Wives Who Have Low Self-esteem Always Have These 7 Habits In Marriage - Olubunmi Mabel
Marriage is sweet and beautiful when it is shared with someone you love.
However, even at its finest form, it is still not a child’s play.
Marriage is not a stroll in the park.
It requires dedication, trust, and love.
Sometimes, you will feel like you could never fall out of love with your partner.
Some other times, you wonder what you were even thinking when you decided to marry.
Even the most successful marriages have their highs and lows.
However, it gets even worse when a partner has issues with low self-esteem.
It throws a wrench into the works, making you experience more lows than highs in the marriage, and nobody wants that.
So, let’s see the habits wives with low self-esteem display in marriage.
1. Seeking constant reassurance
Recently, I saw a Twitter post that cracked me up.
Not because it was funny.
It cracked me up because it was silly.
Someone posted about being so self-sufficient that they don’t need anyone’s reassurance.
It sounded silly to me because it is basically impossible to never need reassurance from someone.
My point is that everyone needs reassurance from time to time.
So, don’t start thinking you are insecure because you sometimes ask your husband, “Do you still love me?”
Everyone goes through periods when they doubt how much their partners love them.
However, wives with low self-esteem form seeking reassurance into a habit.
They do it all the time.
They have a constant need for validation that stems from their internal struggles with self-doubt and insecurities.
When someone naturally believes that they are not good enough for you, they will always come to you for reassurance that you still think they are good enough.
The saddest part is that your reassurance can only do little to relieve this feeling of fear and inadequacy.
There is a constant struggle within them, and in no time, her fears will once again overcome your reassurances, and she will be back for more.
I think what causes conflicts most in this kind of relationship is that sometimes the wives don’t come right out to ask for reassurance.
Sometimes, they pitch a fit and pick a fight for no reason.
Or they may ask in a very aggressive manner.
Recognizing that your wife is not looking for a fight but indirectly looking for reassurance will help reduce such conflicts.
2. Jealousy
There is no smoke without fire, right?
Many men complain about how jealous their wives can be and say it like they know women.
They generalize and say, “Women are extremely jealous creatures”.
The fact is that they actually don’t understand women.
Everyone gets jealous when they are in love.
It’s just normal.
However, there is this extreme form of jealousy that can only be caused by insecurity.
That’s the type of jealousy we will be focusing on.
When your wife usually gets threatened by your usual interactions with members of the opposite sex, then there is something wrong.
Why should a regular conversation with a female acquaintance get your wife so angry that she is already insinuating that you are cheating on her?
The simple truth is that she has considered it in her heart that you are too good for her, and for you to have settled for her, you must be having a bit of fun outside the home.
She compares herself unfavorably to whomever you are interacting with and starts feeling that the other lady is a better fit for you.
The saddest part is that she believes you are seeing the same thing.
Hence, the irrational jealousy.
Two years ago, I had a very pretty neighbor.
She is really beautiful, and for just a split second back then, I wondered if I had found my “missing rib.”
She had a boyfriend who spent more time at her place than his.
Because he spent more time with my neighbor, I formed a friendship with the guy.
One day, he revealed how my beautiful neighbor, who could have had her pick of any number of guys, usually monitored his WhatsApp messages.
She read his chats with girls to ensure that he wasn’t cheating on her.
I was shocked because I really didn’t know why such a lady had to be so insecure.
My point is that low self-esteem is not about looks or any other thing.
Some of the most amazing people you know actually feel inadequate.
So, don’t be so shocked when you see your fantastic wife being irrationally jealous over nothing.
It might just be low self-esteem.
3. Indirect communication
The goal of communication is to be understood.
This is why I have never understood why some people have to communicate what’s on their minds indirectly.
Why take a circular path to communicate something when you can be straightforward?
As a kid, I usually associated this with females.
Nigerian ladies have funny ways to communicate.
When a Nigerian lady likes you and wants to know if you have a girlfriend, she won’t ask straight up.
A Nigerian lady will ask stylishly…
“The way you are calling me frequently… hmmm, hope your girlfriend won’t beat me when she catches me?”
That’s her indirect way of knowing if you have a girlfriend.
So, when you say, “No, nobody will beat you because I actually don’t have a girlfriend,” she knows that you are single.
Well, wives who have low self-esteem have the habit of communicating indirectly.
When they need assurance or reassurance, all they need to do is ask.
But what do they do?
A wife who has low self-esteem may sulk, whine, cry, or generally display sadness.
She does all of these in an attempt to elicit support without having to directly confront their feelings.
