvious that she wasn’t cheating on him.
So he couldn’t accuse her of cheating.
He felt it was just a passing phase and was willing to wait it out.
But after waiting for some time and getting rejected again, it started affecting his self-esteem.
He felt inadequate.
He started feeling unattractive, and this started affecting the way he viewed things.
He knew she wasn’t cheating, but he started accusing her of cheating.
He tried to monitor all her activities.
It was obvious he was feeling insecure in the relationship.
The truth is that for most married people, their partner’s desire for them is how they measure their attractiveness, and when this desire wanes, it is possible for insecurity to set in.
You start questioning whether your partner is attracted to you.
You start wondering why they seem to be so okay with the lack of physical intimacy.
Could they be getting satisfaction from somewhere else?
You start thinking all sorts of things.
When this begins to happen in your marriage, it is a sign that your marriage may not survive the lack of physical intimacy if you don’t do something about it fast.
6. Disinterest in rekindling the spark
Building something is not an easy venture.
But do you know what’s easy?
Destroying it.
You can build a house for months, yet it will take just a few minutes to demolish it.
This is the same with marriage.
It takes a lot of work to make it successful and to keep it that way.
When marriages experience ebbs in physical intimacy, the hallmark of successful marriages is how they bounce back from such periods of intimacy drought.
You may have started seeing the signs that the lack of physical intimacy is affecting your marriage negatively.
It is only normal to want to fix things, and in this case, you already know what went wrong.
So, your next step is usually to take steps toward rekindling the spark in the marriage.
It is not an easy process, but with your partner willing to work with you, things can actually work out.
However, if your partner is hesitant to reconnect, it is a sign that your marriage has suffered a serious setback.
Every relationship faces challenges, but the willingness to work through them is crucial.
If both of you display little to no effort in rekindling the spark—whether through therapy, quality time, or open communication—it may be a red flag that the marriage is no longer a priority.
7. Infidelity
Sexual dissatisfaction…
This is one of the leading reasons for infidelity.
A quick disclaimer: There is no excuse for infidelity.
It is an extremely irresponsible thing to do, regardless of the situation in your marriage.
If you want to end a marriage, do it the right way.
However, when physical and emotional needs are unmet at home, there’s a risk of seeking them outside the marriage.
This could manifest as emotional affairs, flirting, or even physical infidelity.
Emotional affairs and flirting are just as bad as physical infidelity.
Some people try to make them look like lesser sins, but the truth is they are not.
They are grievous betrayals of trust and can severely damage the foundation of the relationship.
This is absolutely the worst-case scenario and when it happens, it could be the end of the marriage for many people.
However, if you still believe in your marriage, there are some tips that can help you rekindle your relationship.
First, you need to discuss this with your partner.
Tell them how you have come to realize that the lack of physical intimacy is driving a wedge between the both of you.
You can talk things out and develop viable solutions that may or may not include returning to enjoying full physical intimacy.
If the lack of physical intimacy is not caused by medical issues or distance, I really don’t see any reason for the long abstinence.
You could also make an effort to rekindle passion by spending quality time together and going on spontaneous dates.
These little gestures go a long way in reassuring your partner of your love.
Ultimately, love isn’t measured by how physically intimate a couple is.
In the end, it is the little acts of kindness, trust, respect, and support that form the foundations of a relationship.
So, back to the question – How long can a marriage survive without physical intimacy?
There is no universal timeframe for this.
For some, a week without physical intimacy is enough to cause problems.
For others, months may go by without any issues.
There is no actual answer to it.
My only advice is that anything that affects the quality of your relationship can destroy it.
Hence, if you notice the signs that your period without physical intimacy is beginning to negatively impact your marriage, it is a sign that you need to rethink and reignite physical intimacy.
