The 6 Real Reasons Guys Don’t Always Apologize First - Olubunmi Mabel
I wish I could say apologizing has never been difficult for me; unfortunately, I can’t.
As a kid, I was allergic to saying the words “please,” “sorry,” and “thank you.”
My parents laughed over it, thinking I would outgrow it.
Well, I did outgrow it after I realized how it was such a terrible character to have.
Several young men grew up this way, mostly never apologizing when they did something wrong.
Now that they are all grown up, it still seems like some of them have yet to outgrow that phase of their lives because they still can’t bring themselves to apologize first after a conflict.
If you are surrounded by guys like this, you may be tempted to think that all guys find it difficult to apologize first.
Hence, the myth about guys never apologizing first because of their egos.
However, what are the real reasons guys don’t always apologize first?
In this article, we will explore the various reasons guys don’t apologize first.
Spoiler alert!
Their ego is just one of the reasons.
Come along; let’s unveil the rest!
1. They don’t really think they have done anything wrong
Have you ever mediated a conflict before when both parties felt like they were blameless in the whole thing, and you could actually see that they were both at fault?
Well, I am about to describe something like that.
Sometimes, guys and ladies have different perspectives of right and wrong.
This difference in perspectives can be the cause of many of the conflicts males and females experience in their relationships and friendships.
What a female may consider offensive may seem funny to a guy.
Hence, this may be the real reason he doesn’t apologize when you are offended by some of his antics.
He basically thinks you are overreacting.
Why?
The other night, he did something worse to his best friend Jack, and everyone just had a good laugh.
Guys have different perspectives on things that require an apology.
This is why males rarely ever have to apologize to each other in their friendships.
Sometimes, guys forget that you are a lady and treat you like one of the guys, and this involves doing things that ladies find naturally offensive to you.
It is great sometimes to remind them that you are different.
This is only possible when you start alerting them when they are treating you in an offensive way.
The key to getting a guy to apologize is never keeping silent when they do hurtful things to you.
If you keep silent, they may continue doing it without even realizing they are hurting your feelings.
When you are angry at a guy, tell him.
Now, this doesn’t guarantee an apology, but a reasonable guy will apologize and never repeat it.
2. They are egoistical
As much as I don’t like the narrative about men being egoistical, many men actually are.
Let’s face it: it is one of the real reasons why many guys never apologize first, even when it is glaringly obvious that they are at fault.
Apologizing is synonymous with admitting that you were wrong, and for some men, even the pain of torture won’t ever equate to the pain of admitting they were wrong.
So, they never apologize first.
To them, stroking their ego and holding onto their pride is more important than keeping even the most important relationships.
This is a terrible attitude to have.
It makes you burn bridges that are important to your life.
Listen to me, guys; no man can make it alone.
All these stories of “self-made” men usually include tales of people who helped them along the way.
No one progresses in isolation.
Discard your ego and learn to keep relationships that matter.
If you have had several truncated relationships and believe you have never been at fault, it tells me a lot about you.
It also tells me that while you may not be solely responsible for the destruction of your relationships, you must have played a major role in it.
3. Societal stereotyping
This is not really a common thing anymore.
However, it still exists in some places.
Some people believe that males are supposed to be the head of the house.
They are meant to be strong and stoic – the real epitome of masculinity.
In their definition of masculinity, they don’t leave any room for apologies.
Why?
They believe apologies only come from weak men.
Strong men don’t.
Such a guy may try to buy gifts for you later.
He doesn’t even need to say it, you just know that he is buying gifts for you because he knows he has hurt you.
There’s nothing wrong with being strong and stoic, but there is everything wrong with not apologizing because you are trying to be strong.
In fact, there is strength in admitting you are wrong and apologizing when you have offended people.
A guy who can’t apologize first when he has offended someone is insecure and has a penchant for not taking responsibility for his actions.
That’s not the epitome of masculinity.
Strength is about doing the right regardless of what it does to you or your ego.
4. He doesn’t care about how you feel
Remember how I struggled with saying “I am sorry” as a kid?
My struggle with it wasn’t because I didn’t care about the person I had hurt.
In fact, sometimes, I would go somewhere and cry just because of the pain I inflicted on them.
I cared, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
Some guys are different.
They don’t apologize first because they don’t care about your feelings.
They are terribly insensitive and can’t sense the feelings of others around them.
This level of self-absorbance is not an advantage.
Rather, it leaves you at a disadvantage.
I have a friend who can be annoying and do some of the most hurtful and selfish things.
The weirdest part of it is she would be so unaware of how hurtful the things she was saying were.
When you tell her she did something hurtful to you, she glosses over it without actually apologizing.
It is sad, but a lot of people are selfish and insensitive.
While both males and females can do this, this may be why some guys don’t apologize first.
In any case, such selfishness is detrimental to any relationship.
5. They are immature
I have come to associate the inability to apologize first with immaturity.
As a kid, I always felt the need to prove that I needed no one else.
So, if you were hurt by something I did and refused to speak to me, I would take it in my strides.
After all, there were always other kids to play with.
Some guys have taken this behavior into adulthood.
They will never apologize first, even when their fault is glaring, because they haven’t outgrown that childish phase of finding it difficult to say “sorry.”
Apologizing is a struggle for these guys, and they’d rather do other things to show they are sorry.
When that’s not working, they may choose to stay away instead of attempting to fix the relationship.
Any guy who behaves this way is childish and really needs to grow up.
6. They actually think you are the one at fault
It is possible for two to be angry at each other.
It may not happen all the time, but it happens.
A guy and a lady in a relationship are angry at each other.
Each of them is expecting an apology from the other.
When the apology isn’t forthcoming, their relationship takes a hit and crumbles into nothingness.
They become strangers to each other.
This is a vicious cycle that can be ended by communicating effectively.
If you are offended by something, you should be able to tell the person what you are feeling.
You can’t just keep quiet and expect him to read your mind.
Sometimes, when you talk things out, you may find out that you have both been looking at things from different angles and that both of you actually deserve apologies.
Understanding why your guy never apologizes first is key to a successful relationship.
Every man is different, and while some men don’t apologize because of their ego, other guys may do it for other reasons.
You need to be able to communicate effectively when you feel hurt by something he does to you.
This is usually the key to resolving any conflict amicably.
Tell him when you are hurt by something he has done.
Don’t wait for him to read your mind.
Also, you need to have the ability to introspect deeply.
Sometimes, we expect apologies from the people we should be apologizing to.
Think deeply and reflect on what happened.
You may just have inflicted some hurt on him too.
A “Love” Note To Guys Who Don’t Apologize First
Not apologizing first is not a flex.
It may make you feel like an alpha male, but an alpha male is not the true definition of masculinity.
Engaging in a standoff with your partner, waiting for her to capitulate first, is not a sign of masculinity.
Rather, it is a sign of weakness.
In situations like this, someone needs to be the “bigger person” in the relationship.
Dear guys, let that person be you…
Sometimes or most of the time!
