Well, it depends. No matter his social status, and the game he runs, a woman should focus on a man’s character when determining if he is the right man. This is regardless of appealing words that he may speak to her.
Character is most important, even if her biological clock is ticking; even if he is very appealing aesthetically. It is good not to be focused only on someone’s success or appearance. Even if he is wanted by many other women, his character is the most important thing.
Sometimes when a woman feels secure, the sense of security is an illusion.
I believe some women are looking for security and are mistakenly believing that by having a man and sharing his assets, it will make them secure. A relationship status other than single does not guarantee that a woman is secure.
Some women seem to believe that by being in the relationship, it means security. This is not necessarily true. The relationship must be safe and healthy. The man should be a good quality man as well. However, some women are easily side-tracked by charm and material things.
In addition, some girls and women are attracted to thugs, cockiness, swag, bad boy image and other superficialities. It is common for some women to be well established, but they will allow a moocher into their life, just to have the man around. Sometimes, they feel sorry for him and allow those sympathetic emotions to dictate their actions.
Also, a woman may be too distracted by non-essentials to really get to know the actual person she is dealing with. There are girls and women who focus on a man’s social prominence and wealth. Plenty women have been known to go for a man who they perceive as cool or exciting.
Prioritizing any other traits above integrity is dangerous, risky business!
• I keep seeing and hearing reports of women being slain by their boyfriends, husbands, and random men. There are men who have a wife or girlfriend who put a hit on them or kill them.
• Some women are dating football players who hit them and throw them around like a football. No football player or any other person is so exciting or cool that a woman should have to deal with or up with that.
• Women are being slain for lack of wisdom, lack of knowledge, and lack of caution.
• I often wonder what draws these poor women to the men they choose to be with.
• I also wonder what causes them to stay. However, I understand there are many factors involved. It is complicated.
In addition to this, some women are still very carefree in how they live. Many are too trusting. No one should assume the worst about someone, but everyone should live carefully, and hopefully prayerfully. All should be aware of the kind of world we live in.
I don’t understand sometimes what women see in the abusive men and unhealthy relationships that they are in. I sympathize. I know it is complicated, and there are many reasons women become involved with dangerous men and remain in their unhealthy relationship. To have healthy reasons for wanting to be with someone in the first place will help women make more wise decisions.
The place a woman’s desires come from should be a healthy place. She should have self-respect and knowledge of her worth, independent of being in a relationship.
Having healthy self-esteem will help a woman raise her expectations and have the right standards. Sadly, many lack confidence and knowledge of their worth. Some women are still quite preoccupied with a man’s social status and assets. Other women are lonely, needy, and just don’t want to be single.
Wealthy men often have characteristics that women find appealing as well, such as confidence, cockiness, charm, popularity, etc. All wealthy men are not the same. There are (hallelujah) certainly wealthy men of integrity.
Regardless, it is good when women learn to look deeper and really take their time with a man. It is helpful to be very cautious of men who are obsessed with respect, power, and recognition. Power-hungry men tend not to be ideal partners. Still, these types of men are often the most successful, and they are attractive to many women.
These men are often sought after by plenty women. It makes sense that a woman desires a man who will provide. However, character is still the principle thing. When a man’s character is right, he will provide to the very best of his ability anyway.
Why do many women fall for men who are obsessed with power and recognition?
There are different reasons. Commonly, this type of man will be pursuing a noble position, or will already be in that noble position. He is a big shot. He may be a man of prestige. Some women believe that this means security.
Prestige is very attractive to the masses of women. A prudent woman should not go for a man because of status or assets. Some rich men (not all) use their money to control women, and feel entitled to refuse to commit to one woman.
Women typically are looking for security, but true security is not defined by a man’s material possessions and public reputation. True security is not necessarily the result of being in a relationship or marriage either. Security is found ultimately in the Lord. Security also means there is safety. A relationship should be safe and healthy.
A man could have a lot of money in the bank and be surrounded by material assets. At the same time, he could be mentally and spiritually unsound. He could be violent. I understand I must carefully examine my motives when it comes to my desires. This includes my desire to be with any particular man. My aim should be to glorify God in what I do.
“And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” Colossians 3: 17.
There are genuine people, and there are counterfeits. People must be vetted.
There are many noble people in noble positions. At the same time, wherever the real deal is, there will also be counterfeits. There are also people who are not noble, but they are in a noble title. This is why we have to be careful about our motives, be discerning, and not focus too much on outer appearances.
For example, thank God for the brave men and women who are in the medical field, the military, and are first responders! Thank God for our leaders. Still, we can find pastors, military service people, various types of first responders including law enforcement, celebrities, leaders, and people from all walks of life who lack integrity. Yet, they have an exterior of nobility and greatness.
Some people in each title or position I have mentioned have killed their intimate partner or spouse. Some abuse their partner (s) in various ways. Some are frauds. Many cheat on their spouse or partner. Yet, they are often able to keep up an admirable exterior to outsiders, and many find them very respectable and desirable.
This is why prayer, having the right motives, and getting to know the character of someone is so important. Skimming the surface is not sufficient. Some people fall in love with someone’s talents and accomplishments. They fantasize about a position, a title, or status.
As they say, everything that glitters is not gold. Some people learn this the hard way.
Many women love a man in uniform. However, who is really inside the uniform? Some women have ended up in miserable and dangerous relationships, because they were smitten with a title, position, or uniform.
No one is perfect. The reality is, there are some great people out there doing great things. They don’t live a double life, and are indeed imperfect. There are other people who are able to keep up an admirable facade. They do live a double life. They seem more concerned with public recognition and reputation than they are with true character.
What is my motive for wanting to be with someone? Motive can influence selection and outcome.
Some women generally love a man in a position of power. It is sometimes the case that they don’t realize who they are really dealing with. The wise thing to do is to prayerfully vet people. Be observant and discerning. Having pure motives helps a lot. We live in a dangerous world, and there are some dangerous people.
Still, not all people are dangerous. There are more than enough who are dangerous though. A woman never knows when she may encounter someone dangerous. Plenty women and girls do encounter very dangerous people. Just turn on the local news.
It is important not to be carefree. The goal should never be to simply be in a relationship but the relationship should be healthy and safe. It is good not to be too preoccupied with personal preferences, with someone’s preoccupation, or with what possessions they have. Instead, the focus should be on their character. Prayer is key.
I repeat this principle, because many girls and women are still going for traits besides integrity. What someone has or the position they hold is not nearly as important as who that person actually is. Are they a person of integrity? It is their character that matters most.
Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.