Powerplays In Male Sexual Behavior Part 1 - Impacting Righteously
The issues I will discuss do not apply to all men. There are wonderful men out there who are loyal and respect women as well as themselves. There are also men who have made mistakes in their past like anyone else, and perhaps used to be a player before, but have since matured and become better people.
For current players, it is possible they still can change. God is in the business of changing hearts and minds. That said, power and ego seem to play a very big role in male sexuality; more specifically, in male promiscuity. I have observed this. Many men seek their accolades through sex.
Where would we be as a society if men had rebuked and looked down on male promiscuity the way they did with women even having a few sexual partners?
I wonder what effect it would have had on society, if beginning long ago, people didn’t congratulate players for their behaviors?
• What if society had shamed immorality in men the way they did with women?
• Would there be a lot less cheating?
• More men desiring marriage and committment?
• Reduced incidences of divorce? Significantly fewer abortions? Far fewer stds?
Ego and false affirmation
Through observation of things that some men say and do, along with their attitudes about sex, I have determined that for them, the sex act has a whole lot to do with ego. Men generally have a strong desire to be admired and praised.
Somehow, some men are misguided to believe that one of the main things that makes them admirable and real men is to have as much sex with as many women as possible. This ideology is mental and moral madness, but throughout the ages many, many men have lived by it.
Hypocrisy and double standards.
As men have slept around, they have been admired by both men and women. Promiscuity provides a major ego stroke for this kind of man. This does not take away the fact that men have been given a natural sex drive that is strong, and their desire is frequent and strong for them, so they will desire to reproduce.
I believe that even in a healthy sense, men’s sexuality is a validating factor for them. For example, it makes sense that a man may have a healthier sense of self when he has a healthy intimate relationship with his wife, as opposed to not having regular, healthy intimacy with her.
Distorted ideas about power and conquest in relation to sex.
On the other hand, the enemy perverts things. There are also men who have an unhealthy, malicious attitude about sex, pride and boasting when it comes to sex. These men become big headed and gloat.
They lie and manipulate to achieve sexual “conquest” at the expense of their target(s), which are often (not always) women. They objectify their targets. I wonder if one of the reasons they do this is because they are looking for either a balance of power or looking to alter the dynamics to give themselves the upper hand in having the power?
What do I mean by some men may be looking for a balance of power?
To clarify, it is an unnatural occurrence when a woman easily gives away her body to a man. A woman has power to say no at any time. The way men are wired, most have a need to pursue women.
At their core, men know that access to a woman’s body shouldn’t be free, and that they ought to be working for it. They will hastily take advantage of any woman who is not willing to make them work for it. Thus, they have “scored” and “conquered” her.
When a woman does not require a man to measure up and work for her and just gives herself for free, it is giving up her power. God intended for a man to pursue a woman, to work for her, love her, and prove himself to her, then enjoy her body only within the holy confines of marriage.
• Ideally, the man pursues the woman he desires and she responds.
• The woman is the prize, because she is the pursued, and has to be won over.
• Naturally, she has sexual power in that sense, but certain types of men aim to override her sexual power, aim to “conquer” it.
I am a woman, so I do not know by experience, but again, as I understand it, most commonly, men do have more frequent and intense sexual desire than women. Regardless, I think their God-given desire has nothing to do with the fact that some guys have a lot of fluff, (due to lack of reality) including vile locker room talks, strutting, and pride when it comes to sex.
I do not believe that all of the fluff, arrogance, and the bragging has anything to do with their God-given desire or enjoyment of sex. I believe the bragging and pride has to do with insecurity. It is the need to pump themselves up, carnality, and the fact that sexual “achievement” for the misguided man is tied to his fragile, over-inflated ego.
Social expectations negatively affect people’s aspirations.
Somehow, some seem convinced that one of the greatest things they can do as a man is to sexually “conquer” as many women as possible. This unrighteous thinking is combined with their natural desire to reproduce.
