How to Handle a Woman
At the time most people got married, they were so much in love they couldn’t imagine how their marriage would ever end up like those “other” marriages they had seen.
But now that several years have passed and some very different dynamics have settled in, they have to acknowledge that what was there in the beginning isn’t there now.
Call it normal. Call it maturity. Call it whatever you want. But the truth is, their marriage does have problems. Not overly serious ones. It’s more like—
a gray cloud, not a dark cloud;
a chill, not a freeze;
some weeds, not walls;
where first aid is the need, not major surgery.
At this point, there’s no animosity, no indifference, no entrenched stubbornness. In fact, they still like each other … most of the time.
But it seems as though their marriage defined itself a long time ago, and that now they're in a mode (okay, in a rut) where time is passing by.
Yet, what may be statistically normal isn’t scripturally acceptable.
The erosion that takes place with any new car, appliance, or some other material product shouldn’t be deemed normal in a marriage.
Taking a little trip down memory lane, I still remember as if it were yesterday watching adults socialize outside the church after a worship service.
I was only in Junior High school at the time, but I thought to myself: Would a newcomer, seeing what I see, be able to guess to whom each person in this group is married? Yeah, I know, strange kid. Nevertheless, by looking, I couldn’t tell.
The gleam of eye, tone of voice, and other affectionate clues—holding hands, arm around the shoulder, physical nearness—those clues weren’t there.
The only way I could tell if two of them were married was when they were scolding the same kid.
I know that comparing courtship behaviors with marriage behaviors can be unrealistic. Yet, it still would be good to remember how we used to act.
The main reason some of the sweetness of marriage, and the vitality of marriage, has diminished is because we quit doing what we used to do.
It doesn’t have to remain that way.
Scripture speaks of little foxes that spoil the vine (Song of Solomon 2:15). Not the ferocious tiger doing this, not the conquering lion with a rip and a roar. Something smaller. The baby teeth of a small fox—biting the bark, nibbling the leaves, chewing the branches. Yet, a nuisance which if ignored, destroys.
Regarding one of these little fox flaws, we wonder if perhaps there are moments when a wife thinks she's doing a lot more for her husband now than she did before, and yet feels much less appreciated. How she wishes for more of the care and affection she used to get!
Couldn’t a good husband upgrade that? Couldn’t he plan ways for improvement? He sets goals and plans well at work. Couldn’t he transfer that skill to this area of his marriage?
Here’s another concern that invites a retrospective look: the long talks they used to have. What happened to those? Why is there no more joy in discovering each other today?
Do couples think they already know each other that well? They don’t. And they can prove to themselves they don’t with a little creativity.
One way to learn more, and appreciate each other more, is, when a situational context surfaces (such as a scene from a movie or a behavior observed next door), ask how this sort of thing was faced during childhood or teen years.
By asking, you will hear stories you’ve never heard before.
And you’ll get insights into the influences that shaped your mate’s personality you never had before.
Your relationship in marriage doesn’t have to devolve from soul mate to stalemate.
But it seems that the TV and newspaper have the husband’s attention now.
Unfortunately, not recognizing his wife’s prompts to return to some of the conversations they used to have, even a good husband may respond with some clipped answers, some “uh-huhs” or grunts. While the bad husband will cut her off with the totally insensitive reply: “You want to talk? Fine, talk. But can we please hurry it up? My program is coming on.”
Oh, my! That’s not good.
Scripture says the husband is to dwell with his wife with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life (I Peter 3:7). Apply that!
Some men, still stuck in idiocy, may pop off saying, “Who can understand a woman?! Women are so unpredictable!” Joke joke, chuckle, guffaw, belly laugh!
The Broadway musical Camelot features a song, “How to Handle a Woman,” and though less inspired than Scripture, it gives better answers than these men give when it says, “love her, simply love her.”
Husbands, we can’t dismiss Scripture!
If God says we are to understand our wife, then with God’s help we can, and we must understand her.
Before insisting otherwise, husbands, might you, in a more objective frame of mind, when assessing this situation, find that your efforts have been less than admirable?
As for giving honor to her, Scripture suggests—in this quest for gaining a better understanding of her—that you ask her how she thinks you’re doing in that respect, and how she would like you to improve.
Yes, ask. Then listen. Take what she says to heart. Change.
You know how you would act if you were attempting to honor someone. So is there a big gap between that approach and what is typically true with how you treat your wife?
If so, can you start shifting in another direction?
Very much related to this command to honor your wife is Scripture’s words comparing her to a “weaker vessel.”
When interpreting these words, skip the stereotypical talk about how women can’t control her emotions, and how, like Eve, women are easily deceived.
What this description really conveys is the image of fine China dinnerware: something expensive, valuable, worthy of special care and preferential placement.
How to handle a woman?
Don’t handle her, honor her.
