— Grateful, yet Grieving
Whether it’s been less than a year or ten years since your loved one died, some things can bring it all to the marquee of your mind from out of nowhere. Last week, my daughter went for an X-ray. Upon arrival, she checked in with the woman at the desk. While looking at the computer screen, the woman repeated my daughter’s name, birthdate, and phone number. However, the birthdate and phone number did not belong to my daughter. They belonged to her dad.
As my daughter explained the error, the woman apologized and said they had a new system and had not worked out all the glitches. It was a moment that came out of the blue to fully face the reality, once again, that her dad was gone.
When I read the text from my daughter describing her experience, I felt an “ugh.” It was like falling into a ditch that I had been uprooted from and was now looking at with 3-D glasses.
We will always face those moments that remind us of our loved ones. Our minds are filled with memories that we carry from sights, smells, sounds, and sensations that arrive unannounced. I’ve discovered that when I welcome them as visitors and guests, they pass through. They don’t get to stay or permanently park. The grief is there. I sense the loss. It’s a reality that I recognize as I allow the feelings to come.
My pastor has said repeatedly, “Feelings tell you where you are, not who you are.” When I consider where I was in my first year of grieving and where I am now, I see a different landscape. Life after loss is remembering where we are is not where we stay.
Experiencing moments where we are transported back to what our lives looked like before we lost our loved one is to be expected. There will be ditches and glitches along the way. We can notice them and navigate them as we continue on our journey.