I believe that because of the sacredness of a woman’s body, (she is to carry and bring forth life) it seems to cause in certain types of men an obsession to “taint” her, “take” her or “conquer” her; to defile that which is sacred and does not belong to them. I have taken note that many men who harbor contempt toward women also tend to be promiscuous.
• If you look in the animal kingdom, the males have to work for the females.
• Even after their hard work, she chooses which male she wants to mate with.
• She uses her instinct to make the decision. She is very selective.
• The males fight and win, or do other things to earn the right to mate with the female.
• The female sets the pace and she determines who her mate is. God has given her this instinct and this role.
This is the way it should be in the human race as well: Women should understand they are the prize, and respond to a man very carefully and wisely!
Jesus Christ is the initiator and the pursuer when it comes to His church. He gave Himself for her, instead of taking from her or demanding from her. The church responds to and submits to His love. (Ephesians 5: 25)
Mankind is in a fallen, confused state. Many women are suffering from a number of conditions, including idolatry of men. Often, women attach their worth and define themselves based on whether or not they are in a relationship with a man.
This causes some women to throw themselves at men and pursue them. In this case, a flip in dynamics has taken place, where the woman sees the man as the prize and tries to earn him. Some women will even lower themselves to the subjugation, objectification and perverse demands of a man so that she will not lose him.
It shows the sad, confused state of these women. They are likely to end up used, abused, bitter and broken. Some even end up dead at the hands of the man they worshipped and wanted to love them. God is love. No man can love, protect, or provide for a woman better than God can! Even if she doesn’t know it, all along, a woman’s greatest need is for God.
Both men and women have been deceived.
Men’s minds are affected and confused as well. The enemy works with their strong, God-given sex drive to pervert and distort it terribly. God created something that is good (God- given sexual desire and sex), but the enemy works to corrupt it.
This is why some men are involved in very strange, perverse sexual practices. I’m going to use wisdom and not go into too many details. I will say that the unnatural, perverse, corrupt, and barbaric desires and sexual behaviors found in some men (sometimes women, too) do not come from God.
God’s Plan.
God intended that a man and a woman who love one another get married, and bring up godly seed for His glory. Their godly offspring would become adults and repeat the cycle, marrying in the Lord. Ideally they raise their children in the ways of the Lord, leaving a godly legacy. This should be repeated from generation to generation.
Satan’s plan.
We can see how the enemy has his own plan, and his plan is extremely inferior and destructive. Two people come together, have children outside of God’s will, and mistreat each other. When children are in the picture, they often witness this. Sometimes, they get caught in the middle. Hence, we have a lot of broken and dysfunctional households in existence.
Many women understand that men generally have a strong sex drive, and some women are too tolerant about their man’s sexual indiscretions. She may be fooled to believe he just cannot help himself. It seems that some women are buying into it that men behave promiscuously simply because they have strong sex drives. It is not that simple.
I have evidence it is not true that men just cannot help themselves and are therefore minimally accountable for their sexual indiscretions.
Here is Biblical evidence men CAN help sleeping around:
1 Corinthians 6:9: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Be not deceived : neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetousness, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor exortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.”
Why would God warn both men and women about fornicators, among practicers of other kinds of evil; that those who do such things will not be inheriting the Kingdom of God, if He knew people just could not help themselves?
Why would God hold us accountable and punish us for something we just could not help doing?
1 Corinthians 6: 18 says, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth, is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
What? Why would God tell us to flee fornication if it were not possible for a man or woman to flee from it?
God intends for a husband and wife to selflessly give themselves to one another within marriage. Lusting/coveting is selfishly sinful. Matthew 5: 27-28 tells us, “But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
• There is no reason whatsoever that a woman should be accepting of a man’s cheating or other immoral behavior.
• Men should not be tolerant of women cheating either, but it seems men already understand this, and typically are not very tolerant. Good for them!
Bible evidence that people can do better and have the ability and free will to do better is the most important evidence we have. In the next post, I will discuss things that have been said by some men that shed light on the reasons behind their sexual behavior. What they said confirmed what I already strongly suspected. Find out in Powerplays In Male Sexual Behavior Part 2
