Can Marriage Cure Lust? - Impacting Righteously

In this post, I won’t be discussing God-given, natural sexual desire that a husband and wife feel toward each other. Instead, I am referring to the spirit of lust. I’m referring to extreme, unnatural and insatiable sexual appetite. I’m speaking of perversion. If someone has this problem or if they know of these problems in a potential spouse, these are big red flags.

It is important to recognize that this is a major red flag before proceeding into marriage. If a man or woman has a lust problem or are involved with a partner who suffers from the spirit of lust, it should not be assumed that the lust will somehow automatically go away after marriage.

God is holy. He expects His sons and daughters to be holy also.

“God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

1 Thessalonians 4: 7-8 (NLT).

“But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1: 15-16 (NLT).

• Just because people are married does not mean it will cancel out any pre-existing lust or sexual perversion issues.

• When people are married it does not mean that everything they can possibly do in their bedroom classifies as holy and undefiled.

• It is not realistic to believe that a lust problem can be automatically cured by being married.

• It is not fair or realistic that one spouse should automatically be expected to be the solution to the other spouse’s lust problem.

No…marriage itself can’t cure lust.

What will a supposed “cure” for lust after marriage entail anyway? Embracing one’s lack of self-control with their spouse and expecting the spouse to be available at all times to satisfy perverted or insatiable needs? Is this “curing” the lust? No. It doesn’t work that way.

Depending on marriage to cure lust is an attempt to avoid personal accountability and the responsibility to control oneself. If a person has sexual addiction, no amount of sexual availability from their partner will be completely satisfying to them.

Therefore, if someone’s appetite could not be satisfied before marriage with many partners, how will it be satisfied by their spouse after marriage? If one spouse is expected to conform to and satisfy the insatiable and perverted needs of the other, this is an unfair burden and unrealistic expectation.

It is important to as much as possible discuss any kind of expectations concerning intimacy before marriage. It may sound awkward or inappropriate, but it is necessary to get some kind of insight into it beforehand. Perhaps, this could be done during marriage counseling.

There is no reason to gloss over this important issue and then be unpleasantly surprised and not in agreement after marriage. It is unfortunate that the church is generally so quiet about these matters. The discussions don’t have to include too many specific details. They could be spoken of in a general sense.

I am not referring to natural, God-given desire. I understand the need for a husband and wife to have regular intimacy. Husbands and wives will typically have different levels of sexual desire.

However, lust is never satisfied. In fact, it only increases. The more it is fed, the more it grows and gets out of control.

The person suffering from a spirit of lust needs spiritual deliverance. The power of God is able to set someone free.

Remember, self-control is fruit of the Holy Spirit. One Christian should not be marrying another person who is not also a Christian. Any kind of therapy for sex addiction or perversion on a professional level will likely be somewhat effective.

However, the real solution will be a spiritual solution, because a lust problem is a spiritual problem. Therefore, it must be dealt with on a spiritual level. Lust often has roots in some kind of trauma, abuse, generational sin and tendencies, and/or exposure to explicit sexual materials.

Some people have been attacked and violated as children. Others were exposed to online pornography or dirty movies and magazines at a young age. In fact, they could have been exposed to explicit sexual material or attacked at any age. This is sad. People in these situations are victims themselves.

Typically, some kind of event has taken place to open the door for their spiritual problems, including lust or perversion. The event (s) will create a fertile environment for a perversion problem to take root and flourish.

All the efforts in the world of one spouse cannot take away the sexual sins of the other spouse.

• It is not the fault of a husband or wife if their spouse has a lust problem. One should never blame themselves.

• Having more sex with one’s spouse will not cure perversion. Lust cannot be satisfied.

• God-given desire for sexual intimacy with one’s spouse is completely different than having a spirit of lust.

• One may believe that he or she is not good enough, or that they have somehow caused their spouse’s lust problem, but it is that person’s own demons that they must overcome.

• If someone has a problem with infidelity, pornography, or any other sexual issues before marriage, those problems will remain after marriage, until or unless that person is delivered from their bondage.

• For the man or woman who has a lust problem, there is freedom available for them.

Still, a person must desire to be free from the spirit of perversion and lust, in order to be freed. With God, all things are possible.

Thank God for His healing and restoring power! There is no need to feel condemnation. However, feeling conviction is necessary. Repentance is necessary. God is a God of love and compassion.

He is in the business of forgiveness and setting captives free. Fortunately, those who have believed on the name of Jesus Christ, accepted the gift of salvation, and are born-again have God’s Spirit inside them.

The Holy Spirit of God is able to drive out and cancel out evil, including the spirit of lust.

“Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.

 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,you will live. 

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.” Romans 8: 12 -14 (NLT).