What Does It Mean When Your Husband Puts You Down? Discover It - Olubunmi Mabel
Just like the woman in the quote above, you may have lived under so much anxiety and fear for a long time.
This fear is one of the worst kinds that can plague a woman…
Not knowing when your husband is going to put you down, most likely in the presence of others.
You don’t know when it will happen, but you know it will because you have lived through the same routine for some time now.
While you may have lived with it, your husband consistently putting you down is not something anyone can get used to.
Hence, you struggle daily to stay in a relationship with a man who treats you like you don’t matter.
You probably didn’t start this way.
There must have been a time when you loved each other so much, and one part of you still tries desperately to see that man in this stranger your husband has become, to no avail.
For the umpteenth time, you ask yourself what it means when your husband puts you down.
We will be attempting to answer this question in this article, so come along, let’s get to the root of this matter.
1) He is stressed
You must note that I am not attempting to make an excuse for your husband’s behavior.
Putting your partner down is very immature and diabolical behavior, regardless of your reasons for doing it.
However, understanding the reason your husband puts you down will help you decide on what to do.
Stress is a factor to consider when we notice that our partners start behaving strangely.
Stress can influence the behavior of people.
So, if your husband, who used to be sweet and supportive, suddenly starts saying things that put you down, it may be a sign that he is stressed.
This stress may be from work or financial pressures or even the weight of fulfilling his dreams.
The fact is that when a man is under a huge burden of stress, he may end up transferring aggression to other people around him.
This transfer of aggression may take the form of snappy, derogatory, or condescending comments aimed at making you feel bad.
This is an unhealthy behavior that can end up destroying the relationship.
Men should learn to communicate effectively with their wives when they are under stress.
Communicating with her like this would not only help her understand why he is stressed, but it could also reduce the stress on him because she may be able to help.
If your husband is stressed, he may start saying things that may appear like he is putting you down.
2. He is insecure
This is the most common reason why husbands put their wives down.
Due to the societal expectations of masculinity, men have suffered under the great pressure of living up to that standard.
Men have been taught that they are the heads of the family, breadwinners, and protectors of the family.
As a result, most men want to constantly fulfill all these roles in their families, and whenever they feel threatened by their ability to do this, they may overcompensate by being unnecessarily condescending and derogatory in their interactions with their wives.
Whenever a man who has this traditional mindset that he is meant to be his wife’s mentor, provider, and protector has a wife who displays an independence streak, he may begin to feel insecure.
This is especially true if she happens to have better educational qualifications or a better-paying job.
An insecure man would do anything and everything within his capacity.
One of his most common dirty tricks is to pull her down by treating her condescendingly and contemptuously.
This is a very terrible and toxic thing to do to anyone.
Husbands must learn that they are not in competition with their wives.
You can also attempt to boost your husband’s self-esteem through words of affirmation.
However, you shouldn’t tolerate and justify his toxic behavior because of his insecurities.
3. He doesn’t know any better
I know you are shocked by this, but let me explain it.
Some men don’t know how to treat their wives any better because they come from a family that has a history of putting wives down.
When I last visited my hometown in Nigeria, I witnessed a lot of young men who used to be my mates in secondary school maltreating their wives in both words and actions.
For the most part, these guys grew up watching their fathers do the same to their mothers, and now that they are old enough to be married, they are repeating the cycle.
My point is that we learn relationship dynamics from our parents, and it takes a lot of determination and time to break the pattern.
In this situation, you need to tell him how his treatment of you hurts you and makes you feel less human.
Explaining to him calmly may have the effect of making him realize how wrongly he has treated you.
4. He has poor communication skills
Successful relationships are built on excellent communication skills.
When they are lacking, relationships usually suffer a lot of unresolvable conflicts.
If your husband frequently puts you down, it may be because he has poor communication skills.
People with poor communication skills can sometimes come off too strongly when trying to correct or criticize someone.
Instead of carefully worded criticism meant to motivate improvement, your husband comes off too strongly and says unpleasant words to you all in the name of criticism.
Not knowing how to express yourself constructively is like a death knell for any relationship.
Talking to their wives rudely is one of the ways that husbands sabotage relationships when they have poor communication skills.
