Remaining Joyful — Grateful, yet Grieving

By Donna Hajj

“Seeking joy is often disappointing. Seeking purpose, with thankfulness for our blessings, most often results in a joyful and fulfilling life.” Ed Hajj

Joy and sorrow can coexist. I experienced these two emotions simultaneously throughout my husband Ed’s eight-year journey with ALS, (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). I watched the body of my strong and capable husband slowly wither and die. But I also got to sit front and center to see God tell a larger story. It’s a story of a transformed life.

Receiving a fatal ALS diagnosis was devastating—not only to my husband but to me, our daughters, family, and friends. Most people who receive a terminal diagnosis experience anxiety, depression, and an overall sense of helplessness. This was certainly true at the beginning of our journey, however, over time, I watched my husband slowly begin to live a surrendered life. He spent as much time as he was able sharing with his family and friends how God was working in him and what he was learning in the process.

Ed kept journals throughout his life. He was the one who would write down the hilarious things our daughters would do or say as they grew up. His journal entries often reflected how proud he was of the young women they were becoming and how very much he loved them. He wrote about his faith journey and what God was teaching him. He wrote to me, too. There is so much wisdom packed into his writings.

Ed decided he would put together a book for each daughter that included his journal entries and writings. He wanted to be able to speak into their lives long after he was gone. He did this painstakingly with the use of his iPad and his two index fingers. Below is an excerpt from one of his letters to our daughters:

God is interested in how we respond when bad things happen. Respond appropriately and joy can be found in the midst of the struggle. So I focus on this, ‘Now that this illness is here, what is my response?’ My response is my responsibility. I want to go through this with JOY!

Remaining joyful despite his circumstances became the theme of his life.

This book project was beyond what you could upload to a digital bookmaker such as Shutterfly.  I found a local printer to bind these books into hardback editions. The day finally came to pick up the books. As we entered, we saw the employees of this company, a few in tears, waiting to meet the man who wrote those precious words to his wife and daughters. Each of these people had been involved in the project and had been touched by what they read. Who knew that Ed’s book project would become part of God’s larger story?