Words are powerful. People can be very slick with their words. This is something that is learned and some people become experts at it. They become experts at manipulating minds and controlling people with their words. They know just what to say and which people to say those things to. Men should be careful around women who use their pretty faces, sexuality and their words to seduce.
For women dating, the only problem may not be a lack of good quality men available. Instead, it could also be a matter of the woman’s poor judgment. It could be the case that one particular man is the right match for a woman, but she prefers another man, or other men who are not good for her. Sometimes, she may prefer these men who are not good for her because of their charm and crafty words.
This is not to say that quality men and women are not more scarce. Nowadays, it can be quite a task to find and maintain healthy relationships with people in general. However, there are women who have certain personal preferences that may wind them up in not so ideal situations with the men they choose. Deception is rampant. Words are often used to deceive.
Some people are in fraudulent relationships.
• One rather common example is a much younger woman becoming involved with a much older man simply for his money. Yet, he might be smitten with her.
• Another example of this is when a man is actually interested in men, but he is using the woman to appear as a conventional man. These types of men date women and sometimes even marry them. Yet, they are dealing with other men secretly.
How does a woman end up in such a situation? Unfortunately, deception is common. It is often difficult for some women to recognize fraud, including relationship fraud.
Some women are taken captive by words
I can listen to what someone says, but I must guard my heart and my body- no matter how much I like what is being said to me. There is too much at stake otherwise. A woman may be attracted to a fraudulent person for a number of reasons, including loneliness, co-dependency, low self-esteem, his title, his assets, or possessions, etc.
It could be that a woman falls for a fraudulent man simply because of his way with words. Many young ladies and some women in general are very attracted to what they hear. There are (often young) women who are attracted to various types of dangerous men.
Some have been taken captive by the smooth, alluring words of those men. In addition, being programmed to believe that unhealthy masculinity is real and healthy masculinity can influence a woman to be attracted to a dangerous man. This is where the term toxic masculinity comes from, although some people seem to be offended by it.
Masculinity is good. Thank God for it! Masculinity is not toxic in and of itself. Some people’s wrong interpretations of what masculinity means and the consequent social “norms” formed, which encouraged male promiscuity, excessive violence, sexual aggression toward women (pornography, for example) and other negative behaviors and characteristics in some men have been the problem.
Some girls and women, along with boys and men have been deceived into believing that those behaviors and characteristics are normal and healthy for men. Some believe that they are “masculine” characteristics and behaviors. This is a false portrayal of masculinity that some men and women continue to embrace. The devil is in the details.
There are times red flags are waving, but sometimes, a woman’s attraction is based more on what she is hearing than what she is seeing or experiencing otherwise. Yet, actions, especially over time, are always a much greater and better indicator than words alone. A post on the importance of ladies focusing on actions more than words can be found here.
One of the greatest weapons used against women is words. This has been the case throughout history. Clever words spoken can manipulate a woman’s mind and negatively affect her judgement and her actions.
A lot of young girls and some women are attracted so much by what they hear. This is well known to many. Therefore, words have been used to deceive, manipulate, and control women. I have heard women state in hindsight that their problematic partners had all the right things to say to lure them in. The crafty words were bait that had attracted these women to their partners and hooked them. This is a big problem. I must not be carried away by words. It is a common mistake some women and girls make.
- If I rely primarily on someone’s words, I may hear something I like and forget to pray.
- I might hear something I like to hear and forget to be cautious.
- This is instead of being discerning and prayerfully watching for actions over extended periods of time to make sure they back up the appealing words being spoken.
By the time some women realize they are being played, they have already given their hearts and their bodies away to men. I wonder how many women are attracted a great deal to a man based largely on what he is saying, compared to being attracted to him based primarily or solely on looks?
I do believe looks are important to many women, but I don’t know many who are willing to jump right in bed with a man based solely on his looks, without stimulating conversation. Enticing words are often one of the biggest sources of appeal. Still, some girls and women don’t want to wait too long to give their bodies. A woman may believe that by giving her body sexually, it will keep the man around.
Free will, wisdom, caution and self-respect work well together, regardless of one’s religious beliefs.
I understand and respect the fact that not every woman is a Christian, so not every woman will wait for marriage to have sex with her man. Even women who are Christians make mistakes and some will end up giving away their bodies before marriage.
