7 Reasons Some Husbands Seek Validation From Other Women - Olubunmi Mabel
Let me start by going straight to the point: seeking validation from others is not the best way to live.
Imagine others determining your mood and how you feel about yourself.
If they approve of you, you are happy, and when they don’t, you become sad.
Can you imagine how unstable your mood would be because humans can be fickle?
One minute, they can decide to extend approval, and the next minute, they can withdraw it.
As much as humans can be fickle, we are also complicated.
Therefore, even though it is unhealthy, so many people, including men, constantly seek external validation, and without some introspection, they wouldn’t even know it.
Instead, they may begin to look to other women to fill that need that has consumed them.
If you are a man reading this and can relate—and you are ready to make changes—this post will help you do some introspection to see why you act the way you do.
As a wife, it can help you understand your husband if he falls into this category of men; not to excuse him, but you so you can at least identify the problem.
By identifying the problem, then you can find a solution.
That said, let’s get to it.
1. He Is Insecure
It is given that a man who lacks confidence in himself will constantly seek reassurance from others, and yes, he may turn to women outside his marriage for it.
If a man feels he’s not good enough based on his looks, career, or personality, he might turn to other women for compliments or admiration.
Sometimes, it’s not about the need to cheat; he just has a fragile ego that he needs to be fed.
For this man, no amount of validation from his wife will ever be enough because he doesn’t feel secure within himself.
He needs multiple women to applaud and give him attention before he can feel good about himself.
I hate to say this, but since it goes with the context, I might as well: some men have fragile egos that society has unfortunately helped them nurture.
This is why you find a woman who is the breadwinner of the home has to hide that she is so her husband doesn’t feel bad.
In even worse cases, a couple trying to conceive due to the husband’s infertility issue might need to hide it when that wouldn’t have been the case if it were otherwise.
While I am not here to bash anybody, it just needs to be said.
That fragile ego sometimes makes them insecure when there is even nothing to be insecure about.
And so, no matter what his wife is doing, he might still need external validation to make him feel wanted, even if just temporarily.
2. He Doesn’t Feel Validated Or Appreciated
I realize that reading the first point might make men think I am coming hard on them.
I apologize. I just wanted us to look at all angles, which brings me to the next point—his wife does not validate or appreciate him.
Women may not know this, but men, just like us, want to feel valued and appreciated.
I remember asking my male friends on Facebook if they felt butterflies in their tummies when they liked a girl because I couldn’t fathom that they did, and they all replied in the affirmative.
One went further to tell me that being valued by the woman he loves fills him with so much joy.
I say that to say men want to feel loved, valued, and appreciated.
Like women, if they aren’t, they can begin to feel lonely even in a relationship, and so some may seek validation elsewhere.
The worst thing about this is that it is not always a conscious decision; sometimes, it starts with small things like enjoying a coworker’s praise or appreciating how a female friend notices his efforts.
Over time, if he keeps feeling unseen at home but admired elsewhere, he may start craving that external appreciation more and more and give attention to that woman outside.
If a woman outside seems to see him more or give him more attention, he might turn to her because she is filling a need he has.
Understand that I am not justifying cheating; I am simply saying why some men do so.
3. He Has Unmet Emotional Needs
Another reason a man might seek external validation is if he craves deep emotional connections but feels he’s not getting them at home.
If he feels emotionally neglected through lack of attention, affection, or meaningful conversations, he might start looking elsewhere for comfort.
Unfortunately, some men have fragile egos.
Something as simple as a woman laughing at his joke might be all he needs.
But if his wife is not giving him that, he might turn to the one who does.
Of course, there could also be other serious needs, like someone who listens, cares for him, gives him the necessary attention, and so on.
If those things are what he needs to fill his love gauge, the woman who does fill it might become a source of validation.
Again, this doesn’t justify his actions, but it goes to show how emotional neglect can push people into seeking connection outside their marriage, even when they don’t intend to.
4. He Seeks To Fill An Emotional Void
On the other hand, it can be an emotional void that has nothing to do with his wife but rather an emptiness he can’t quite explain.
It is often said that nobody can make you feel complete and whole if you don’t already feel that way from within.
This applies here.
For this man, it is not that his wife is doing something wrong; he just has personal battles that are causing an emotional void, or he is going through a phase where he feels incomplete or lost.
It could be a midlife crisis, questioning his life choices, or dealing with internal struggles he hasn’t addressed.
Unfortunately, instead of facing the situation head-on, he may use the attention of other women as a distraction or a way of escape.
He may turn to compliments, flirtations, and ego boosts as a temporary escape from a deeper feeling of emptiness.
5. He Is Bored
Yep, boredom also drives men to seek validation from other women.
When some husbands feel stuck in the same day-to-day cycle where all they do is a repeated routine, they might seek validation from other women simply because it adds a spark of excitement to their life.
He might need a thrill and seek it from the playful banter, flirting, and the attention or admiration of someone new.
He is turning to other women because he is bored and wants to feel alive again.
Of course, for some men, this would be a sign that they need to make their marriage more exciting again.
Unfortunately, some would rather take the easy way out.
6. He Enjoys The Thrill Of The Chase
When I was younger, I had a guy woo me for close to five years, even though I kept saying no because I didn’t feel the same way.
When I told a male cousin, he told me the guy probably doesn’t care about me like that and sees me as a conquest.
Now, I didn’t care enough to test the theory, but it got me thinking about how men really do enjoy the thrill of the chase.
Surely, after a few months, it should have been clear to that guy that nothing would come off chasing me, and he should move on.
Where am I going with this?
For some men, validation comes from knowing they can still get another woman’s attention.
They are not sad, feeling empty or anything, but they enjoy that ego boost of feeling attractive and desired.
For these men, they simply need the boasting right to their guys that they still got it.
They want to be hailed in their group as the man who can get any woman even though he is married.
Ultimately, though, it still boils down to self-esteem and insecurity because if he were secure in himself, he wouldn’t need another woman besides his wife to be attracted to him to feel good about himself.
7. He Relishes In The Novelty
Some people constantly chase the next new thing because familiarity breeds contempt.
Such a husband has seen his wife finish like my people would say; he knows everything about her, so she no longer excites him.
That means she has become familiar and ordinary; therefore, he wants a new experience.
He wants a fresh face, a different personality, or even just a new kind of attention because he is addicted to the adrenaline rush of something new.
