How To Be True To Yourself When Dating (Guest Post) | Selina Almodovar
(This guest post was written by Kim Mulvaney!)
As a young woman who has gone through the trials and tribulations of dating, let me just say to all you single female readers I FEEL FOR YOU.
With (at times seemingly) poor choices in the dating world and pressure from friends and family to “meet a man” it can be really hard to stay true to yourself.
As women, I think we tend to second guess ourselves thinking we are being too picky or our standards are too high. There must be something wrong with us, and the temptation to lower our standards or settle for less than what we deserve increases as we meet dud after dud.
As a now happily married woman who has dated for several years prior to meeting my hubs, I say to you all that you deserve much more than just settling!
Unfortunately, societal standards these days are changed from what they used to be. Poor behavior on someone’s part is now viewed as acceptable, like drinking too much on a date or trying to take things physically too far too soon.
As a Christian woman in the dating scene, it is really hard to embrace these “modern day” norms.
So how does a Christian woman find happiness in today’s dating scene?
It starts with being true to yourself, no matter what type of push-back or criticism you may receive.
Never Compromise Your Values
Something women often hear who are not finding success with dating is, “Maybe you’re being too picky?”
Though there is some weight to this statement, never feel that you have to compromise your values.
Nobody is perfect, but if someone is pressuring you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with then that’s not being too picky; that’s setting healthy boundaries.
The media leads us to believe that it is perfectly acceptable to become intimate with any old Joe-Shmo. It’s part of that whole modern-day-empowered-woman mentality that society promotes. Yes, we are blessed that in today’s society woman have the right to make their own choices, but that does not mean being intimate with just anybody is a good decision.
It is very likely that you will experience pressure from a man to do things you are not comfortable with. Stand. Your. Ground.
If a man does not have the integrity or patience to wait until you are ready to do something, then he certainly is not a man worthy of sharing those experiences with you.
Intimacy is not the only area you may be pressured to compromise your values. Someone may question your religious beliefs, career choice, or even your choice of friends. As long as you are not causing harm to yourself or anyone else, then do not let another person dictate the way you choose to live your life.
Do not push your passions aside to please a man. If you have chosen a career of service rather than one that focuses on a high income, don’t let someone tell you that it is wrong or impractical.
If someone thinks you are being too much of a prude because of your spiritual beliefs, then you two certainly are not going to see eye-to-eye on a sleuth of other topics.
Not agreeing with someone on these things is ok! It doesn’t mean you are wrong or they are wrong; it just means you’re not meant to be. Remember that just because there are two decent human beings that are single, it doesn’t mean that is who God has created for you to share your life with.
Stay True To Your Passions
This is something frequently seen in the dating world. Though less weighty than the compromise of intimate and religious beliefs, it is something to note. We often see people change their interests and passions for whoever they are with. Sometimes this comes out in small ways, like changing your favorite football team to one he likes or changing your style of clothing to something he finds more attractive.
For the most part, these changes can be harmless but do be mindful as to why you are making these changes.
Don’t spend your hard-earned money on a whole new wardrobe that caters to a certain style of clothing (that you don’t even like) just to please someone. If someone loves to go out and party every weekend but you would rather stay home snuggled up watching a movie on the couch, then don’t feel like you have to become some kind of party girl so he will think you are fun.
If you are constantly changing things to make him happy, then you probably will end up pretty miserable.
It’s hard not to go with the status quo. We all want to be liked. And to be loved. I bet we all know that girl who can get anybody that she wants.
Do you really want to be someone that every guy wants? It’s been said if you don’t have any enemies then you probably have not ever stood up for anything. Shouldn’t this apply to dating?
You want to attract the right guy for you, not just any guy. Don’t desire to be like the girl everybody wants. Why would you want to be anybody else when you get to be the one and only awesome you?!
In dating, we do need to find a compromise.
Sometimes you should do things he likes to make him happy, and vice versa. This totally carries over into married life, so might as well get used to compromise now! It is when we feel we have to change our passions and lifestyle into something that is totally unfamiliar to us that this becomes a problem.
Be Honest With Yourself
We know ourselves better than anyone else. We know our strongest beliefs, passions, and interests. Often times in dating I think women know when a relationship just isn’t right, but for some reason, it’s hard to end things. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and are afraid of change or hurting his feelings. Perhaps you feel desperate (it’s ok, we’ve all been there!) and just want someone to make you happy, so you settle for something that doesn’t quite feel right.
We have to be honest with ourselves in dating and realize when a relationship has run its course.
Dating takes trial and error.
It’s the process that helps us to see what we want and need in a partner. Try not to be discouraged when you have multiple failed dating attempts.
Finding a life partner takes time, introspection, and self-awareness. If something doesn’t feel right, pray about it and ask God to guide you in the right direction. No relationship is perfect, but when something simply doesn’t feel right then don’t ignore it. Listen to God’s guidance. He knows what is best for us even more than we do!
Realize Your Worth!
It sure can be brutal out there! No matter how difficult or hopeless finding love may seem at times, we must be true to ourselves.
Never compromise your values, stay true to the interests and passions that make up the amazing you, and be honest with yourself when something doesn’t feel quite right.
Dating is tough, so let God be present in your dating life.
He is the absolute certain way to our happiest lives. When in doubt, pray it out!
One last loving note for you all: remember your worth! God created you as an intelligent, gifted, soul-filled woman. You are deserving of a man who respects your unique beauty, and the wonderful combination of attributes that only you possess. There is nobody else on this earth like you! Be still and trust in The Lord. The right man will be worth the wait!
More about Kim Mulvaney
Hi all! I’m Kim, a simple girl from the heartland. I have a love for the slow-paced country lifestyle, my amazing husband and sweet chocolate lab, and Jesus who’s provided me with all these blessings. My purpose with this blog is to share tid-bits about God’s glory so you may be encouraged to pursue Him through gratitude for life’s beauty and simple living.
Throughout my 20’s, I have pursued education and careers in the healthcare field. I always knew I wanted a career of service, helping people to live their best lives. However, writing is something that I have always felt called to do. I have come to realize that when we put God first and allow Him to work in every aspect of our lives, our lives undoubtedly improve in many ways. I have created my blog Simply Filled so others may be encouraged to live a better life by pursuing a life with God and simple living.
To learn more about Kim, visit her blog by clicking here!