Still, there are other women who have no such convictions when it comes to waiting for marriage. Regardless, I want to point out that it can spare any woman a lot of heartache if she will hold off giving away her body.
Women produce way more oxytocin and tend to bond more quickly and intensely than men typically do. This includes when having sex.
Many men are already checked out emotionally because they were never checked in, and can just walk away from sexcapades and be on a mission for their next “conquest.” I don’t believe girls and women typically are warned properly and given information about how different they are than men tend to be, in this regard. A lot of this has to do with socialization.
In addition to sharing with them about actions and consequences, it would also benefit girls and women to be warned proactively about how they are likely to become hooked on a man through having sex with him, while he likely will not become attached at all.
Based on some research and observations, I will point out a primary reason I think women can become so attached, even to men who are toxic. I do believe oxytocin plays a large role in this . On average, women produce way more oxytocin than men and oxytocin is reportedly called the “love hormone.”
It is the hormone that helps people bond, creates trust and reportedly increases pleasure intensity. I personally believe this is one reason why so many women can’t extricate themselves from the men that they know are not good to them or for them. I think it is often because they are having sex with them or have had sex with them, then become bonded to them. See why it is so important to guard our bodies? See why God created sex to happen within a marriage?
In addition to producing less oxytocin, boys tend not to be encouraged to embrace emotional connection and bonding. Even if they did desire these things, some most likely have felt the need to put up their tough fronts and repress certain emotions, based on how they are socialized. They are instead encouraged to get notches on their belts by our society, and many seek affirmation that way.
Of course, there may be exceptions, but I am describing the scenarios that are common. Even still, I know things are continuously changing and some women have a much more casual attitude about sex nowadays. If a man leaves because a woman has not given him her body yet, she should be happy to see him leave.
He cannot take the woman’s dignity with him. At least it is no loss, but a gain when the man who is not right for a woman leaves her because he cares mainly about one thing, but she didn’t give him that one thing. I believe plenty men are fully aware of how attached some women become to them because of sex and for other reasons and some take advantage of this.
When a woman has not given her body to a man, she is much less likely to become so attached to him.
When things end between her and a man, the hurt should not be nearly as severe as it would be, if she already had given him her body. Consequently, the whole ordeal should not be so difficult. A woman’s judgment likely won’t be as clouded if she has not given her body to a man. The hurt shouldn’t be as intense, making it easier to let go of the unhealthy situation if she has not been sexually involved with a man.
The pain will be much less severe if she just walks away without having invested too much of herself in him. Recovery time should be shorter and more simple. She hopefully can move forward optimistically, with her dignity in tact.
The points I am making and the messages I am sending are contradictory to many messages we receive from society. Some girls and women even encourage their lady pals to sleep with a man to keep him around. Hurry up and give it up before he gets tired of waiting and leaves, is the idea. If he leaves, the woman should be glad, knowing another pointless relationship has been eliminated.
Some music and movies send messages that life for a woman is basically about getting a man and keeping a man. Messages in some music tell women to give themselves sexually to a man after he spends money on them, and in order to keep him around. As if they are street workers.
*As women, healthy relationship begins with our relationship with God, our mothers, for sure, and our fathers.
This helps with our self-esteem. It relates to a healthy relationship with self. A lot of girls and women come from situations that sadly caused them to have very low self-esteem. Consequently, many seek validation from men and often end up in very bad situations.
The truth of the matter is that a woman will need to love herself before she is able to have a healthy perspective about other relationships and have high standards accordingly. When a woman loves herself in a healthy way, she values herself and desires a healthy relationship. Not just any relationship will do.
It would have to be with the right man who treats her correctly as well. She must know her worth in order to safeguard her heart and body. This way, she is saving both for the man who has worked to prove his love for her.
He further proves he is a good catch by loving her faithfully, and walking her down the wedding aisle before she gives her body to him. For those ladies who have given themselves to a man (or men), only to have their heart broken, God is able to heal hearts.
He is able to lead, guide and protect. God is love. God is holy, He is real love, pure love, and He is merciful. When we confess our faults, He will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1: 8-9.
 Renewyouth.com. “Oxytocin In Women.”
Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.