Poor communication skills can be worked on.
It only requires dedication and determination.
If you have poor communication skills, find ways to improve yourself before it’s too late.
5. He thinks he can get what he wants by putting you down
Growing up, we had a neighbor who made it his daily job to put his wife down.
He would yell at his wife regularly and say very hurtful things to her in public.
He would sometimes even beat her up.
He was the total poster boy for an abusive husband.
My mother told me that he usually did that whenever he wanted to get something from her, and she was holding out on him.
She was much more wealthier than he was and because of that, he made it his life goal to drain her hard-earned money.
It’s weird, but sometimes husbands do the same thing to intimidate their wives into giving them something.
He keeps treating you badly until you back down and cave into his demands.
The best way to handle this is to stand up to him.
He is being manipulative and abusive; you shouldn’t let him get away with letting him treat you that way.
6. He doesn’t respect you
I know it’s a sad subject to consider, but perhaps the reason your husband puts you down is because he doesn’t respect you.
Relationships are meant to be built on a strong foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect.
However, when respect in a relationship is one-sided, it becomes an issue.
This is especially true when it’s the husband who keeps on treating his wife like she is “trash.”
At some point, she will end up returning the favor and turning the relationship into a perpetual warzone.
To avoid this, husbands need to always respect their wives.
Respect her opinions and views because respect should be reciprocal in any relationship.
7. He is misogynistic
I used to translate misogyny as “dislike of women”…
Why does a man who dislikes women marry?
The fact is that most misogynistic men don’t know they are misogynistic.
The ideals of misogyny have been steadily engrained into them over the years.
A misogynistic man feels like he is entitled to shout at, dictate to, and degrade his wife without giving any thought to proper conduct.
For him, putting his wife down is another way of establishing control over her life.
If your husband is misogynistic, you would know from the kind of ideas he shares.
He also makes decisions for you without asking for your input.
And, of course, he probably doesn’t even want female children because he believes males are more valuable than females.
You can’t overcome a misogynist by rational discussions.
Protect yourself from abuse by being ready to stand up for yourself.
8. He is tired of the marriage
For whatever reason, if your husband is tired of the marriage, he may begin to put you down with the aim of hurting you.
Some men don’t know how to end relationships.
They prefer it when their partner does it for them.
So, when they are tired of a relationship, they frustrate their partner until they are tired of the relationship as well and want to end it.
Then, they can blame the failure of the relationship on their partners.
It is a diabolical act that no one deserves.
A man should be man enough to end his relationship when he is tired of it.
Don’t put someone else through a lot of traumatic events just because you don’t have the courage to end a relationship.
9. He is cheating on you
Men who are cheating on their wives commonly maltreat their wives as well.
Is it possible for a man to love two women at once?
Yes, it is possible, but it is not something that happens frequently.
Mostly, when a man cheats on his wife, it is a sign that he has transferred his affection to the other woman.
He then begins to criticize you unfairly.
It seems like you can’t do anything good in the house.
He complains about your cooking, your dressing, body shape, hair, and even the way you talk.
It begins to feel like you are walking around your house on tiptoes to avoid awakening the “monster.”
When your husband begins to put you down mercilessly, it could mean that he is cheating, and that’s why nothing you do satisfies him.
If you feel like this is your situation, don’t go and attack him based on this article.
Get your facts straight before confronting him about it, and remember to keep your dignity intact.
When you’re ready to talk to your husband about your concerns, approach the conversation with calmness and clarity.
Choose a time when neither of you is preoccupied or stressed, ensuring the environment is conducive to an open dialogue.
Begin by expressing how much you value your relationship and why it’s important for you to address these issues together.
Share your feelings without accusing him directly, using “I feel” statements to communicate how his actions have impacted you.
Listen attentively to his responses, maintaining an open mind and heart.
Remember, this conversation is not about assigning blame but seeking understanding and finding a way forward together.
If he still cares about you and your marriage, he will apologize and be willing to work on the issues.
However, if he becomes defensive or dismissive of your concerns, then there is fire on the mountain!
A Word To Men Who Put Their Wives Down
Stop!!!