Sometimes, husbands don’t realize this because they actually don’t read minds.
So, something very little may degenerate into an intense conflict.
4. Not prioritizing their well-being
We all know how people love to celebrate selfless wives.
“Ooh, have you met Ruth? She is such a selfless wife. Even when she is sick, she still does house chores”…
I am sure you may have heard people compliment someone along these lines, making it look like being a good wife equals you not prioritizing your well-being.
While I agree that being a wife may require some selflessness, it shouldn’t be so extreme that you constantly sacrifice your well-being.
Finding it difficult to prioritize your well-being and needs is a major sign of low self-esteem.
Wives with low self-esteem have become adept at convincing themselves that their needs don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
Hence, they always go out of their way to satisfy their husbands’ needs, often at their own expense.
If you have noticed that your wife consistently does everything for you at the expense of her needs, you need to balance the equation.
If she tends to suppress her desires, it is your duty as her husband to encourage her to express them.
Don’t be the kind of husband that wants to receive all the time.
Ask her for what she wants and get them for her.
That way, you gradually engrave it in her heart that her well-being is equally important to you.
5. She says “sorry” all the time
Growing up, I used to find it hard to say “sorry.”
It sounded like an admission of wrongdoing.
Now, I realize that the ability to admit you are wrong is a sign of maturity.
However, some people apologize all the time.
Even when they are not wrong.
They usually say they are just doing it to keep the peace.
But sometimes, it makes me wonder.
Are they really peace-loving, or do they feel the need to apologize always?
Some wives belong to the latter class.
They have developed the habit of always apologizing, even for basic everyday activities.
If your wife always apologizes for everything that happens, even those that are beyond her control and those that you should be apologizing for, it is a sign that she has low self-esteem.
Wives with low self-esteem develop this habit of apologizing because of a lack of self-confidence.
It is important that you learn how to apologize to your wife when you should.
And even when she apologizes for something she shouldn’t be apologizing, let her know the truth.
Don’t just accept the apology.
When you accept it, you are also reinforcing the negative image she has of herself.
6. Clinginess
That urge to always spend quality time with the one you love…
I know it.
It can be quite strong.
But maturity is knowing that you can’t be with your partner all the time.
However, wives who have low self-esteem usually have a deep-seated fear of abandonment that infuses them with this irrational need to always be with their husbands.
They have the tendency to become clingy, barely able to let their husbands out of their sight.
They want to be always around their husbands, and even when he is away, they tend to bombard him with calls and texts.
I had a friend who used to be just like this.
We weren’t even dating or anything but she had this idea in her head that one day, we will.
She would pester me with calls and texts, and when I didn’t pick up or reply fast, she would get angry.
Really, it can be tiring.
But you can only help yourself by helping her, my dear man.
So, talk to her.
Express how much you love her as frequently as possible.
Encourage her to develop interesting hobbies or discover something purposeful she can do with her time.
This will keep her occupied while both of you have time to address the underlying self-esteem issues.
7. Inability to make decisions herself
One of the most attractive things about adulthood to me is the fact that I can make my decisions without much interference.
However, some adults still have issues making decisions themselves.
If your wife is one of them, it could be a sign that she has low self-esteem issues.
Wives who have low self-esteem may always demonstrate a need for their husbands’ approval all the time.
Their self-worth is tied to their husbands’ approval, and they just cannot seem to make any decisions without his input.
If your wife seems to have issues making decisions, even the minor ones like what to wear to an event or what to make for dinner, it could be a sign of low self-esteem.
Especially if this happens all the time.
I mean, it’s a different ball game if it occurs occasionally.
However, when it becomes the order of the day, it is a sign of low self-esteem issues.
Here, we have them…
The habits of wives who have low self-esteem.
It’s not just enough to list those habits, we also need to explore how to create a loving environment that addresses their self-esteem issues.
The most important thing any husband can do is to keep on speaking positive words to his wife.
Words hurt a lot, especially when they come from those we love.
Hence, it is important that husbands choose their words carefully.
You can also encourage your wife’s participation in decision-making.
Ask for her opinion and ensure that you express how much you value them.
Apart from this, being supportive as she explores solutions to her underlying self-esteem issues is important.
You could make time out to attend counseling with her.
This goes a long way to ensuring she knows how much she means to you.
Finally, do not be weary of reassuring her of your love for her.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
She won’t just improve in a day.
Be patient as you help her through this journey to being a woman who is comfortable in her skin.
I am rooting for you!
