If A Husband Is Giving Up On His Wife He Does These 8 Things - Olubunmi Mabel

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”

Hope is such a powerful force that keeps people going despite the situation around them.

This is why when people stop hoping, they give up, and some even go as far as committing suicide.

In the context of relationships, I have had to keep hope alive for certain people in my life because I genuinely them.

From my experience with friendships, I can say that giving up on someone is usually painful for me, but I have reached a point in certain relationships where I had to face the hard truth.

I feel like it is the same for marriage, and hope keeps one or both partners going.

Even though no one is perfect, and if a partner, in this case, the wife, has certain character flaws or unresolved issues, the husband may sometimes hang on to the thread of hope that things will get better.

And thankfully, it does for some.

However, the reverse is the case for others.

Let’s consider what it feels like for a husband who is giving up on his wife and the things he does in this article.

Shall we?

1. He stops trying

I remember a friendship I gave up on.

Prior to this, I kept trying to connect with her, but every move I made was rebuffed.

Worse still, I felt manipulated because this friend had unrealistic expectations of me and compared me with another mutual friend just to get me to vie for her affection, I guess.

This was the point I realized I needed to let go, so I stopped trying.

We still say hello occasionally, but we have since moved on.

A husband who loves his wife will invest in his relationship with her and withhold nothing from her.

When she needs support, he’ll be there as the shoulder for her to lean on.

He’ll also be there to cuddle and carry her if she needs comfort.

He does all these and more because he loves her and believes in what they share together.

If he gets to the point where he starts giving up on her, he’ll definitely change.

He will stop trying altogether.

Some husbands are not intentionally trying to stop making efforts in the relationship, but they are discouraged and have lost steam so that they can go no further.

Unfortunately, one person cannot pull the weight of a marital relationship, and two cannot walk together unless they agree.

When a husband stops trying to reach his wife, loving her the way she needs to be loved, or believing that she will be a better person, it may just be the beginning of the end of that relationship.

2. He checks out emotionally

The emotional bond is a vital one that keeps hearts knitted in marriage and committed to doing life together.

When you share an emotional bond with someone, you can easily feel their pain and carry their burdens.

You are equally compelled to do right by them because of your bond with them.

A husband who is giving up on his wife will check out emotionally.

I have met people who had emotional walls up when relating with others, and years ago, I used to be like that, too.

I call it a trauma response.

When you’ve been hurt so many times, you may start defending yourself by walling up and ensuring you don’t invest your emotions in other relationships.

Some men also react this way when they give up on their wives, becoming emotionally distant or unavailable.

They have mentally checked out and have secured their emotions from their wives because they want out.

Such a husband may become uncaring, unloving, and distant.

His wife would feel the large chasm between them, and even if they live in the same house, he will be very unreachable emotionally, which will undoubtedly affect the relationship.

It’ll also be evident in his show of affection and ‘other room’ affairs, as his emotional distance may ground all sexual activities, too.

The guy has given up… sadly so!

3. He becomes passive and irresponsive

If you’ve ever tried to reach someone on the phone urgently, all to no avail, you will understand the frustration of passivity.

A husband who is giving up on his wife would become passive to her and irresponsive.

Most wives are the ying to their husbands’ yang, as they often know how to reach him.

It is called influence.

This means that they have an enormous influence on their husbands by virtue of the relationship they share.

However, that relationship is usually severed when a man gives up on his wife.

He would no longer respond or he’d suddenly become cold towards her.

This is usually characterized by a breakdown in communication and his refusal to engage anymore.

4. He stops expecting anything

When it dawned on me that my friendship would not progress, I cried and accepted fate.

I stopped expecting anything, and I stopped giving, too.

We have talked about the husband refraining from making efforts in the relationship, but here, he stops expecting too.

In marriage, there are expectations, and husbands and wives have legitimate expectations of each other.

But when the husband starts giving up on his wife, he will stop expecting love, care, and support from her.

He will also stop expecting her to be accountable to him.

He stops expecting sex.

He stops expecting her to be a better person.

I have heard people say the words “XYZ can never change!” and some men say these about their wives when they start giving up on her.

At this point, these husbands lose hope and resign to fate, and some may resort to living with the realities of their relationship with their wives, while others do not.

5. He becomes frustrated or depressed

If you have been hoping and believing for something, accepting the fact that it will never happen can be sad and frustrating.

When a husband is giving up on his wife, he may become depressed or frustrated around her; it all depends on his personality.

Remember I shared that I cried when I had to let go of my friendship? 

I cried and mourned that friendship for months because of how much it meant to me.

He may have moments of tearful release at this stage or outbursts of frustration at his wife because he feels at his wits end where his wife is concerned.

6. He stops being understanding or patient

I have a very patient and understanding husband, so I know what a blessing this is.

However, everyone’s patience has limits, and what propels your husband to be understanding and patient is the hope in his heart; if he loses hope, he will stop being patient and kind.

The things that didn’t use to irritate him before may start irritating him, resulting in increased conflict between the two of you.

A molehill will easily be made into a mountain when he is in this state.

7. He turns to another

When a husband is giving up on his wife, it makes him vulnerable and open to new relationships.

He may begin to explore other women outside his marriage because he has lost hope in his wife and marriage.

Many times, extra-marital affairs start from emotional attachment to another available and willing partner before sex even occurs.

This does not in any way justify his actions, and cheating in marriage is still a breach of trust.

8. He leaves the relationship

When a husband is giving up on his wife he may no longer see value in the relationship and may exit it physically.

This can look like separation or divorce.

Since the relationship no longer serves him, he may feel it best to let go of it altogether.

Several factors can make a husband give up on his wife.

For instance, if she is abusive and the relationship is toxic, he may endure for a while and then give up.

A husband can also give up on his wife if she is a serial cheat, trust is breached, doesn’t reciprocate his love, or is addicted to substances.

A husband can give up on his wife if they have fallen out of love, have too many unresolved differences, or if he feels like he has outgrown her and she is making no effort to evolve.

A husband may give up on his wife if they are sexually incompatible or have fertility issues.

A husband may also give up on his wife if she has negative, unrepentant character flaws.

There are more possibilities for why a husband may give up on his wife.

However, it is advisable for the aggrieved party—the husband—to explore more channels for help and support if he feels he is at the end of the cliff.

Some marriages have been saved due to support from professional marriage counselors and, sometimes, therapy for one or both partners in the relationship.

Also, sometimes, you may need to step back and examine the situation with new eyes; there just might be a way to salvage it.