If Your Husband Never Says Sorry: 6 Things It Means - Olubunmi Mabel

Why does he find it so hard to say “Sorry”?

I can bet a million and one women are asking this question and wondering if their case is unique.

Well, firstly, it isn’t.

Secondly, the reason your husband never says sorry is not always ominous.

Sometimes, it’s just personality or conditioning.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

I will explain the possible reasons better as we proceed.

I understand how you feel when you don’t have an answer to this question, especially considering that we’ve been taught that sorry is one of the magic words.

So why is it hard for your husband?

Follow ahead for the possible reasons.

Reasons Your Husband Never Says Sorry

1. He Sees the Issues from a Different Perspective 

Your husband may not be apologizing to you because he has a different perspective on the issue. 

Although men and women are both emotional, men have been taught to shut that part of themselves down. 

Therefore, most of them relate better with logic. 

Understand that I’m not saying your feelings are not valid or even wrong; they aren’t. 

If it weren’t also emotional beings, we would be nothing more than robots. 

So, your feeling is valid.

You have a right to them and for them to be addressed.

The only issue is that for a man, he probably doesn’t relate to it.

Therefore, while you’re hurt over the issue because you are more in tune with your emotions, he doesn’t see why it’s even an issue in the first place.

In his perspective, it’s a non-issue, so he’s likely not even thinking about it, not to mention apologizing for it. 

2. He Doesn’t Think He Owes You One

Similarly, he may not say sorry because he doesn’t think he owes you an apology.

Like the above, it could be because he’s thinking about the issue more logically.

It could also be that he just flat-out doesn’t think he is wrong.

In this case, he might put the blame on you.

So, the way he sees it, you should be apologizing, not him.

Now, before you scream, “Gaslighter.”

Think about it; is he wrong, or are you?

If you’re certain he’s wrong, communicate it without throwing tantrums.

Hopefully, a calm conversation will open his eyes to the fact that he’s wrong.

3. He Prefers Actions To Words 

Most men are better with actions than they are with words.

So, he may feel words are meaningless, including the ‘S’ word.

For him, buying you a gift or doing extra at home is a way to compensate for upsetting you rather than just using words.

Such a man may even be confused when you tell him he hasn’t apologized because, as far as he’s concerned, he has.

This is because, for him, using actions to make up for a wrong is as valid an apology as saying sorry.

I understand how frustrating it is to have a man who doesn’t seem to grasp the importance of verbal apologies.

Because I’m a sucker for the magic word ”sorry”.

I don’t care how many gifts a man buys me or how much he helps out around the house, if he can’t verbally acknowledge his mistakes and apologize for them, I wouldn’t like it.

4. He Feels Saying Sorry Is Weak

Shockingly, some men associate saying sorry with being weak.

This is, of course, primarily a result of conditioning.

If he has been trained to believe men don’t make mistakes and sees making one as meaning he is a failure, he might not respond well to the word.

For him, saying sorry means admitting he is a failure, so he will avoid it.

This kind of man may instead make up for it by using actions or, worse, never even seeing the wrong.

In my opinion, that’s a weak man!

A man who refuses to apologize is not strong or confident but rather insecure and unable to take responsibility for his actions.

It takes strength and courage to admit when we are wrong and apologize sincerely.

Apologizing shows humility and empathy.

When a man can say sorry, he shows that he values the feelings of those around him and is willing to work towards making things right.

5. He Has a Traumatic Response To The Word

In the same vein, he may have a traumatic response to the word due to a past occurrence.

For instance, if he grew up in a family where saying sorry led to worse consequences, saying the word might turn him off.

Likewise, it could be a past relationship with someone who struggled to forgive him even after saying sorry.

He might find it difficult to say sorry because he thinks it achieves nothing anyway.

So, this response could be a defense mechanism, as apologizing requires vulnerability and the possibility of rejection or further hurt.

6. He’s Insensitive

Lastly, and I hate to break it to you, your husband might struggle with saying sorry simply because he’s a jerk.

As jarring as this is, it is as simple as this for some men.

They are not sensitive to other people’s feelings, are never wrong, and don’t care.

This type of behavior can stem from various reasons, such as a lack of emotional intelligence or a narcissistic personality.

In this case, it’s not about whether or not he knows how to say sorry, but rather his lack of empathy and consideration for others. 

What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Say Sorry

1. Let Him Know

One thing many of us fail to understand in relationships and marriage is that sometimes, you need to teach your partner things.

We come from different backgrounds, and people have a lot of baggage.

I’m so happy for you if you grew up in a healthy environment and have had healthy relationships.

Unfortunately, not many have this luxury.

So, when you get with someone, you can help them through certain unhealthy habits.

Don’t do this forcefully, though.

Be ready to teach them patiently; hopefully, if they are teachable, you can help them.

Therefore, if your husband struggles with saying sorry, instead of stressing over it, clue him in.

He really may just be clueless.

Help him by explaining calmly how his actions hurt you and how you’d like an apology.

Or tell him how you’d like to hear the word ‘sorry’ instead of just gifts when you are hurt.

Tell him what it would mean to you to hear him apologize when he’s wrong.

Try not to throw an accusatory finger at him; that might make him defensive, and the purpose would be defeated.

Be calm when explaining, and be patient with him because old habits die hard.

When he makes progress, appreciate and celebrate it. 

When he fails – because he will as he learns – encourage him, especially if he’s responding positively.

It’s a possible sign he is hoping to do better.

But change doesn’t happen overnight, so you need to give him time rather than force it.

2. Accept His Apology When He Does

When he’s beginning to change, or he apologizes after your discussion, accept it graciously.

You might prefer a longer discussion about the matter that upsets you, but now is not the right time to address it.

We need to learn to deal with issues individually instead of compounding them.

If not, we will not make any progress.

So, accept his apology and let him associate the word with grace and forgiveness.

You can address the behavior that led to the upset at another time if necessary.

If not, you can even let it go.

3. Learn to Live with the Flaw

Another option is to learn to live with it.

This is the best approach for one who isn’t teachable or finds it difficult to change.

Focus on the things you like about him and teach him by apologizing when you are wrong.

Hopefully, he will be influenced with time and pick up the habit, too.

Ultimately, changing a man like this would depend on how deep the culture is and how much of a good man he is.

In any case, you need a lot of patience to live in peace with such a man.