When A Man Mistreats You: 9 Things It Means - Olubunmi Mabel

    Being mistreated by a man, especially one you least expect it from, can be mentally and emotionally hurting.

    In whatever way he does it, be it through words, actions, or inactions, your mind is thrown into a frenzy of questions, questioning the reasons for his actions or even questioning your worth.

    The thing about experiencing things like this is that apart from the direct, unpleasant effects they can have on your feelings or even body in terms of physical abuse, they can also have indirect effects like kicking your self-esteem in the butt.

    You may find yourself wondering why he’s ill-treating you.

    You need to figure out why, but it’s even more important to walk away from situations where you’re being devalued and mistreated.

    But let us start with the possible reasons for his actions first.

    When a Man Mistreats You: 9 Things It Means: 

    1. You have overstayed your welcome

    when a man mistreats you: things it means

    This is one of the most common reasons why some men mistreat women.

    I’ve seen it happen with so many women, and it’s quite disturbing.

    The man may have gotten tired of the woman and fallen out of love with her, and the only way he knows to communicate that is by treating her unfairly.

    Instead of communicating his loss of interest in her, he chooses to go for action instead.

    If he’s mistreating you, you don’t have to think too far or too wide; it’s simply because he doesn’t love you.

    He probably wants out of the relationship but doesn’t want to say it.

    Or perhaps he’s even said it, but you failed to take his word for it and leave his life.

    So, he decided to resort to bad behavior.

    The earlier you get the memo, the better.

    2. Lack of consequences

    Newton’s First Law of Motion, also known as the law of inertia, states that:

    “An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion at a co, and you don’t protest or leave his life, yet you nstant velocity unless acted upon by an external force.”

    I’ll save you the academic gibberish and tell you what it’s saying in essence and how it relates to what we’re talking about.

    It’s saying that things are very likely to continue when they are not stopped.

    In the same way people are likely to take you for granted over and over again if you let them.

    Sometimes, it’s not because they necessarily dislike you.

    It has just become a habit; they did it once, and nothing happened, so they continued.

    If the man has never faced consequences for the mistreatment he’s metting on you, he might continue the behavior, believing he can get away with it.

    You can’t be with a man who treats you unfairly, and you don’t protest or leave his life, yet you wonder why he’s still doing it.

    What do you expect?

    He talks down on you like you’re not human, ignores you when you speak, manipulates you, or even bullies and abuses you, yet you do nothing to make him know that his actions will not be tolerated.

    By staying with him, you’re telling him that you’re comfortable with his actions and can live with it.

    It’s like you’re sitting comfortably holding a sign on your head that says, “You can throw your trash here.”

    And a man who feels comfortable enough to mistreat you will take that offer with open arms.

    3. He’s toxic

    when a man mistreats you: things it means

    Even if I can by any chance believe that a man can mistreat you unknowingly, that only happens a very insignificant number of times.

    Most times, they do it knowingly.

    I live by the quote, “People know exactly what they’re doing.”

    I don’t even know who or where the quote originated from, but I agree with it to a great extent. 

    So, while I try to make excuses and allowances for people’s excesses, I also understand that many times, people are just intentionally mean because that’s who they are.

    A man mistreating you very likely means that he’s a badly behaved person. Simple.

    It is important to recognize this because some women beat themselves up and blame themselves when they’re being mistreated, thinking it has something to do with them; perhaps they’re not good enough or made a mistake somewhere.

    Girl, the only mistake you made is choosing to be with that man.

    Some men can be misogynistic and toxic, seeing women as inferiors and thus treating them with contempt and disrespect.

    At its core, his maltreating you stems from a fundamental lack of respect for you as an equal human being.

    Men like this mistreat most, if not all the women in their lives, their partners inclusive.

    It’s not difficult to tell a toxic man; his words, actions, and opinions on stuff give his mindset away.

    For some men, it’s also entitlement, they have a sense of entitlement that drives them to mistreat women, believing they deserve unwavering obedience and service.

    Trashy mindset, I know.

    But that’s how some men think.

    4. He has issues

    A man who mistreats you has issues and the range of possible issues is wide.

    He might be suffering from insecurity and lacking in self-worth.

    Maybe trying to dominate a woman is the only way to bolster his sense of self-worth.

    With such men, you will be oppressed, especially if you’re becoming successful or independent, he’s going to try to clip your wings.

    Another category of men who do this is men with control issues.

    Mr. Dominance only gets to flex his control muscles in the relationship because he’s powerless elsewhere.

    For some men, it’s just a learned behavior; they grew up seeing men who mistreated the women around them, so these men naturally learned.

    Trauma is another culprit; men who have experienced trauma or abuse themselves might replicate this behavior.

    The list of issues men who bully have is endless.

    It could also be that the man is into substance abuse, has mental health issues, or is a victim of negative peer pressure that encourages him to mistreat women.

    All of these can exacerbate aggressive tendencies in a man.

    The thing about these issues I just mentioned is that if a man has them, you don’t have to wait for him to mistreat you, pack your bags, and leave his life because he definitely will eventually.

    5. He’s resentfulwhen a man mistreats you: things it means

    Mistreatment can very much be a direct sequel of resentment.

    The normal way to deal with unresolved issues is to communicate or walk away if they can’t be fixed.

    But some men don’t do that.

    Instead, they choose bullying or violence.

    A man mistreating you can mean that there’s some unresolved anger or conflict between you.

    An interesting twist to this is that the unresolved issue might even be from his past relationships or life circumstances which he just misdirects you.

    Perhaps he was served a very hot unpleasant breakfast (Nigerian parlance for a Heartbreak), and now he wants to seek vengeance on all women.

    Girl, you better run.

    6. He lacks emotional intelligence

    Perhaps he just lacks emotional intelligence and that’s why he’s messing with you.

    He doesn’t have the necessary tools as an adult to express his emotions healthily.

    So he would rather push you around and maltreat you. 

    Perhaps he feels emotionally distant or dissatisfied. 

    7. Unmet needs

    when a man mistreats you: things it means

    He might be treating you badly because he’s frustrated.

    That’s not an excuse (unless of course, you are mistreating him too), but it might just be the reason.

    When a man is being terrible to you, one of the things you should consider is that he’s reacting to an unmet need.

    Unmet emotional or physical needs can cause frustration, which some men may take out on their partners in unhealthy ways.

    The need can be physical or emotional, it could even be the need to feel stable and secure.

    Perhaps he’s jealous or scared that you may leave him or be unfaithful.

    So he resorts to mistreating you.

    8. Narcissism

    Narcissistic behavior or tendencies can lead a man to mistreat you.

    Narcissists prioritize their own needs and desires over their partner’s well-being.

    So hearing that a narcissist is treating his woman unfairly is like hearing that a baby cried, it’s a no-brainer.

    The very nature of narcissists is such that they do not provide healthy and conducive environments for their partners to thrive in.

    9. Cultural influences

    when a man mistreats you: things it means

    A man whose mindset is culturally wired and unbendable is a dangerous man.

    Simply because many societies and cultures have terrible ideologies that people shouldn’t subscribe to.

    For instance, there are cultures where mistreatment of women is allowed or even justified.

    He might just be acting in line with these cultural norms and expectations and “being a man.”

    Sad stuff.

    There are loads of reasons why a man might mistreat a woman. 

    However, the reasons are not as important as what you do about it. 

    You should understand that knowing these underlying issues can help in addressing the root causes and working towards healthier relationships.

    However, you must also know that if you’re experiencing any form of mistreatment, you’re not obligated to keep taking it.

    Be sure to seek support and remember that you deserve respect and love.


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