In this post, I am going to talk about what most accurately defines a man. First of all, men and women are valuable, simply because they are created human beings. Both the male and female, were created in the image of God (Genesis 5: 1-2).
Regardless of the secular perspective, a man’s worth has nothing to do with his bank account, his assets, or his public reputation. In the eyes of society, a man’s corporate success, athletic performance, and popularity with women have become determining factors for his worth.
Again, this is in the eyes of society that a man’s accomplishments, possessions, and popularity with women determine his worth and status. Where did this line of thinking come from? There has to be an initial place and time it began. This perspective is not from God. Yet, this line of thinking has carried on from generation to generation.
Where does a person’s integrity come into the picture? Why focus so much on public image? What about a person’s private character, and what is done behind the scenes? Who is watching what is done in secret? Who cares about what is done in secret?
It is far, far easier for a person to master job skills or sports than to master his or her own will and actions.
Therefore, attention has often been kept off of righteous character for a man. Focus was placed on his public image as a skilled laborer, performer, athlete, etc. Womanizing is more pleasurable and brag-worthy to the misguided person than being morally upright.
Even though attention was placed on a man’s assets moreso than his character, women were typically still expected to behave themselves, and act with integrity. This would reflect back nicely on their husbands. It would benefit her husband if she was a woman of integrity as well as looking beautiful and being sexually available for him.
The man often is expected to be a material provider. That’s great, but is that all? What about character? Shouldn’t the expectation be that he is well connected to his wife’s heart? And vice versa? Showing off riches and being held in high esteem feeds one’s pride. It is easier, appeals to the flesh, and is an ego booster to prioritize worldly accomplishments and having a lot of women than it is to turn from sin.
Plenty women have fallen for this, too. Lots of women have looked for a man of prestige and wealth, since they had to depend on him for just about every thing. Fast forward to today, and many women are still falling for this deception.
This is despite the fact that lots of women have many more opportunities than previously. With education and numerous opportunities, they do not have to rely on men in an unhealthy way nowadays.
Obviously, a man should have a provider mentality, and provide sufficiently for himself and those under his care. However, his character is what should matter most to a woman; not his title, position, accomplishments, material assets, or physical appearance. If his character is right, he will provide to the best of his ability anyways.
A woman’s motives and heart must be right, in order for her to prioritize a man’s character over his material assets.
Righteous character is what matters in the sight of God. People tend to look at the superficial; at the surface appearance, but God looks at the heart.
“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16: 7
Many love and crave power and prestige. Title, position, and performance can get them there. The Holy Spirit, however, is needed to transform the heart and mind.
Only the Holy Spirit can empower the born-again person to live a holy life. No man or woman can live a holy life in their own strength. Therefore, many have chosen the “easy” way. It is easier to in one’s own strength to accomplish worldly fame and success, than for them to repent of wickedness and obey God.
Consequently, worldly focus and the pressure is commonly placed mostly on net worth, performance, and public image, instead of on righteousness. The admiration of many has commonly been based on their corporate success, athletic performance, material assets, and the length of their scoreboard.
One reason integrity is lacking so much is because people generally can act however they want and still get their needs met and desires fulfilled. Also, the fear of God is non-existent for some people.
What incentive is there to do what is right, when many people do not fear God, and are rewarded for their bad behavior?
For example, if girls or women don’t know what to look for or what to expect in the right partner, they tend to have very low standards and low expectations when it comes to a man’s character. At the same time, in these situations many women have high tolerance for bad behavior in their partner.
For some women, tall dark, handsome, and being funny are high priority traits for their desired partner. Others desire a jock, a man with a big bank account, or a bad boy. Some women do not have enough healthy self-love or integrity themselves, in order to set the right standards, boundaries, and choose their partner wisely.
Lots of ladies have not understood that a man’s character is a much better and more accurate indicator of his worth, than any of his possessions or accomplishments are. For this reason, some women have been choosing partners for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, the consequences for such choices are devastating.
The demand for decency has been low. Consequently, the supply of decency is low. There is a deficit in quality potential partners for women. Women cannot change anyone, but women can influence by living righteously, and holding others accountable to God’s righteousness.
• If the majority of women did not make themselves available to men who don’t measure up to reasonable and holy standards, this means the men would have to go without women.
• In other words, raise the bar, he should level up, or have to go without the ones he desires most -women.
• If the majority of women did this, we would see very necessary changes take place. Plenty men would shape up. Why would they shape up?
For even the most stiff-necked, untrained and stubborn man: if he desires a woman, he will shape up pretty quickly, if his ONLY options are to get right, or go without a woman.
If a desperate woman gives a man everything he wants without having boundaries, he’s likely going to misbehave. If she doesn’t have proper standards and boundaries, what incentive is there for him not to misbehave, especially when he doesn’t fear God?
Instead of realizing their worth, some women continue to settle for less in order to have a man. Thus, these kinds of women have been the enablers and sustainers of those men who lack integrity.
It should be understood that a woman does not have to try to change a man, and she shouldn’t try to change him. She does not have to wait around forever, for him to change. She should be willing to walk away from him in order to avoid settling for less.
Instead of trying to change him, she influences him with her behavior, her standards, and boundaries. She can be reasonably patient and give him a space of time to do right. However, she should also be willing to keep it moving at the appropriate time, if necessary.
May God strengthen and help us ladies to do the right thing: to become Ms. Right in His sight, and to never settle for Mr. Wrong, who lacks integrity. I cannot measure one’s worth by their monetary value, possessions, or relationship status. Their worth is in who God says they are and in their integrity.
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”
– Mark 8: 36
Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.