God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Christians are quick to judge faithful spouses as “bitter” without pausing to consider another–more likely–origin of such strong anger: Injustice. To be angry at injustice is a good and godly response to have. It is not “bitterness” but … Continue reading "Bitterness or anger over injustice?"
Faithful spouse, remember who made this mess! If you are like many of us, you will be tempted to take on responsibility for fixing the relationship blown up by your partner’s infidelity. Please, don’t! The only way the relationship can be repaired is by the person who blew it up in the first place. Sadly, … Continue reading "Remember who made the mess!"
The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth. -Proverbs 12:22, NLT Yes, THAT devious! I doubt I am the only one who struggled to believe my (now) ex-wife was that devious. It is kind of baked into a healthy marriage that we give each other the benefit of the … Continue reading "Believe it. THAT devious!"
“‘But here is how I will answer you,’ he told them. ‘Any man who sends his wife away and marries another is guilty of being unfaithful to her, unless she was the one who was not faithful.'” -Matthew 19:9, First Nations Version: An Indigenous Translation of the New Testament I love reading Bible verses in … Continue reading "Matthew 19:9 – First Nations Version"
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” -Matthew 23:27, NKJV I have noticed a common phenomenon with cheaters and their families of origin. Often times, they come from families that have an appearance of … Continue reading "No substance behind that picture."
“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV (from The Ten Commandments) Fact: Cheaters are marriage flunkies. One of the most basic lessons in Christian marriage is adhering to this classic and consistent prohibition regarding sex with marriage outsiders. Cheaters have–spectacularly, in some cases–flunked this most basic of marriage lessons. Yet for some reason, … Continue reading "Fact: Cheaters flunked marriage."
Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. -Ephesians 1:4, NLT I love the feeling of being “wanted” or “needed” by someone. It is the feeling of knowing your love and attention are welcomed and desired. How about you? I … Continue reading "You ARE wanted!"
Carl Lentz, former Hillsong pastor, is in the news these days because he and his wife, Laura Lentz, participated in a FX and HULU documentary “The Secrets of Hillsong.” Lentz was caught in an “affair”–more on this later–that eventually resulted in his termination from the church. He and his wife are still married. This “affair” … Continue reading "Carl Lentz–disgraced former Hillsong pastor–in the news again"
Where are the “Christian Adultery Prevention Seminars?” Sure, there are plenty of “affair-proofing” marriage seminars. But I am talking about the sort of seminars where pastors talk about adultery and taking personal responsibility for one’s own sins. Instead of talking about the horrors of divorce–like pretty much every pre-marital book I read does–why not talk … Continue reading “Where are all the “Adultery Prevention Seminars?””
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, KJV Too often, adultery is treated as a private matter between the faithful … Continue reading “Adultery impacts the community”
“It was also written that this message would be proclaimed in the authority of his name to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent.’” -Luke 24:47, NLT (emphasis mine) Is God’s forgiveness for all? As I was preparing for this Sunday’s sermon, this verse jumped out at … Continue reading “Is God’s forgiveness for everyone?”
It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance…. 7 When the ground soaks up the falling rain and bears a good crop for the farmer, it has God’s blessing. 8 But if a field bears thorns and thistles, it is useless. The farmer will soon condemn that field and burn it. -Hebrews 6:6b, 7-8, NLT The … Continue reading “Dire warnings from Hebrews 6”
But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. -Matthew 7:26, NLT We all know it is a sand foundation. This is the truth of trying to rebuild a marriage with the infidelity left unaddressed or treated as a “minor” problem. The marriage … Continue reading “Beware of sand foundations!”
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…. -Ephesians 5:25, NLT When I hear this verse cited by Evangelicals, I shudder internally. This is a highly abused text. Evangelicals often use this as a proof text to shame husbands. Obviously, this text teaches … Continue reading “Common Evangelical Statement About Husbands”
When a cheater goes on vacation and removes her wedding ring, you can be sure she is emotionally unfaithful (and likely more). The wedding ring minds us and others that we are married. It is a symbol that helps signal socially that the person is unavailable. A person choosing to remove this article and “forget” … Continue reading “Removal of ring tells you something”
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. -Isaiah 43:2, NLT What makes me so devoted to following Jesus? Like numerous … Continue reading “Friendship with God forged through fire”
“I can’t keep pretending everything is fine,” says Cheater. What this really means is the Cheater is tired of hiding their contempt for the faithful spouse. They are declaring it is too much. So, they will now display their contempt openly. The cheater has no real problem with pretending as long as it advantages them. They … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t keep pretending…””
“You need to move on,” says the Privileged. When something as traumatic as a surviving the adultery and divorce from a cheater happens, you are forever marked. Over time, I have found the scars fade. However, they will always be there. People pushing for one to “move on” are pushing denial of these scars. It … Continue reading “Privilege says, “Move on!””
“You got to understand. I never intended to hurt you.” -Cheater Why would a cheater tell their spouse that they never wanted or intended to hurt them? I think this is all about protecting themselves. The cheater is attempting to protect themselves from the reality of what they did. By attempting to get agreement about … Continue reading “Cheater Speak: “I really never intended to hurt you.””
Engaging in dating-like behavior with someone other than your spouse is certainly sinfully wrong. Those sort of energies were pledged to the spouse. If they are given to another, they are stolen from the faithful party.